I spent a very raunchy night with my best friend’s pal on girls’ weekend – should I split up with my fiance?

DEAR DEIDRE: A GIRLS’ weekend away has left me wondering if I should split up with my fiance after I had sex with one of the other women. My best friend is getting married this summer so we organised a couple of days away with her closest friends. There were ten of us in total — three were from the beauty salon she manages and were new to the rest of us. We went for some really nice meals out, visited great cocktail bars and enjoyed a cycling tour. I’ve been working long hours lately so I really appreciated the opportunity to unwind. I particularly hit it off with one of my best friend’s work pals. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial As we danced the first night away, I found myself imagining what it would be like to kiss her. She was very flirty and when she whispered in my ear that she liked girls, I felt a rush of blood which took me completely by surprise. I was floored. How had this woman who I’d only just met tempted me so quickly? Before I knew it, she was leading me outside and kissing me. We snuck off back to our apartment and had a lot of fun in the shower together. On the second night she came into my bedroom and we spent a very raunchy night together. None of the others realised what had been going on, my best friend included. On the surface, life has returned to normal but the problem is, my head is back with her all the time. My fiance is oblivious to the seismic shift that has happened in my head and our relationship. I’m still in contact with the other woman and we have been talking about meeting up, but my head is a mess. I should be thinking about wedding venues, not planning secret sex sessions with my lesbian lover. DEIDRE SAYS: You are struggling to adjust to your same-sex attraction. To reassure you, it is entirely normal for people’s sexuality to fluctuate. Contact switchboard.lgbt (0300 330 0630) to talk to someone who understands your experience here. Please don’t plough on with your wedding plans or arrange to meet this woman again until you have decided what your next steps are. Realistically, it doesn’t matter whether you have strayed with a man or a woman – the main issue is that you have cheated, which suggests there may be issues in your relationship that you must address. Do talk to a relationship counsellor to help you unravel this before you make a bigger mistake. Tavistockrelationships.org can put you in touch with a reputable therapist. ONLINE GUY ONLY WANTS HER MONEY DEAR DEIDRE: MY sister is being scammed and I’m so stressed and angry about it. She is 41 and I’m 39. She has always had a bit of a history of being taken advantage of by men, but her latest “boyfriend” is on another level. She hasn’t even met him in real-life but he must have fleeced her out of more than £20,000, if I was to have a conservative guess. The first issue emerged around four years ago when I visited her to find her then ten-year-old son sleeping on the sofa. There was a leak in his bedroom ceiling but she couldn’t afford to fix it. Though she is a single mum, my sister earns decent money so I couldn’t understand what the problem was. In the end, I paid for the roof to be mended. Then I realised all my sister’s money was going to her boyfriend, but she seems blind to what’s going on. Over the years the stories have kept coming. My sister has one son and her boyfriend, who I’ve only ever seen on a video call, has three. He lives in Spain and apparently his ex “is crazy” and keeps taking their children to Ghana, where she is from. My sister is completely taken in by him and believes every word he says. He constantly asks for handouts, telling her he desperately needs to pay this private investigator, that judge, or law enforcement agency just to stay in contact with his children. But it’s all complete nonsense. I’ve tried to get her to see the truth but she tells me to stop interfering and insists I don’t understand. I’m pretty sure she has never met him in person, but he keeps her hanging by saying he knows “she’s The One”. We are both due to inherit around £100,000 from our late parents’ estate and I’m so worried this man is going to swindle her out of the lot. Is there any way I can protect her? How do I get through to her? DEIDRE SAYS: Scammers tend to stick around until the supply of money runs out and if your suspicions are correct, he’ll be waiting for your sister’s big windfall. If she won’t listen to your worries, it might be best to present her with the facts and financial reality. Explain you’re worried she won’t have a roof over her head and you want to ensure her inheritance sets both her and her son up for life. See if by focusing on financial security, you can help put some careful guardrails in place. Arrange a time to go on to moneyhelper.org.uk with her. It has lots of free guidance about managing finances and debts. FAMILY FORUM DEAR DEIDRE: MY brother and his family only contact me when they want money. I’m a man of 53 and the realisation hit me like a train last week when I was reading over messages. There were reams of requests for £100 here, a short-term loan there. A quick scan over the texts highlighted that they only ever want financial help. I have one brother, who is three years younger than me and has never done a day’s work in his life. He is the worst for asking for handouts and his two daughters are also getting in on the act now. My brother and I have never been that close. Still, I see him regularly at our parents’ home and invariably there is some story going on that means he needs cash. He always promises he’ll repay me and sometimes I get some back, but over the years I’ve lent him and his daughters close to £9,000 and been repaid around half. Looking back I’ve readily offered to help them, even before they have asked. I suppose I enjoyed the feeling of being able to do it. And they were always very appreciative. But now I’ve spotted the pattern, I really don’t want to continue dishing out money. I’d like to feel like a valued member of the family and not just for my finances. How do I tell them this without causing huge offence or being shunned? DEIDRE SAYS: It’s completely understandable that you feel hurt having realised the people you love are taking advantage of your generosity. You don’t need to explain why you have decided to stop lending them money. If pushed, you can simply explain you are not in a position to lend any more. They will soon get the message if you are consistent in this. If one of them gets in touch to ask for more cash, you could say that while you can’t help with funds, you realise you haven’t seen them for ages and ask how they are. If they ignore the question, it shows that money is their reason for contacting you. To take the emphasis away from these unrewarding relationships, make sure you are regularly mixing with your friends and other relatives who value you, not what you have in your bank. NERVOUS TO SEE MY DAUGHTER’S FATHER DEAR DEIDRE: JUST the thought of seeing my abusive ex at my daughter’s forthcoming wedding is bringing me out in hives. We were together for 15years and, although he never hit me, he would intimidate and belittle me. He constantly cheated and said it was because I was “crap in the bedroom and the kitchen”. When he left me, it was a relief. Now our 27-year-old daughter is getting married and I’m nervous about seeing him. I have emailed his work account asking if we can be civil on our daughter’s big day. The only response I got from him was “stop sending ridiculous emails”. We are in our sixties. How can I get myself in the right frame of mind when he won’t answer messages? DEIDRE SAYS: You do not need his permission or acknowledgement to enjoy the wedding. Sadly, he is not mature enough to put his daughter first. You can simply ask to be seated away from him and surround yourself with your friends and family. Ask one or two trusted people to look out for you and make sure you are not left alone near him. I PREFER UNSHAVEN WOMEN DEAR DEIDRE: THE last three women I’ve dated all broke up with me, and I’m convinced it was because I asked them to stop shaving. I’m 34, and I’ve got a bit of a thing for hairy armpits, legs and a natural bikini line. But when I asked these women to let their hair grow they reacted with disgust. All the ladies I see out and about seem to prefer the groomed look. The last woman I dated would sometimes let her legs go a bit stubbly, and when I told her I would prefer it if she didn’t bother shaving, she seemed ­genuinely shocked. DEIDRE SAYS: There is nothing wrong with preferring an unshaven look and there is a growing body positivity movement for those who like hair growth. For them, comfort and appreciating the natural form is more important than conforming to societal expectations. As long as you’re not forcing your opinions on anyone else, there is absolutely nothing to be concerned about. In time you’ll meet someone with similar views to your own.