I’m a teacher – the biggest mistakes parents make when sending kids to university

Forget air fryers or matching saucepans. If there’s one thing I’d like every parent to acquire before they drop their child at university over the next few weeks, it’s realistic expectations. As a teacher, I’ve watched hundreds of students make that leap to higher education. Parents understandably worry about whether they’ll settle in, make friends and survive without someone reminding them to put a wash on. Those things usually sort themselves out. But, there are some fundamental conversations families need to have, beyond “don’t drink too much”. The first is about the course itself. It’s tempting to look at university as a financial investment. Fees are high, maintenance loans don’t stretch far enough and everyone seems obsessed with graduate salaries. So, we steer our 18-year-olds towards “safe” subjects. The problem is that university is very different from school. Nobody is checking homework or chasing coursework. If students don’t enjoy what they’re studying, three years is a painfully long time. Those that thrive aren’t always the most academically gifted; they’re the ones who remained interested when the work became difficult. Curiosity is a better motivator than parental pressure. As an English teacher, I may be biased, but the dismissive “what can you do with an English degree?” now has a great answer: be Prime Minister. Andy Burnham studied English at Cambridge. Parents, make sure you don’t force your preferences upon the student who has to actually take that course. The second conversation is about money. Many families underestimate just how stressful it has become “since our day”. There’s still a belief that students can simply pick up a part-time job, like their parents did, to make ends meet. Some do, of course. But competition is fierce, many courses demand more contact time than people realise and, even with a job, the sums often don’t add up. Rent, food, travel and everyday living costs have all skyrocketed. Try to have that difficult sit-down conversation about budgeting in advance and be prepared – if possible – to assist when they inevitably get into difficulties. Then there’s accommodation, which has quietly become one of the biggest headaches of university life. Students will arrive in September expecting to spend their first term making friends and finding their feet. Instead, many are viewing second-year houses by October. By November, they’re being asked to sign legally binding contracts with people they’ve known for only a matter of weeks because they’re terrified that, if they wait until Christmas, there’ll be nothing left. Universities and Students’ Guilds urge students not to panic and sign too early, but the market rewards those who do. Parents are often stunned to discover their teenager needs to commit thousands to a tenancy almost a year before they’ll move in. It’s stressful, expensive and one-sided. This is where parents really can help by researching the local market, dealing with landlords and paying deposits asap. Finally, don’t think of a degree as a guarantee. Yes, over a lifetime, graduates still tend to fare better than non-graduates , but a degree is no longer a golden ticket. Employers want experience as well as qualifications. Many graduates face an uncertain jobs market. It’s unsettling, both for them and for their parents, who need to have patience and be prepared for a boomerang graduate returning to the family home to save money. University is still one of the best experiences young people can have. They’ll become more independent and resilient. But if parents go into it expecting certainty, they’ll be disappointed. If they go into it expecting challenge, uncertainty and the odd wobble, they’ll be much better placed to support the young adult who will discover that growing up rarely follows a timetable.