I’m a woman’s ‘paypig’ and spent £18,000 on her but I’m scared she’s getting bored of me… should I give her more cash?

DEAR DEIDRE: NOBODY knows my sex secret — and I’m terrified that it makes me sound like a creep. For the last two years I’ve been a “paypig” (money slave) for a woman I work with. I’m a 34-year-old single guy. She’s 31. I’ve no idea why, but I have always fantasised about being a paypig — I get turned on by ­giving money or gifts to someone else. Regular sex feels pleasant but has never done much for me. But giving financial control to a woman and letting her dominate me — that thrills and fulfils me. Before I set up my current arrangement, I was a paypig to a couple of women online. But I never actually met them. Then, one night, after a few too many drinks at an after-work do, I admitted my secret to my colleague. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial I expected her to laugh or think I was a pervert — and I was ready to pretend I was joking. Instead, she said she had always wanted a paypig. I couldn’t believe my luck. From there, things grew. I started buying her expensive gifts and leaving them in her desk drawer. I paid her rent and took her out to buy clothes, letting her choose whatever she wanted. I also paid for her to go on a luxury spa holiday in the ­Maldives, flying first class. Since we made our arrangement, and agreed our rules and boundaries, I have spent around £18,000 on her. As I’ve got a good job, I can afford it, but it doesn’t leave me with much. And that’s just the way I like it. But lately, I’ve sensed she’s getting bored — which makes me want to give her more. I think she wants a conventional relationship with someone. But when I asked her if everything was OK, she said she doesn’t want to stop. I’m confus­ed about where I stand and I’m worrying that I’m not normal. DEIDRE SAYS: Fetishes such as yours are more common than you would think. Often they stem from childhood experiences. My support pack, Fetish Worries, tells you more about this. But I’m concerned this woman – who naturally likes receiving gifts and money – is taking advantage of you. When someone’s sexual need is to be dominated and financially used, there’s a very fine line between what’s consensual and what’s abusive. And if you’re now starting to feel anxious and question whether you’re a “creep”, then perhaps it’s a sign that the arrangement isn’t working, or healthy. It would be a good idea to talk to a counsellor. Contact the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (cosrt.org.uk) and ask about ­therapy. THANK YOU FOR HELP DEALING WITH WEDDING WORRIES DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I contacted you, I was deeply hurt after being unable to attend my cousin’s hen weekend abroad, even though I was a bridesmaid. After months of financial problems and an unsuccessful job search, I’d asked the organiser for an idea of the extra costs so I could budget. Instead, I felt judged and excluded, and the trip went ahead without me. I’m 28 and I’ve always been close to my cousin, who’s the same age.I was due to read a poem at her wedding, and worried all the unpleasantness would overshadow her day. You encouraged me not to assume everyone was thinking negatively about me, and to focus on my relationship with my cousin. You also suggested I should arrange our own celebration after the wedding. That gave me something to look forward to. Your support packs – Looking for Work, Wedding Worries, and Standing Up For Yourself – were incredibly helpful. I used the guidance from the work pack to prepare for a job interview, which led to a second interview. I’m now feeling much more confident, and calmer and happier about the wedding, which is next weekend. Thank you for your kindness and helpful advice. DEIDRE SAYS: Good luck with the job interview. I’m so glad my advice was helpful and I hope the wedding is a wonderful day for your cousin and you too. TEENAGE TROUBLES DEAR DEIDRE: MY mum died when I was seven, and my dad brought up me and my brother alone. Since he married my step-mum, I’ve never felt that I came first. I’m 15, my brother is 13. My stepmum’s daughter, who is 10, gets all my dad’s time, and he’ll drop everything to help her, but says he’s too busy for us. If I disagree with him, he shouts. We’ve now fallen out completely. I miss him, but I’m angry too. Should I try to fix things or leave it alone? DEIDRE SAYS: Losing your mum at such a young age is very hard to cope with. It’s understandable you’re hurt. Your dad loves you, but you feel pushed aside. You need to try to tell him how you feel so he understands. It might help to talk with someone who understands. Contact The Mix (themix.org.uk) which offers free counselling for under-25s. CAN'T GET OVER BETRAYAL 25 YEARS AGO DEAR DEIDRE: PEOPLE say time heals all wounds, but I’m living proof that’s not true. After nearly 45 years with my wife, I still can’t get over her past infidelity. I’m 65 and she’s 64. When I was 21, I discovered my then fiancée kissing another man in a parked car. I broke off our engagement, but she begged for a second chance, and because I loved her, I forgave her. I put it down to her being young and immature. We got married, had a family and built a decent life. But last year, an acquaintance admitted that 25 years ago, he’d slept with my wife while I was away on a business trip. I had long suspected she’d been unfaithful that night, but she always denied it. When I confronted her, she admitted she had lied, and would never have told me if I hadn’t found out. She said it was a one-off, and nothing else has ever happened since we were married. But it feels like my whole life has been a lie, and sometimes I think I should have left after the first infidelity. I can’t stop thinking about this and don’t know if I can forgive her. DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife betrayed you 25 years ago, but you’re feeling the pain now. It hurts doubly because she wasn’t just unfaithful, she lied too. Only you can decide if you want to forgive her and continue in your marriage. If you do, she needs to do a lot of work to rebuild your trust. Think about couples counselling. My support pack, Cheating, Can You Get Over It?, will tell you more. MY MUM SEEMS TO HATE ME AND I’VE HAD ENOUGH DEAR DEIDRE: NO matter what I do, my mum treats me like a villain. I got so sick of being blamed for everything that I stopped contacting her – but it hasn’t made things any better. I’m in my early 40s and my mum is 70. A few months ago, I phoned my older sister. She happened to be visiting Mum, and I ended the call quickly without saying hello to my mother. It was thoughtless, but Mum treated it as though I had done it deliberately to hurt her. I kept apologising, but she wouldn’t let it go. Then my daughter got a great job and I rang to tell Mum the brilliant news. I thought she would be happy about her granddaughter’s achievement. Instead, she turned on me, saying I only ever ­contact her when I want something and I’ve caused her nothing but heartbreak all my life. We didn’t speak for two months. Eventually, I went round hoping to repair things. I took a birthday card and presents. She had another go at me, saying I wanted her to die. Without saying thank you, she rejected the presents and card. She has always treated me like I’m a failure and a terrible person. I’ll admit I was a horrible teenager who made stupid mistakes but I’ve worked hard to change my life. My mum won’t let me move on. I love her but I don’t like her, and I’ve had enough. DEIDRE SAYS: You have tried hard to please your mum and don’t deserve her treatment. But perhaps now it’s time to put your emotional health first and admit defeat. You’re not a bad daughter – but she’s not being a good mother. She sounds bitter and angry and is lashing out. Distancing yourself, at least for a while, is sensible. You can check how she is doing via your sister. It might be helpful to contact Coram Family Lives (coramfamilylives.org.uk, tel: 0808 800 2222) for further advice and support.