I’m 35 and my new man is 67 — I don’t mind if we don’t have sex

This week’s How I Do It diarist is in a fresh new romance (Picture: Myles Goode) Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger. This week we hear from Edith*, a 35-year-old property administrator who is straight and living in London. Edith has a difficult relationship with sex due to a complex PTSD diagnosis she received four years ago, after enduring an abusive relationship. ‘My boundaries weren’t respected,’ Edith explains. ‘Now, before anything physical happens, I need to feel emotionally safe, heard and in control.’ She says she’s reached a point where she no longer feels she has to ignore her own needs to accommodate others. ‘I’m much better at communicating boundaries, asking for reassurance and recognising consent isn’t a one-off conversation,’ Edith adds. Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. And now, she’s met someone new. Edith has been messaging Guy*, who at 67, is 32 years her senior. They matched on a dating app week and this week, they’re finally going to meet. ‘I’d like my sex life to feel exciting rather than frightening, and spontaneous rather than something I mentally prepare for,’ she says. ‘More than anything, I want intimacy to be built on trust, laughter and feeling completely safe with another person.’ Without further ado, here’s how Edith got on this week… The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work. Monday I wake up this morning with butterflies as I’m finally travelling to see Guy this week. Eek! I’m nervous. With my ex, when it came to intimacy, there were times where saying no, slowing things down or even admitting I was uncomfortable would cause an argument, disappointment or trigger some kind of emotional punishment. Because of that, all things physical stopped being fun and started feeling like something I had to manage carefully. I spend most of today wondering whether I’ll even feel safe enough to hold Guy’s hand. But, the fact that Guy’s older is actually one of the many reasons why I’m attracted to him. I find myself drawn towards older men. It’s not a blanket rule, but I think the life experience often makes me feel safer. There’s usually a bit more calmness, patience and emotional maturity, which helps me feel like I can relax and be myself without having to explain everything. Guy has complex PTSD too — his trauma comes from growing up with parents who struggled with drug abuse. So, we’ve spent months talking about our experiences, and how to check in with each other if we get overwhelmed. We both understand that feeling safe with someone isn’t always as simple as just liking them. A few years ago, I’d never have imagined talking about consent before a first kiss. But now, it’s a must. We speak on the phone while I make dinner and end up laughing about how carefully we’ve planned everything. It probably sounds unromantic, but after everything I’ve been through, what I’m really looking forward to is feeling safe. Tuesday After our phone call last night, I wake up feeling positive, but by lunchtime my brain had started doing what it does best: overthinking everything. I catch myself wondering if I’ve shared too much about my past or whether things will feel different once we’re together. Trauma isn’t logical, even when someone gives you no reason to doubt them. When I finish work, there’s a message from Guy asking: ‘How are you feeling today?’ Such a simple question, yet it means so much, bless him. We spend the evening talking about the weekend, from train times to food choices, and he reminds me that if anything feels too much, I only have to say so once. I really appreciate him for that. He’s definitely the oldest guy I’ve dated, and I acknowledge we’re in two different life phases, but I just feel warm and appreciated in his company. I would say he’s very attractive, but once I like someone, everything about them becomes attractive. How he looks, the things he says, everything. I head to bed feeling much calmer than the day started. Holiday Extras is the market leader in UK airport parking, hotels, lounges, and transfers. Booking an airport hotel means you can enjoy more holiday with less hassle – and rest easy without having to drive through the night for an early flight. Wednesday I can feel myself getting excited this morning, far more than I am nervous or scared. In the evening, we video call whilst I chuck stuff into my suitcase. We end up laughing about how much we’ve planned. It’s probably not how most couples flirt, but somehow it feels far more intimate. Before we hang up, he says: ‘There isn’t a right or wrong outcome this weekend. If all we do is spend time together, that’s enough.’ I didn’t realise how much I needed to hear those words. Especially after dealing with guys who don’t understand I operate differently. I’ve had men act like I was being difficult or making things awkward because I needed things to go slower. I’ve had moments where I’ve pushed past my own discomfort because I didn’t want someone to feel rejected or annoyed with me. For so long, I’ve felt like intimacy came with expectations, but this chat makes me realise it doesn’t have to feel like pressure. Thursday Tomorrow, I’ll finally be on a train to see him, and tonight that feels both exciting and nerve-wracking. Work helped keep my mind occupied, but every quiet moment reminded me how much courage this trip has taken. This evening, we chat while I finish packing. We laugh about our 32-year age gap and how people would probably assume he’s a sugar daddy. I’ll admit I did mention to a close friend I was speaking to someone much older than me, but from her facial expression I immediately backtracked. I made out it was just a five year age gap, so if things get serious, I’ll have to cross that bridge when I come to it. I don’t feel under pressure this weekend, but I do think it would feel silly to have talked everything to death and not even kiss. I guess we’ll see. Friday Today is finally the day. I wake up excited, mainly because who doesn’t love a Friday off work? But also because I’ve spent months building trust over phone calls, and I don’t know if everything will change once we’re face-to-face. When I arrive at his house to drop my things off, he smiles. Then he simply asks if he can hug me. Even though it’s such a small question, I feel myself relax almost instantly. We immediately head out and spend the afternoon chatting over coffee and cake, before heading back to his house, and conversation flows just as easily as it did over the phone. Somehow, talking so openly about boundaries and triggers beforehand makes everything else feel effortless. In a weird way, the age gap makes me feel more comfortable. By his age, he’s heard and seen it all. Saturday I wake up this morning in his bed. He took the sofa bed at my feet, andI realise I slept better than expected. Usually, sleeping somewhere new leaves me on edge, but nothing happened last night beyond watching a film and talking for hours, which felt like enough. At the back of my mind, I kept wondering if I should make a move, or whether he was thinking about it. We spend today walking around a local market, grabbing coffee and laughing over lunch. Every now and then he asks before holding my hand or putting his arm around me. I find myself saying yes because I genuinely want to. More like this... Then, we cook dinner together (he cooks, I chat and pass him things) and talk about everything from therapy to our hopes for the future. T I can see he’s a little nervous. Eventually he leans in, and I’m nervous too, but excited. Then, he kisses me. It’s nothing more than a small, gentle peck, but it’s a rush. As he pulls away, I’m flooded with a calm and relaxed feeling. Then I feel slightly awkward in a way, because I’m not sure what to do next. Then we hug and talk afterwards, and I feel really reassured. The dynamic between us is even more relaxed after this. It’s been the perfect day. Sunday Guy cooks me breakfast in bed this morning, which is something romantic I’d talked about wanting (so grateful he listens). The moment feels special because of all the conversations we’ve had, which have created a level of intimacy between us. PTSD can’t always hold me back. As he hugs me goodbye, he asks when he can see me again, and it dawns on me that there’s been so much chatter about this weekend, I hadn’t thought about how often I’d be visiting after this. Deals of the Day Wuka launches the UK’s first period-proof swimwear for heavy flows Bridgerton fans are rushing to buy these new Netflix-inspired perfumes now £12 off The affordable summer wardrobe update you'll wear from rooftop drinks to beach holidays The £7.99 lip balm beauty fans love for glossy, hydrated lips just dropped four new shades This Keskine hydrogel mask could fix your summer skin On the train journey home I’m feeling happy and content. Normally, after a weekend away, I’m relieved to retreat back into my own space, but I’m finding myself almost feeling sad and wishing I could’ve stayed a little longer. Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@metro.co.uk Arrow MORE: We’re together 24/7 — apart from when I’m in bed with someone else Arrow MORE: Vile or valid: Is it okay to file your nails on public transport? Arrow MORE: What is sapiosexuality? 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