I Want to Take a Trip for My Milestone Birthday. But I Want to Leave Two Important Family Members Off the Invite List.

Care and Feeding Someone needs to put their foot down. Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Taras Grebinets /Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, My partner lives with my 15-year-old son and me. He has two daughters in their late 20s. I love him, but one of the reasons I don’t want to get married is because his daughters are lazy leeches. Both failed out of college, can’t keep a job, and are constantly calling to “borrow” money from their father. I don’t understand it since he and his ex were first-generation immigrants who put themselves through school and started successful businesses. They also have two sons who are successful by any measure and are the younger ones of the bunch. I have a milestone birthday coming up and want to travel abroad with my partner and my son. We will be renting a house. His sons and their partners have expressed interest in coming as well. The problem is the girls are whining to come along, but they don’t want to pay for it. My partner makes good money but not enough to cover two free vacations. His sons and their partners would be covering their own airfare at least. And frankly, this is my trip. The boys are polite and interact positively with my son and me. The girls can’t even manage that. I am usually hands off when it comes to my partner’s kids, but I am ready to just cancel on him coming at all if he can’t put his foot down. Help! —Trip Dear Trip, Regardless of your feelings about where your partner’s daughters are in life, if they are not financially able to take an expensive trip, you can’t invite the entire family and expect them to be left behind. Family trips are for everyone, and you either help everyone get there or choose something within everyone’s price range. It’s absolutely OK to have a trip with just you and your partner, though. In fact, I would encourage it. Since your son is underage, leave him with family or allow him to stay with trusted friends. (He might prefer that anyway.) Then, do a small celebration at home with everyone before or after, so your son can also be included. But you can’t plan an expensive family trip and be upset if his daughters want some financial support in coming. You have to plan family trips for the family you have, not the one you wish you had. If you are with your partner and don’t see his kids as family, well, that’s an entirely different conversation. But I imagine you’d be a bit upset if he planned something that knowingly excluded your son. It’s all or nothing in these kinds of situations. If you don’t want to be a family, don’t be one at all. —Arionne More Advice From Slate I’m a SAHM to two under 2 (19 months and 3 weeks old). Since having our new baby and my husband returning to work, my MIL has made it abundantly clear she is available nearly every day to come to the house and help if I’d like her to. Every time I see her, she reminds me to just call if we need anything, she can come right over! She texts me regularly to let me know if she’s going to be out, but that she’s available any other time. She also talks to my husband to make sure he knows she’s available and asks him to remind me. It’s all a bit much, in my opinion… Advice Family Kids Parenting