I thought a gorgeous younger woman fancied me after months of casual sex… but does she only want a baby?

DEAR DEIDRE: FINDING a gorgeous younger woman who really fancied me and didn’t want commitment seemed just too good to be true. Now, after six months of fun dates and lots of good sex, I think I’ve figured it all out. I’m 48 and she’s 31. She’s truly stunning and I fancied her straight away when we met at a concert. She kept talking to me at the bar, without showing any sign of wanting to go back to her mates. She was so confident and gave me her number, saying we should meet again. We did, days later at a bar, and she didn’t lose any time in letting me know what she wanted. She told me she had a regular boyfriend but they both enjoyed meeting other people. She said she liked me but if anything were to happen between us it would have to remain casual. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial I’m normally the one who avoids commitment so this was a breath of fresh air for me. I readily agreed and quickly became the envy of my mates. As far as I know, she was seeing around two other men casually over the same period and took great delight in calling me her Sugar Daddy. I didn’t mind picking up the bills or spoiling her with gifts. To be honest, it gave me such pleasure to see her so happy and I loved her company. Over time, she started asking me what I thought about having children. It was weird and felt like it came out of nowhere. Surprised, I told her I had never wanted the responsibility. She seemed to drop it but a week later asked if we could have sex without a condom. She tried to sound casual, saying she wanted to feel me “properly”, but I refused. Now I think I’ve worked her out. All along, I think she wanted a sponsor for her child. I’m not sure what the deal is with her boyfriend but maybe he doesn’t want children either, or can’t have them. Do you think I’m right? DEIDRE SAYS: You may well be right, but will never really know unless you have a frank conversation with her. Stick to your guns regarding safe sex. There is a lot more at stake than simply an unwanted pregnancy. Having unprotected sex in an open relationship set-up is a game of Russian roulette. And if your decision to keep safe ends this arrangement, you have your answer. Either way, I suspect now that you feel unsettled and are concerned this woman may have ulterior motives, it may be worth discussing if the current arrangement works for you both. My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will hep you have this difficult conversation. THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME DEAL WITH BULLYING EX DEAR DEIDRE: I WROTE to you because I had to sit next to my ex every day at college and it was making me so anxious. He’d manipulated me, spread rumours about me and left me feeling completely isolated. I’m a 17-year-old girl, and had no one else to talk to. You suggested I ask to move seats, keep conversations short and never let him see how upset I felt. You also encouraged me to contact themix.org.uk, who provide confidential counselling for under-25s. You made me feel less alone. It wasn’t easy. He carried on spreading lies, even telling people I’d sent him money because I was desperate to get him back. I was added to a group chat where his friends bombarded me with nasty texts before I was thrown out. The final straw came when he actually demanded I thank him because he’d supposedly told his friends to stop bullying me. I wrote in again and you made me see how abusive he was and that I shouldn’t blame myself. You helped me stand up for myself. I just wanted to say a massive thank you because you got me through one of the worst times of my life. DEIDRE SAYS: Sadly, in life we sometimes have to deal with nasty people we’d rather not be around. Very well done for standing your ground and not letting him hurt you any more. CUT OFF FROM GRANDCHILD AFTER SON’S WIFE SAW RED DEAR DEIDRE: A STUPID misunderstanding with my daughter-in-law has torn my family apart. Now I fear I’ve lost my son and my precious grandchild for ever. My husband and I are in our sixties and our two-year-old grandson is the light of our lives. We used to see him every weekend, taking him to the park to feed the ducks. But after a row with my son, we’ve been cut off completely. It’s all because of a couple of comments that were taken out of context. When I said, “I’ve read that too much screen time isn’t good for toddlers”, my daughter-in-law accused me of saying she was a bad mum. Another time, when our grandson threw his lunch on the floor, and I told him off, his mum got angry with me. She said I was criticising her parenting again. Since then, she has called me toxic and sent angry messages to other members of my family. My son has now stopped speaking to me and we no longer see our grandson. We were a close family, so I even reached out to her mum, who I thought was a friend, but she has ignored me too. I’ve apologised for upsetting her but she rejects every attempt to make peace. I feel heartbroken and so stressed. I desperately want to know how to put my family back together. DEIDRE SAYS: Losing contact with your son and grandson must be devastating, but this can be resolved. Your daughter-in-law is angry right now, so your apologies will sound like excuses and fall on deaf ears. Give her some breathing space. As for your son, he is caught between you, so don’t make her the enemy or you’ll push him away. Give it a couple of weeks, then send a simple message saying you’re sorry, you love them and are there when they’re ready to talk. You can get more advice about this from familylives.org.uk. GIRLFRIEND CAN’T MAKE MIND UP ON BABY DEAR DEIDRE: ONE minute, my girlfriend tells me she’s pregnant and we’re going to be a family, the next she says she’s not keeping the baby. I have no idea where I stand with her. I’m 28 and she is 25. I’m excited about becoming a dad but will support her if she doesn’t want to have the baby. What I can’t cope with is the mixed messages – and the put-downs. Whenever we argue, she starts adding random men on social media and messaging them. She even sends me screenshots of their conversations, full of sexual comments, just to hurt me. She’ll tell me I’m not good enough and she can easily find someone better. But once she’s calmed down, she acts like nothing’s happened, says she loves me and wants us to stay together. I really love her, but I can’t deal with all the drama. What should I do? DEIDRE SAYS: Your girlfriend’s behaviour is unfair and controlling. While the decision about the pregnancy is ultimately hers, you deserve honesty and stability. When things are calm, tell her that her mixed messages, and the fact she taunts you with her messages to other guys, is all affecting your mental health. Ask her whether she’s willing to work on the relationship and what she needs from you in return. If nothing changes, think carefully about whether this relationship is healthy for you. You can still be a good dad even if you aren’t together as a couple. My support packs, Standing Up For Yourself and Looking After Your Relationship, will help. TEENAGE TROUBLES DEAR DEIDRE: MY doctor says I need to get my ears micro-suctioned. I’m a 16-year-old boy and totally embarrassed about my ears. My mates keep joking that I never hear a word they say. The doctor says I’ve got so much earwax built up that I need it removed with micro-suction, whatever that is. He’s promised it should improve my hearing, but I can’t stop imagining it’ll damage my ears and I’ll wake up deaf. DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t worry and be embarrassed – earwax is normal and everyone gets it. Micro-suction is a safe, fast and effective way to remove the build-up. It uses a gentle suction device to remove any blockage – like a vacuum cleaner for ears. It’s safer than the syringes used in the past. Ask your doctor for reassurance. You should be able to hear much better afterwards.