I Went to a Risqué Place With My Husband. What Happened There Has Him Fuming—and Me Confused.

How to Do It He’s acting like a child. Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Liudmila Chernetska/iStock/Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous! Dear How to Do It, My husband and I went to a sex club for the first time (he’d been asking for ages), and now he’s pissed for the most infuriating reason. I ended up having sex with a handful of guys while he was only with two women. He says it’s not fair. I had no control over who approached him or how long he lasted. Isn’t he being childish about the entire situation? —Be Careful What You Wish For Dear Be Careful What You Wish For, Yes, if this is really the long and short of the situation, I’d say your husband is being childish. It sounds like he’s frustrated that he didn’t get more action and he’s taking it out on you. But there is no standard of fair here, no cosmic order that has been breached. You enter a venue where people are having sex, you attract the interest you do. Some people will get more takers than others, and sometimes those people are in relationships and attending with their partners. That’s not anybody’s fault or anything to get mad at. If the quality of the sex he had was good, it’s especially galling that he’d complain. That reeks of entitlement, like he’s somehow deserving of interest out of principle. It’s numbers game nonsense. Unless there was some kind of a rule you two had set, mood dampening as it may have been, that you guys were to only engage with an equal number of people, he has no real right to complain. This is one of those grievances that surfaces in the moment and its only real practical application is for figuring out how to make next time more comfortable and pleasant for everyone. Your husband should be happy that people find you hot and that he was able to have sex with two new people, which is more than the zero that he would have if you hadn’t given in and agreed to go to the sex party. —Rich More Advice From Slate I have been dating an amazing man for about six months. Before him, I would have said big dick was a necessity. Deep and intense penetration was hot and essential to me. Until now. My boyfriend’s penis is small and on the soft side during erections. And sex with him has been 100 percent amazing. Our focus is not on penis-in-vagina sex, and I have never cared less about it. The sex we have is passionate, creative, and fun. WTF, have my supposed preferences been reset by my skilled lover? Or after the flush of new love wears off, will I start to miss big D? What do I do if that happens? Advice Sex