I’m expected to pay for mum’s care so my nephew can live almost rent-free

Mo is concerned his sister isn’t using their mum’s savings right (Picture: Getty Images) Care home funding is one of the most emotionally loaded financial issues a family can face, smashing money and morality together in an often brutal way. But when an attorney is managing the money of a relative who lacks capacity, there is one legal duty that outranks every family wish: acting in that person’s best interests. This week’s Money Problem comes from Mo, 49, from Wiltshire, who’s worried his sister thinks of the family home as an asset for her son’s personal use rather than a resource for their elderly mum’s care. He asked Metro consumer champion, Sarah Davidson, what to do. The problem… My mum is 88, has vascular dementia and lives in a nursing home permanently. It costs £1,600 a week – it’s eye-watering but she needs the care. Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. She has around £38,000 in savings and owns her house, which is worth about £425,000, outright. My sister is mum’s sole property and financial affairs attorney while I am her health and welfare attorney. My problem is that my sister has allowed her 27-year-old son, who has recently split from his partner, to move into mum’s house. She’s charging him £300 a month but an estate agent has said a similar house would rent for around £1,400. Their 88-year-old mum needs full-time care due to dementia (Picture: Getty Images) On top of this, she’s asked me to contribute £500 a month towards mum’s nursing home fees so the house does not have to be sold. I think she is using mum’s power of attorney to shield more of our inheritance than we should be keeping. She says I’m being naïve and that family look after family. Is she allowed to do this and are we really expected to pay for Mum’s care ourselves? The answer… Mo, you are right to be concerned. Your sister’s wish to help her son may be understandable, but your mother’s home is not a family hardship fund. A £1,600 weekly care bill is £83,200 a year before any personal extras – the harsh reality is her £38,000 savings will be gone in well under six months. This is exactly why the value of a home is relevant in long-term residential care. How should Mo handle the situation with his sister? Confront the sister and request a proper financial plan for their mum.Check Report his concerns to the Office of the Public Guardian (OPG).Check Agree to pay his part for the care but clarify the nephew's rent arrangement.Check Let his sister handle things as she sees fit.Check Sign up to Metro's The Slice newsletter for your guide to what's on in London, with trusted reviews, offers and giveaways. In England, anyone with capital above £23,250 is generally responsible for the full cost of permanent care home fees. Once savings are low enough for a council financial assessment, the house is usually included unless a spouse, dependent child, close relative aged 60 or over or a close relative with a qualifying disability still lives there. On the facts you’ve given, your nephew doesn’t obviously fall into one of those protected categories. The means test also looks at just your mother’s income, savings and property – not yours. There is no reason for you to start subsidising care merely to preserve an estate. If your nephew wants to stay, it may be possible for the council to pay the fees and place a legal charge on the property, with the debt repaid when the property is later sold or from the estate. The below-market rent is the more serious concern. A property and financial affairs attorney can manage a donor’s home, including renting it out, but they must keep the donor’s finances separate, avoid benefiting themselves or people close to them and act in the donor’s best interests. The siblings need to hash it out (Picture: Getty Images) Government guidance is explicit that allowing someone to live in a donor’s home for less than market rent counts as a gift – something you need the Court of Protection’s approval for. Here, charging £300 rather than £1,400 leaves a £1,100 monthly gap, some £13,200 over a year. That is money your mother could use towards her own nursing home bills. I would ask for a formal family meeting and keep the tone factual. Remind your sister that you are your mum’s health and welfare attorney, meaning financial decisions affecting her living arrangements, medical care or daily routine must be discussed with you. Request a current care-home contract, a written cashflow forecast, the estate agent’s rental appraisal, the proposed tenancy agreement, and a record of every decision made under the LPA. Your sister should explain why £300 is in your mother’s best interests and how the rent was set. More Metro Money Problems At the same time, ask the local authority for both a care needs assessment and a financial assessment. A self-funder is still entitled to a free needs assessment, which will provide an independent record of what your mother’s care requirements are. It is also worth asking the nursing home or GP whether an NHS Continuing Healthcare checklist is appropriate. Eligibility depends on the complexity, intensity and unpredictability of a person’s needs, rather than a diagnosis, and successful applicants have their care arranged and funded by the NHS. If your sister refuses to share records, keeps her son in the property at a concessionary rent without court authority, or blocks the financial assessment, you can report your concern to the Office of the Public Guardian (OPG). The OPG can investigate attorneys who misuse money, fail to act in the donor’s best interests or put their own interests first. It can seek information, take legal action and apply to the Court of Protection. Deals of the Day Parents can save up to 30% on Kickers school shoes ahead of the new term The back-to-school hack that's helping parents avoid queues and sold-out sizes Could your hair be wavy rather than straight? This brand thinks so Could your star sign improve your skincare routine? This new beauty launch thinks so Best skincare for menopausal skin? This dermatologist-created treatment is tailored to you Your mother’s care is not a bill to be pushed onto her children so that somebody else can inherit more later. The kindest plan is the one that funds the care she needs now, treats every family member fairly and leaves no room for nepotism. Do you have a story you’d like to share? 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