I thought I had amazing chemistry with a guy after two perfect dates… but now he’s completely ghosted me

AFTER getting on brilliantly with a guy I was chatting to – and then going on two dates – I hoped it might develop into that special relationship. But now he’s not replied to my messages for a week and I’m terrified I’ve ruined it all. I’m 23 and he’s 26. We chatted online and, after discovering we lived just minutes apart, the connection felt instant. He manages a restaurant, so I knew our schedules would be tricky. I work in a mobile phone shop and I do a lot of late shifts, too. Sign up for the Dear Deidre newsletter Thank you! We were determined to meet, though, and after a week of talking, we went out for a drink. It was great. Our second date was perfect — a cinema trip then dinner. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial We couldn’t stop laughing or flirting and we ended up at his flat above the restaurant, where things heated up quickly. I hadn’t planned on having sex with him, but the chemistry was undeniable, so when he asked me if I wanted it, of course, I did. Everything seemed normal the next morning. He kissed me goodbye and we texted a few times that day. When I asked if we were OK, he replied: “Why wouldn’t we be?” Yet my gut screamed that something was wrong. Then, when he didn’t reply to a text after his shift, I realised I was being ghosted — and not for the first time. Why am I such an idiot? I shouldn’t sleep with somebody on a second date. I keep reaching out, terrified I’m coming across as clingy, but I can’t stop myself. My past is full of guys who dump me just as things start to get good. I feel like a desperate loser. DEIDRE SAYS: The silence is painful, but you need to rip off the plaster and find out if he’s simply distracted or if his interest has waned. Send him one final, calm message asking for honesty. If he doesn’t respond or says he isn’t interested, accept it with your head held high. It’s a painful lesson, but take it on board. A week or two of online chat is no substitute for building a foundation in the real world, so next time pace yourself, only allowing sex to happen when you feel there’s trust – and genuine commitment. Intimacy can cloud your judgement if it comes too early and can derail the slow build of a proper bond. Being clingy shows an insecurity, not a character flaw, but attraction grows when you value yourself enough to step back. My support pack, Learning About Relationships, explains more. FIXATED ON OLDER WOMEN DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE having sex as a teen with my mum’s friend, I’ve never been with someone near my own age – and only fantasise about older women. I was 14 when I first had a crush on this woman, who was around 40. When I was 16 I went round to drop off a book Mum had borrowed and she invited me inside. She asked me about girlfriends and I said I fancied her. She giggled and said she was flattered. She stroked my hair and I kissed her on the cheek. It continued into full-blown sex on the floor of her lounge. It was my first time but she said I was a natural so we continued to meet up until she put an end to it. I’m 35 now and looking at dating sites for older women. I don’t want to be with somebody in their 50s but I can’t stop. DEIDRE SAYS: Having a crush on an older person when a teen isn’t unusual. You were old enough to consent, but this woman was your mum’s friend so arguably was in a position of trust. I’m sure your mum would have felt betrayed by her actions, as this woman took advantage of you. She probably realised how this relationship would look, which is why she ended your liaison. To have a better understanding of where these feelings are coming from, some counselling would help. My support pack, Age Gaps – Do They Matter?, will show you the next steps. BOYFRIEND’S SICK DESIRE FOR MY KID DEAR DEIDRE: FINDING out my 40-year-old boyfriend was a paedophile who had his sights on my seven-year-old daughter made me physically sick. He’d always been secretive and closed his laptop lid when I was nearby. But one afternoon, he got a call to say his mother had fallen, so he rushed out the house, leaving the device open. One tab was a website for people interested in kids. I’m not sure if it was through the dark web, but it was sickening. My disgusting boyfriend had shared pictures of my little girl, saying he wanted to touch her. I screamed at him when he got home and threw him out. Then I reported him to the police but they never brought charges. Apparently, “thinking” about something this horrific is not the same as acting on it. He’s got away with it and I’m horrified. DEIDRE SAYS: I totally understand. You did the right thing by reporting him and, even though the police didn’t have enough evidence, there will be a red flag against his name. If you know the website he used, you can report it through CEOP (Child Exploitation And Online Protection Command, ceop.police.uk/safety-centre) which can investigate. For concerns about your daughter, please contact the NSPCC (nspcc.org.uk, 0808 800 5000). GIRLFRIEND HAD TERMINATION BUT KEPT ME IN DARK DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend had an abortion without telling me and I think I know why – the baby was her work colleague’s and not mine. I’m a roadie with a band and work away a lot. My last stint was eight weeks touring the US. I’m 27. My girlfriend is 25 and she has a marketing job. She socialises with colleagues a lot and she went out with them in the weeks before I returned home from America. I always check the camera doorbell to know she’s got home safe, but on one of her nights out, she didn’t get in until after seven in the morning. I asked her about it the next day on FaceTime but she said she’d fallen asleep at a mate’s house. We’d agreed to try for a baby, so some weeks after my trip, when she told me she had a positive pregnancy test, I was over the moon. A few days later she said she was going to a spa with a friend, but when she got home she broke down, admitting to a termination. I was upset and suspicious, so asked her about her night out and she said again that she’d stayed with a mate. She later admitted that her colleague had kissed her but she insisted that they didn’t take it any further. Since our deep discussion, she hasn’t wanted sex. The maths for the conception isn’t right and I’m convinced she cheated. Why would she stop the chance of us becoming parents otherwise? DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds suspicious unless she changed her mind about wanting a family. If you’re not right for her, she should have admitted that she wasn’t feeling it, rather than leading you on. Working away for long periods isn’t helping. You’re grieving the loss of becoming a father and it’s natural to feel upset about her decision. Instead of grilling her for a confession now, ask her whether she can be honest enough to admit whether this relationship has a future, or has the damage been done? Comment now