I thought I'd found my dream man after my 20-year marriage ended... then I made a terrifying discovery on my iPhone

For more than a decade, Sarah* believed she was building a life with the man she thought would be her forever person.Instead, she said she ended up trapped in a terrifying cycle of coercive control, stalking and psychological abuse that continued long after the relationship ended, including the discovery that her ex had allegedly planted himself inside her Apple ID and was secretly tracking her through her own phone.Now 51, the Western Australian woman is speaking out to warn others about the growing danger of tech-facilitated abuse and how easily intimate partners can weaponise everyday devices against the people they claim to love.'If you think someone randomly just knows too much or is always there when you seem to be... be mindful and beware of that,' she told Daily Mail.Sarah met the man through online dating in 2014 after leaving a 20-year marriage.At the time, she described herself as happy, successful and well-connected within her community. She had children, a full-time job and was optimistic about finding love again.'There was what you'd probably now call love bombing,' she said when remembering their first few dates.'He seemed head over heels with me, even though I'd only met him once or twice. At the time, I felt like, "Wow, he's really interested in me, he's asking me lots of questions".' Sarah* discovered her ex had allegedly planted himself inside her Apple ID and was secretly tracking her through her own phoneLooking back now, however, she believes something much darker was happening beneath the surface and he was simply 'working her out'.There were warning signs early on, including his fixation on his ex-wife during their very first date where he labelled her 'crazy', which Sarah admittedly found strange at the time.However, the relationship progressed quickly and, for the first year or two, she said things appeared relatively normal, but over time, his behaviour allegedly became increasingly controlling.But rather than directly forbidding her from seeing friends or going out, Sarah said the manipulation was far more subtle, and insidious.'His behaviour and his moods became so strong they were impacting our relationship and family, so I started to walk on eggshells at home,' she explained.'He never verbally said, "You can't do this, you can't do that," but his behaviour and his punishment towards me or around the house became controlling.'She described constant sulking, silent treatment, emotional outbursts and guilt-tripping whenever she tried to socialise or spend time away from him.'If I was going to have coffee with a friend, he would ring me after half an hour, saying "are you finished yet? What am I supposed to do? I'm at home, I'm lonely."' After noticing repeated 'coincidences,' she discovered her Apple ID had been linked to her abuser's computer for months, giving him ongoing access to her phone and the ability to track her movementsOver time, Sarah felt lost friendships, hobbies and part-time jobs.'Towards the end, it felt like he actually hated me,' she added.But it wasn't until she finally decided to leave the 10-year relationship that she realised just how deeply the alleged surveillance of her had gone.Sarah said she first became suspicious after her ex repeatedly referenced private conversations she had only ever discussed through Facebook Messenger with close friends.'I thought, 'What the f***? How do you know what I've said to my friend?' she recalled.Feeling very suspicious, and with the help of a friend, she discovered multiple unknown devices connected to her Facebook and email accounts, which she swiftly removed.But the most alarming discovery came later, after the pair had separated and her lawyers became involved in family property proceedings.Sarah said her lawyer had emailed her a confidential draft letter outlining financial questions they planned to send to her ex-husband later that day.Just one hour later, her ex allegedly emailed her directly, pre-emptively responding to the exact points contained inside the draft.'I said to my friend, "That's really weird. My lawyer just emailed me this draft an hour ago and now he's emailed me pretty much answering her exact questions,"' she said.She contacted her lawyer to ask whether the document had accidentally already been sent to him.It hadn't.That was the moment she realised somebody may still have been inside her phone, so Sarah began digging through her device settings and made a chilling discovery: one of her ex-partner's computers was connected to her Apple ID.'His name was there, his computer name was there, his email address was there,' she said.She immediately removed the device, changed her password and believed the nightmare was finally over, but months later, strange incidents continued.'For example, I would have an appointment and he would be at the appointment before I turned up,' Sarah said. Using a public library computer because she was too frightened to use her own devices, Sarah accessed the deeper Apple ID security settings, where she allegedly found her ex-partner had inserted himself as a notification email contact tied to her accountWith the help of a domestic violence support worker, Sarah later discovered there was allegedly another layer of access she hadn't known existed.Using a public library computer because she was too frightened to use her own devices, the pair accessed the deeper Apple ID security settings, where they allegedly found her ex-partner had inserted himself as a notification email contact tied to her account.'I thought months ago I'd already removed his device, but I didn't know there was still other bits of him in there,' she said.'On the actual computer, we could see he had put his email address in there without my permission, without my authority.'Sarah said untangling herself from the account became a logistical nightmare involving new phone numbers, SIM cards, passwords and email addresses - all of which had to be changed in a specific order to avoid allegedly alerting him.'It was an absolute nightmare. I'm not very good with technology and I'm dealing with someone who's very good with technology.' How your old phone could save a life Every three minutes, someone in Australia calls for emergency help due to domestic violence.Yet many victims can't call at all. Perpetrators often use phones to control and monitor their victims, leaving them isolated and without a secure way to contact friends, family, or emergency support.For domestic violence victims, access to a safe phone can mean the difference between life and death.DV Safe Phone gives your old phone a new purpose by helping victims stay connected, stay safe, and move towards a brighter future.The goal is to get a safe phone into the hands of every Australian domestic violence victim who needs one.There are more than two million known domestic violence victims in Australia. Even after she believed he had been removed from her Apple ID, Sarah alleges the stalking continued through other platforms, including LinkedIn, where she said he repeatedly viewed her profile multiple times a day, despite having restraining orders in place preventing him from monitoring her.'During the day, I'd get alerts constantly… my abuser has just gone through my page,' she said. The alleged stalking escalated so severely that Sarah eventually obtained a family violence restraining order in March 2024.Her ex-partner was later charged with four breaches of the order, allegedly committed over a three-year period, and fined $3,000. Then, in 2025, he was further charged with alleged aggravated stalking and 10 additional alleged breaches.Sarah said the most frightening part of the ordeal was realising how vulnerable intimate relationships can make people when it comes to technology and passwords.'When you're with someone that you trust, you never think in your wildest dreams that someone who loves you and should protect you is actually going to be your perpetrator,' she said.'So, if you're thinking about leaving a relationship or have left one, you're at risk. Check all your devices.'Sarah is now working with DV Safe Phone to raise awareness around tech-facilitated abuse and the importance of having access to secure, private devices for victim-survivors escaping dangerous situations. *Name has been changed for safety reasons.