I’m a Christian and a sex worker — it’s not as contradictory as you think

Melissa’s church is about to get a lesson on kink (Picture: Getty Images) When I tell my clients I cannot spank them on Sunday mornings because I’ll be attending church, they nod appreciatively, as if waiting for the punchline. But I will be at Church. I’ve been fortunate enough to find a passionately inclusive place of worship that knows I’ve been a sex worker for 30 years, a dominatrix and kink model for the last twenty, and welcomes me all the same. Margate Union Church has even invited me to give a talk on kink and Christianity this month, so I’ve spent a good deal of time thinking about the connections between the two — as well as feeling anxious at the prospect of exploring vaguely rude ideas in front of my church family. But I really need to get over that. For too long in the Christian faith, sex and sexuality have been regarded as an issue to be ignored or a problem to be solved. But if the Church cannot speak honestly about bodies, power and desire, it leaves those conversations to places and people rather less concerned with love, dignity and holiness. Historically, this has never ended well. Just read any terrible tale about conversion therapy pushed by those peddling misguided interpretations of the Old Testament. Or listen to the misplaced guilt young Catholic girls can feel around sex, particularly if it ends in unwanted pregnancy. Studies have uncovered how religious folk are more likely to have negative views on premarital sex, teenage sex, and extramarital sex, plus the Rainbow Index of Churches shows we’ve got a long way to go before both England’s Catholic Church and the Church of England are fully LGBTQ+ inclusive. Things are slowly changing, though, and if I can help by proudly sharing my work with my community, I will (yes, even the bits where I role play with a married man… or his wife). I’ve been going to Church for about 12 years. I married a Christian in a Church and found I rather liked attending too. It makes me feel better, happier, more content, more determined to be a better human. I don’t analyse it particularly, just enjoy it. Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. To me, Christianity has never been a disembodied religion. Far from it. Christians believe in a God who didn’t remain distant or abstract, but became flesh: a God who ate, touched, wept, suffered: who lived a human life in a human body. The Bible isn’t embarrassed by bodies either. It contains love poetry that delights in longing: it speaks of mutual responsibility between partners. It uses the language of desire and intimacy to describe the relationship between God and humanity. Sure, there are some denominations that still restrict sex before marriage, or require their priests to be celibate. There’s also no getting around the fact that Jesus is supposed to be born from Mary, a celebrated virgin. But through my eyes, the Bible doesn’t call sex sinful. Instead, it explores what happens when desire becomes careless, coercive or disconnected from love. Since my work has always involved intimacy and desire, answering these ethical questions before play commences is second nature. Is everyone here freely choosing this? Is power being acknowledged rather than ignored? Are boundaries clear? Are we caring for one another, before, during and after? Consent isn’t a box that’s ticked once, but an ongoing conversation which requires regular attention. Dominatrix Melissa Todd (Picture: Supplied) Interestingly, that feels deeply resonant with Christian ideas about covenant — relationships entered freely, sustained by trust and communication, and honoured through responsibility. Unnamed power is where harm hides. Jesus himself warns against leadership that becomes domination. And yet the Church has sometimes struggled to talk about power clearly, especially where sexuality is concerned. Silence feels safer. Again, it’s why, as a sex worker recently given the prestigious industry title Sex-Positive Influencer of 2026, I’m about to stand at the lectern and tell a full congregation all about the links between spanking and their faith. Desire is part of being human, and that longing for connection, for touch and intimacy, is far from a failure of spirituality: it’s one of its languages. Did you know that when examined carefully, certain dynamics present in consensual kink illuminate longstanding Christian theological themes rather than contradict them? Both rely on ritual to establish roles and boundaries, whether contracts and collars or genuflection and rosaries: both involve acts of devotion that may seem extreme and peculiar to outsiders, but within each respective community are understood as loving and meaningful. And indeed, both communities are often misjudged and misunderstood by outsiders, and are often called upon to defend their practices and ethics to wider society who are inclined to blame both subcultures for many of the world’s ills. Live and let live, say I. Whatever gets you through the long wee hours of the night, be it the ten commandments or throbbing purple welts. I’m confident Jesus wouldn’t mind either way. More from Melissa: Certainly in both cases, submission is not regarded as weakness, but a meaningful act that takes place to deepen connections and give life purpose. And of course, both are centred around redemption through suffering. Something I’ve learnt both from my faith and my work as a dominatrix is that ethical relationships depend on truth. Truth about what we want, our limits and the way power moves between us. This morning, a 76-year-old man came to see me who’d been hiding his desires and needs his entire life. When I opened the door, he was shaking with anticipation and emotion. He left my playroom looking like decades of burden and care had at last left him be. Shoulders back, head held high. It’s a gigantic privilege to play a tiny part in that transformation. Simply by speaking honestly with me, by surrendering to emotion, and also by supporting the honesty and emotion he met in return, he feels he’s had a thrillingly kinky afternoon. He’s right, of course. Deals of the Day The viral LED face mask with over 350 lights that's currently discounted by £100 A friend said I looked 'snatched' – I credit this new Charlotte Tilbury powder Shop MySweetSmile's biggest Bank Holiday offers before they end Back-to-school shopping just got a lot cheaper thanks to Primark The back-to-school essential parents forget every year – and it could cost them But I suspect also he may have experienced his first glimmer of spirituality. Do you have a story you’d like to share? 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