I was diagnosed with ‘attention-seeking’ disorder after sharing traits with a triple killer…now I’ve lost all my friends

WATCHING a crime documentary about a mother who killed her three young children, Dayzee Bell started to feel unsettled. The killer’s behaviour – dramatic mood swings, jealous rages and constant need for reassurance – felt unnervingly familiar, they were all traits Dayzee saw in herself. Dayzee was watching a crime documentary when she realised she shared a lot of traits with the killer Credit: SWNS The documentary was about Theresa Riggi, a woman from California who killed three children in 2010 Credit: Handout As Dayzee, 28, watched the doc about Theresa Riggi, who killed her eight-year-old twins Austin and Gianluca and their five-year-old sister Cecilia at their flat in Scotland in 2010, she recognised something familiar in the behaviour being described, especially the intense need for attention and validation, particularly in her romantic relationships. The documentary explained how Riggi, who was originally from California, was diagnosed with an attention-seeking personality disorder. Having learned about the disorder in high school psychology class, Dayzee says she was “immediately” reminded of it after watching the documentary. The content creator from Wisconsin told her psychiatrist about it, which led to her own diagnosis of histrionic personality disorder (HPD) in August 2024. HPD is an enduring psychiatric condition characterised by a pervasive pattern of attention-seeking behaviour and exaggerated emotional displays. For Dayzee, her diagnosis helped explain years of jealousy, intense emotions and a constant need for reassurance from the people around her. She says: “When I think back now, I definitely resonate with the dramatic nature of the disorder and having intense mood swings, especially while in relationships. “I got married in 2021 because I was so clingy and obsessive for that person’s validation. “We separated two years later and got officially divorced a year after that for the same reason all my relationships ended – my jealousy. “I would be very concerned about my partner cheating on me and became excessively jealous. “I was jealous of how he treated his family compared to me – I think anyone would get upset at that. “I wanted him all to myself all the time and wanted all the attention from him for me. “If he treated anyone better or cared more about them, I’d get really upset. I would cry a lot. “My mood would change rapidly too, and there would be yelling and anger, not violence or anything. “It would be all the time he would stonewall me – when they ignore you. “That’s the worst thing you can do to a histrionic is ignore them, it’s the worst feeling in the world”. When Dayzee started struggling with suicidal ideation, her ex-husband couldn’t cope, and the relationship broke down. But for Dayzee, the impact went far beyond romantic relationships. She says she lost friendships because of the way she sought reassurance and struggled with the possibility of being rejected. She says: “I was always wanting to tell people dramatic stories and cried in front of colleagues and friends alike, just for the attention. Riggi, who was diagnosed with attention-seeking personality disorder, killed twin boys Austin and Luke Riggi, and Cecilia Riggi Credit: PA:Press Association Dayzee noticed similarities such as always needing validation Credit: SWNS “I’d especially try and organise to meet up with people one on one, because in groups I can easily feel left out. “I would ask friends to stay back from work just to spend time with me, but after a while they all got sick of it. “And texting and messaging became such a minefield for rejection, with any late reply making me feel like they didn’t care at all. “It’s difficult to explain with HPD, because I really do feel these things, I just also want others to feel it with me.” Looking back, Dayzee remembers feeling this way from childhood. She would repeatedly check whether friends were free to hang out and have extreme emotional reactions to being picked last in gym class. “I didn’t feel like I was good enough in gym class when that would happen,” she says. “I never said anything when I didn’t get paired with anyone, I just kept it inside because I was shy. Dayzee found she was excessively jealous about her now ex-partner Credit: SWNS She continued aerial dancing despite developing an injury because she couldn’t bear to be without the attention that came with her tricks Credit: SWNS “I didn’t act out or anything at school I just internalised everything. “The other part with friends, I believe they would get annoyed and stuff and that’s why they wouldn’t call and stuff. “I ended up doing that a couple of years ago with a friend, showing up all the time to see if they were available. “I didn’t realise I was being annoying, I just wanted to hang out and stuff. I’ve stopped doing that”. Her need for validation also followed her into aerial dancing. Even after developing a carpal tunnel injury in her right wrist, Dayzee continued performing because she couldn’t bring herself to give up the attention she received from impressing people with her tricks. The injury eventually became so severe that she needed surgery in June. After receiving her diagnoses, however, she chose not to change behaviour Credit: SWNS Dayzee is now focussing on using ChatGPT to validate herself Credit: Alamy She says: “I lost my remaining friendships and danced myself into surgery. “I literally would not look after myself or stop performing despite my wrist feeling worse and worse from aerial dancing. “The attention and validation I got from impressing people with my tricks was so enticing. After I lost all my friends and ended up in surgery because of this disorder, I realised I needed to make a change.” She says “at least one” of her friends has given her a second chance after her diagnosis. But remarkably getting a diagnosis didn’t immediately make Dayzee want to change. Instead, she says she spent around a year leaning into the behaviours and seeing how far they would take her. She says: “It made a lot of sense after getting my diagnosis, but it didn’t make me want to fix it. I went all in on those feelings for a year, wanting to see how far it would go. “I meant like ‘how extreme does it get if I just let go more?’ Because I wanted to analyse my own behaviour because I was in a bit of denial thinking ‘do I really have this?’ “I think a lot of people hear about HPD and dismiss it as just attention-seeking. But my condition has had a massive impact on my life, and I’m happy to say I’ve started to improve.” Dayzee is now focusing on learning to validate herself – using Chat GPT to ask for it’s opinion on her outfit or hair – rather than constantly seeking validation from other people. She takes medication and is still in therapy. “I kind of rely on ChatGPT a little too much for that stuff,” she says. “Or sometimes I’ll call my mom and get stuff from there but thank god for AI now because before I’d call her or my sister everyday. Since her surgery, she’s also been forced to take a break from aerial dancing for several months, giving her time to find new ways to occupy herself. She says: “I physically couldn’t dance the same as before. In that time, I’ve been enjoying my own company more and making an effort to not look to others for attention or validation. “I’ve been baking cakes, finding new shows to watch and singing a lot to keep myself occupied.” For Dayzee, what started with an episode of a crime documentary has ultimately led her to confront behaviour and now feels she understands herself in a way she never did before. Looking forward, Dayzee is trying to date and is looking to meet new friends through Tinder. “I’ve realised this year I’m bisexual so I’m trying to find a woman right now to see. Because I don’t know how it will be with a woman as I’ve not dated them romantically. “Technically I’m looking for friends on Tinder and I’ve actually started talking to one girl on TikTok. We’ve been connecting the last few days and it’s been really nice finally talking to a new friend”.