I want to quit my job – my wife says it’s just a midlife crisis and we need the money

I have a stable job in sales that I don’t like, but that pays the mortgage. It’s stressful, but gives me little satisfaction. I love photography and have always dreamt of doing it full time. Lately, I’ve been looking into it more as I wonder if this is all my life is going to be. My wife calls this my ‘mid-life crisis fantasy’. On paper, I know I look like a success – a house, a great wife, children and friends. But I actually feel like a failure because of my job – I am passionlessly going through the motions, 50 hours a week. I feel trapped. What can I do? SJ, N Lincs Shorts Dear SJ, It is so hard when we’re outwardly incredibly fortunate, yet feel unfulfilled. I admire you for addressing this – so many of my clients feel duty-bound by society to forget themselves as individuals and sacrifice their creative dreams. It often ends up with them feeling depressed. I suspect the feeling you’re experiencing is that there is no space in your life for you to express yourself creatively and follow your passions. My suggestion is that you stop seeing the world in such a binary way. I’d recommend that you take the time to celebrate your success and recognise how much you’ve achieved in your life. At the same time, recognise that you haven’t created a space for you to be yourself and follow your photography passion. These two things can co-exist. Then, start creating that space in your life. Rather than resigning, see if you can cut back the 50 hours so you can carve out some time for your hobby. Do you want to do a course to teach you the technical skills of photography? Do you want to set up a social media page where you can share your expression? While photography is a hugely competitive art form, it has never been easier to share your work and I’d do as younger generations do and start showcasing your pictures. I’d also recommend that you start connecting with other photographers, artists, people who share your artistic perspective or have a keen eye. By building more connections and friendships with people who share your passion, irrespective of their age and life stage, you are giving that part of yourself space to exist and express itself. Rather than a midlife crisis, it sounds to me that this is a midlife transition into a more balanced existence where your needs are acknowledged. Ask your wife to talk more about her feelings – her comment may come from a place of fear over the financial stability of your family? This is a valid concern, and I urge you not to take this route, but to make space for yourself within the wonderful life that you have created, rather than re-rolling the dice. Perhaps she too feels like she doesn’t have space for her dreams. She might be taking umbrage to your suggestions because it feels like you should both be making sacrifices, rather than you following your passions while she is unable to make space for herself. For every man who minimises their sense of self to unconsciously fulfil society’s expectations of providing for their family, there are women minimising themselves to make sure they are round-the-clock nurturing their families. This loss of time for yourself is so difficult in the early years of having children, and often leads to resentment. If you find that your wife continues to be negative about your passion, even after offering her reassurances, then rather than persuading her of how you feel, I’d recommend that you invest that energy in photography. You don’t need permission to have a passion.