I’m a psychotherapist – seven easy ways to actually switch off on holiday

The countdown is on for the summer holidays, and for many people desperate for a break, it can’t come soon enough. The dream of relaxation jars with reality for many holidaymakers, however: almost 60 per cent of us struggle to disconnect when we’re on a break even though we recognise the value of our precious downtime, according to new research. Despite knowing the importance of switching off, many of us find ourselves lying by a pool, walking in the mountains or sitting in a hotel room with the responsibilities and worries of daily life still whirling around our minds. Shorts “The problem is that we often expect our mind to automatically follow our body into holiday mode. But the reality is not usually as straightforward,” says Joseph Conway, psychotherapist and mental health trainer at Vita Health Group. “As a psychotherapist, I often hear people describe feeling frustrated that they’re still thinking about work a few days into the holiday,” adds Conway. “Speaking for myself, I know how easy it is to arrive somewhere beautiful and still find yourself mentally reviewing that last piece of work or planning your return, wondering what you’ve forgotten. It’s a very human experience.“ Even when external pressures such as work are removed, internal processes such as worry, habitual thinking patterns and stress responses can continue. “Part of the problem is that modern life has blurred the boundaries between work and personal time,” continues Conway. “Smartphones, emails and constant connectivity mean many of us spend much of the year mentally switched on, making it difficult to suddenly transition into a state of relaxation. As a result, the nervous system can remain alert long after the work itself has stopped.” According to Conway, many of us are so acclimatised to being busy that when the opportunity arises to slow down, it can feel troublesome rather than enjoyable. “Some people associate being busy with feeling valued, so slowing down can feel uncomfortable,” says Conway. Joseph Conway wants to help you relax (Photo: Provided) This can create several psychological barriers to properly unwinding, including persistent overthinking and guilt about resting, pressure to have the perfect holiday and difficulty tolerating stillness. For others, the challenge is that rest itself feels unfamiliar. “If someone is used to constant busyness, quiet and rest can feel anxiety-provoking,” adds Conway. The pressure to make every holiday memorable can add to the problem. “Many of us place high expectations on our time off, believing we should feel completely happy, relaxed and refreshed throughout. When reality doesn’t match those expectations, it can feel understandably disappointing and stressful.” Instead of trying to force relaxation, Conway encourages people to switch their perspective. “Treat relaxation as a skill rather than something that should happen automatically,” he says. “Like any skill, it takes practice and patience. If your mind drifts back into ‘doing mode’, that’s not a failure, it’s just a habit playing out. If you catch yourself thinking about work, pause, take a deep breath and remind yourself: ‘I’m on holiday.’ Each time you gently bring your attention back to the present, you are helping your brain relearn how to switch off.” Here, Conway shares seven evidence-based steps to help us unwind when our holiday rolls around. 1. Create a clear transition into holiday mode “Where possible, finish key tasks before you leave and set boundaries with work, such as using an out-of-office message and limiting access to emails. It can be really tempting to reach for your phone or laptop to check what’s happening on key work activity while you’re away, so avoid taking your work phone or laptop with you to remove the pull. “Our brains don’t tend to like unfinished business, so before you step away for your time off, spend a little time making your future self feel safe. Write down what’s completed, what’s waiting and the first three things you intend to do when you return. Instead of carrying your to-do list around in your mind on holiday, you’ve unloaded and stored externally, so your brain no longer has to keep rehearsing them. The transition into holiday mode is less about the holiday itself and more about creating a psychological boundary between your working self and your resting self.” Switch off from your electronics (Photo: Maskot/Getty) 2. Allow yourself time to unwind gradually “Maybe one of the biggest misconceptions about holidays is that our minds and bodies will be able to relax instantly. But the reality is that it does take time to adjust, and the speed at which that happens will be different for everyone. If you’ve spent a prolonged period staying alert – to work, family, socialising, all the things that require management in life – your nervous system may not immediately recognise that it’s safe to slow down, and will need to time adjust. “Use the first couple of days for low-pressure activities and give your mind time to adjust. Maybe that’s giving yourself the flexibility to sleep in, taking a slow walk with your morning coffee, or reading just a few pages of a book. It can be really useful to shift your goal from forcing yourself into holiday mode overnight, to giving your nervous system permission to arrive in its own time.” 3. Reduce or remove digital interruptions “Stepping away from the digital world can feel surprisingly uncomfortable, because we have become so accustomed to constant stimulation that even small bouts of silence can feel difficult to sit with and unfamiliar. “Then, when people do start to relax, with their phones within reach, they default to their socials. Many people compare their holiday experience to other people’s highlight reels online, which can pull them away from the present moment. We can end up standing on a beautiful beach while mentally focusing on somebody else’s holiday on Instagram. “That’s why I suggest people leave their phones behind occasionally, whether that’s leaving it in the hotel room for a few hours, or finding alternative ways to stay connected with family members while on holiday – some basic walkie talkies can serve the same purpose as a mobile. Creating a little distance from our devices can make it much easier to be present and fully engage with the experience around us. “You could think of it like this: a holiday isn’t just about changing your physical location, it’s also about changing where your attention rests.” 4. Use grounding techniques “Even on holiday, it is easy for the mind to remain caught up in yesterday’s work or tomorrow’s plans. Simple grounding practices can help to interrupt this cycle by gently bringing your attention back to what’s happening right now. “One of the simplest, but most effective, ways to do this is through your senses. Take a slow breath and notice the warmth of the sun on your skin, the sound of the waves, the birdsong from the trees, the fresh air or the feeling of your feet in the sand or grass. Think of these sensory experiences like anchors to remind your brain that you are here, in this moment, rather than in your to-do list or inbox.” 5. Keep a gentle structure “When we think about relaxing, we may imagine having nothing planned at all. Although complete freedom can feel appealing, too much unstructured time can sometimes have the opposite effect. Removing any sense of direction can give our minds the freedom to drift back into our worries at home or work. But having a gentle structure to your holiday can provide just enough rhythm to the day to help you stay present without making your holiday feel over-scheduled. “It can also be helpful to let go of the idea that every day needs to be productive or memorable. Holidays don’t have to be another project to optimise. If you notice yourself becoming restless or feeling that you ‘should’ be doing more, gently remind yourself that rest doesn’t have to be earned through activity.” Keep the schedule simple (Photo: Catherine Falls Commercial/Getty/Moment RF) 6. Aim for a ‘good enough’ holiday “It’s really understandable and normal to put holidays under pressure, because when we invest time and money into the planning, we can feel like we need to make every day count. There is certainly a common expectation that we should be making unforgettable memories doing everything, and arriving back home feeling completely restored and refreshed. But the difficulty with these expectations is that they can become another source of pressure and instead of enjoying the experience, we begin evaluating it: am I making the most of this? Should we be doing something else better? Why don’t I feel more relaxed? “A holiday does not need to be flawless to be restorative or enjoyable. Despite social media often showing us otherwise, there may be bad weather, travel delays, disagreements or restless nights. None of these mean that the holiday has been a failure. It is often the case that the more we try to create the perfect holiday, the less likely we are to experience the moments we were hoping for in the first place.” 7. Create an ‘if/then’ reminder “One of the reasons it can be so difficult to switch off on holiday is that our to-do list often appears in our minds without asking. Rather than instantly trying to suppress these thoughts, decide in advance how you’ll respond when they arrive. If we choose a simple response ahead of time, we reduce the need to make a decision in the moment, making it easier to break the thought patterns. “Here’s an example: ‘If I notice myself worrying about work, then I will take a slow breath and remind myself that I am on holiday, and it can wait until I return.’ You may prefer reassuring phrases such as: ‘Everything important has been left in good hands’ or ‘I’ve chosen to take this time to rest, and I’ll deal with that task when I get back.’ “What we’re doing here is noticing when our mind drifts, responding with self-compassion, rather than frustration, and gently returning our attention to the holiday.”