I’m encouraging everyone to order a Foster’s Top – here’s why

For the full Lager Top experience, only the most confident Toppers will ask for the additional lemon slices (Picture: Getty Images) I’ve just started up a very important lobbying group. And I’d like you all to join me. Don’t worry, it’s not one of those protest organisations that’ll force us all to superglue our faces to the M25, handcuff ourselves to a radiator in the reception of a petrochemical company HQ or climb Big Ben dressed as Batman. It’s nothing to do with the environment or anything daft like that. This is a movement with a far nobler purpose. One that I genuinely believe could improve the lives of millions of people. It’s about what you order at the pub. Introducing The Campaign for the Return of Asking for Foster’s Tops, CRAFT, for short. Membership currently stands at one. Hopefully this call to arms addresses that. Now, before you dismiss this as the ramblings of someone who may have spent a bit too long sitting out in a sunsoaked beer garden, hear me out. It’s been – and continues to be – a rather hot summer. And while everyone else is dutifully necking increasingly complex craft beers with tasting notes that read like the ingredients list on a Yankee Candle, the humble Foster’s Top remains criminally overlooked. The same goes for any lager Top. Admit it – they are more refreshing. The world’s simplest cocktail has got just enough lemonade to take the edge off any slightly claggy beer when you’re thirsty. Especially on a sweltering day. Most importantly, it tastes nice. Which used to be one of the principal requirements of any drink. Yet ask for one at the bar and there’s still a tiny part of you that feels like you’ve just admitted to still sucking your thumb or reading the Beano. The majestic white wine spritzer – or ‘wine top’ if you prefer (Picture: Getty Images) In boozers up and down the country, people are just drinking what peer pressure dictates – somewhere along the line, a fair chunk of us stopped ordering what we really fancy down the pub and started ordering what we think we’re supposed to drink. Or uttered the two words that underscore our illusion of choice – ‘the usual.’ It’s less of an informed decision than muscle memory. You’re even sure you like Neck Oil. It’s fine. But maybe you don’t actually fancy ‘the usual’. What if, because it’s 35 bloody degrees outside, a Lager Top sounds absolutely perfect? It’s cold shandy summer after all. Perhaps you’ll have a wine spritzer. Or a peach Jubel. Or even – and I’m not ashamed to say it – a tomato juice. They don’t like to go on about it, but this little under-the-radar London pub serves Guinness if you ask for it nicely enough (Picture: Getty Images) So, what if you’ve been dragged to The Devonshire because everyone’s still telling you that the Guinness in there will change your life. Of course, if you genuinely fancy a pint of The Black Stuff, crack on. Order one. Order nine if you’re in the mood and have recently inherited a stately home or won the Euromillions. But if you’re not really all that keen on a pint of creamy stout, don’t order one (certainly don’t order nine). Don’t let Instagram, or your G-splitting friends make the decision for you. Ignore their green-tinted snobbery and order a white wine spritzer because it’s a Tuesday and you’d like your Sauvignon Blanc to be ever so slightly less Sauvignon Blanc. Get your fizz on. Choosing Lager Tops over craft beer isn’t the only way we can reclaim our sense of choice with drinks. Some people love Laphroaig single malt. Good for them. It’s a classy way to sign off an evening. But if you’d actually prefer a Tia Maria and Coke as a nightcap, treat yourself to one. You’re paying for it, the pub’s grateful either way and maybe you’ll set a trend. The next influencer-friendly bar in London might be all about Tia Maria and Cokes. So you’ve never seen James Bond or Don Draper order a Tia Maria and Coke. They’re not real people with real tastebuds (Picture: Getty Images) Not drinking tonight? You could spend £7.20 on an alcohol-free IPA. Equally, you could have an Appletiser because Appletiser is delicious and, unless I’ve misunderstood the licensing laws, perfectly acceptable to drink in a pub. Despite what your mate says. The funny thing is that almost nobody else cares what you’re drinking anyway. The landlord certainly isn’t judging you. They’re just happy you’ve bought something. Whether it’s a Guinness, a Top, a shandy, a tomato juice or a fluorescent blue cocktail served in a watering can, it all adds up when the till closes. As long as it’s not a pint of tap water, they’re not fussed. Bloody underrated: The humble tomato juice (Picture: Getty Images) You see, this is what CRAFT is really campaigning for. Not only for the return of the unashamed summer of Foster’s Top, but the radical idea that if you’re spending the thick end of eight notes on a drink, it should probably be one you actually enjoy. The world’s pretty adept at making decisions for us these days. We’ve got enough algorithms serving up what we watch and people telling us how to spend our money, time and attention without them deciding what ends up in our pint glass as well. Even if it’s only a subconscious thing. If there’s one decision that’s entirely ours, it’s what we ask for at the bar. We may as well order what we actually fancy. Applications to join my new CRAFT movement are now open. The first AGM will be held in the back of The Devonshire. They do Fosters, right? Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk. Share your views in the comments below. Arrow MORE: Farage quit parliament in a huff – why should Burnham invite him to talks? Arrow MORE: Holly Willoughby’s new show is all kinds of cringe – but it exposes a darker problem Arrow MORE: Britain’s oldest nightclub is still serving drinks that cost just 75p Puzzles Newsletter Get your favourite puzzles when they are ready to play on the website sent directly to you every day and track your daily streak!