I spent £9K on Botox, lip filler and even a thread lift… but my husband’s reaction left me speechless

ARRIVING home with a cluster of telltale pin pricks dotted around my eyes, I found my husband in the kitchen making dinner. I wondered whether this would be the day that Cornel, 45, a musician, finally noticed the secret that had been staring him in the face for the past five years – but his reaction floored me. Journalist Julie Cook, 48, from Hampshire, has spent £9k on tweakments over the last eight years Credit: Lorna Roach Julie’s husband Cornel has racked up a hefty bill of his own on hair transplants Credit: Lorna Roach Or, rather, his non reaction. True to form, he said nothing and turned back to the pan bubbling away on the hob. I’d just spent £500 on 2mls of filler as well as Botox, a mere drop in the ocean compared to the £9,000 I’ve spent on tweakments since 2017, the year I turned 40. Yet despite having 40 needles in my face, tens of millilitres of filler in my cheeks and lips, a threadlift, not to mention regular facials, it took Cornel five years to notice that something about me ‘looked different’. And yet I can spot whether a woman has had work done from a mile off. It’s the glazed forehead, the slightly raised brows and the rounded cheeks which are a dead giveaway. Yet so many men rarely notice. It’s what’s called the ‘gender face gap’, a phrase which sums up the premise that the majority of men simply can’t spot if a woman has had Botox, filler, or any other cosmetic procedure for that matter. Research reveals that blokes generally prefer the natural look and find heavily altered faces unattractive. Therefore, subtle procedures often go unnoticed. Tweaks are harder to spot Dr Sabika Karim, award-winning aesthetic doctor and founder of Skin Medical (skinmedical.com) says: “Many of my patients hide their tweaks from their partners, so the treatments have to be precise and nuanced, keeping patients looking like themselves, but ‘fresh’. “So it’s not surprising that many men find these subtle tweaks harder to spot. “I think that the ‘gender face gap’ is in part due to the fact that aesthetics treatments are continually improving and evolving along with scientific advances, too. “This means that, fortunately, common telltale signs of aesthetic tweakments such as so-called ‘trout pouts’ and ‘Spock eyebrows’ are no longer evident. “The advancement and improvement of aesthetics means that in the hands of a qualified and experienced medical practitioner, changes can be subtle and in harmony with your face – so an untrained eye may not be able to identify them.” Cornel is a classic example and my friends share similar stories. They’re forking out hundreds of pounds on filler for collagen-depleted cheeks and Botox for frowns, yet their partners have no clue unless they tell them. While some women choose to keep their routine under wraps because they don’t want their partners to know how much they’re spending, others simply have no desire to reveal their ‘secret’. What’s the point? Back in my thirties, the idea of anyone poking needles in my face seemed appalling. Then I turned 40 and the lines in my forehead which had once disappeared when I stopped moving my face stayed put. Julie before botox Credit: supplied I tried to tell myself to age gracefully – I didn’t want odd-looking brows, the sort women usually get when they’ve had too much Botox. But in July 2017 I found myself sitting opposite a male aesthetician at a clinic in Southampton, discussing how to stop the ageing process in its tracks. I paid £50 for the consultation only to walk out, shocked by the dodgy eyebrows and frozen expressions of his staff and swore I’d never go down the tweakment path myself. For that reason, I didn’t mention it to Cornel. Then a month later and still niggled by those deepening forehead lines, a Google search led me to a reputable GP who did aesthetics. She was an advocate of the natural look, so I paid £250 for my first lot of Botox. Julie had botox for the first time age 40 – and decided to hide it from Cornel Credit: supplied When the results kicked in three days later, Cornel didn’t notice anything different, so I said nothing. On reflection, I didn’t want him to question what I was spending our money on. Within six months, I was having Botox around my crows’ feet as well as my frown line. And, not content with a wrinkle-free face, a year later I decided to spend £250 on filler to plump up my collagen-depleted cheeks, which were now hollowing with age. “I’ll never ever have lip filler,” I told a girlfriend. “It’s so tacky.” A year later, I changed my mind. I disliked my thinning lips, so paid for filler. It stung. A lot. But the results were amazing. But all the while, I kept the procedures a secret from my husband of 17 years. Cornel was completely oblivious anyway, though a part of me was disappointed my fresh new look wasn’t worthy of a compliment. Every three months and while Cornel was working and our two children, now 18 and 12, were at school, I’d sneak off for my treatments. Other times I’d claim I was at the dentist. By then my appointments had become something I just didn’t talk about. Julie began sneaking off for regular botox and filler appointments Credit: supplied In January 2022, I paid £2,800 for a thread lift. It involves gently pushing thin threads under the skin and pulling them tight at the ears to achieve a ‘snatched’ jawline. It can be painful, so I had a local anaesthetic and when I came home I looked like I’d been attacked by a swarm of bees. For the first time in five years, Cornel looked at me, puzzled. “I had Botox for my masseter muscles, to stop teeth grinding,” I lied, inferring I would only ever have Botox for medical reasons. “You look very sore,” he said, taking my explanation as the truth. It was then, as I crept upstairs to apply ice to my face to help reduce the swelling, that I asked myself why I was keeping my procedures from him. What was I ashamed of? Tens of thousands of women have Botox and filler every day, so why didn’t I want my husband to know? Maybe I was nervous that he’d say our money could be better spent on the mortgage. I’m not alone. “Mine would be appalled if he knew I had filler in my lips,” a friend told me, despite explaining how her partner had never spotted the difference between her old and new lips. Another tells her unsuspecting hubby that her Botox only costs £50 a time, when she’s paying in the region of £250. It was around four years ago when I got home from one of my quarterly Botox appointments that the penny dropped for Cornel. Usually, I’d dab a little concealer on the needle marks before the drive home from the clinic, but today I’d skipped it. “Have you fallen in a thorn bush?” he asked, before I went on to confess the whole tweakment truth. “You did always look very… fresh,” he said, examining my face. “But if it makes you feel better, it’s fine.” Now, aged 48, I’m completely open about my treatments. After 5 years of secrecy, Julie is finally open and honest about her treatments Credit: Lorna Roach Even our kids are aware. My son is non-plussed and my daughter just accepts it. I don’t believe I look like I’ve gone OTT on the filler, and I don’t look ‘frozen’ either. Perhaps that’s why it took Cornel so long to notice. But the gender face gap is real and it’s happening in homes across the country. Switch on, men. Cornel says: “I genuinely didn’t notice Julie was having tweakments. I just thought she was really careful with applying suncream and was ageing well. “When she finally told me, I wasn’t annoyed. I’ve since spent almost as much on hair transplants.”