I slept with my husband’s best friend but now I’m pregnant with his baby – jealousy is consuming him

I SLEPT with my husband’s best friend — with my spouse’s blessing — but now I’m pregnant with his pal’s baby. I’m 35, my husband is 38, and we’ve been married for nine years. We’re happy and have always had a very adventurous sex life. Last summer we were on holiday with his best friend, when we started joking about whether we could ever bring someone else into our relationship. A few drinks later, the conversation became more serious, and his friend admitted he was interested. In the heat of the moment, we decided to give it a try and were all surprised by how much we liked it. Initially I was worried about what it would do to our relationship, but surprisingly it actually brought my husband and I even closer. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial We trusted each other completely, and, after a while, his friend and I started seeing each other separately too. It continued for a couple of months, and we were all happy with the arrangement. Then I found out I was pregnant. My husband has already had a vasectomy, so there was no question about whose baby it is. Telling my husband was terrifying, but after the initial shock, he told me he wanted to be there for me and raise the baby together. I was so relieved — and then I broke the news to his best friend. He was thrilled about the pregnancy at first, but that quickly gave way to jealousy. Now he doesn’t want me sleeping with my husband while I’m expecting, and says knowing we’re still intimate is consuming him. The last thing I want to do is upset him, but I don’t think it’s fair to put my relationship with my husband on hold because of his feelings. Where do I go from here? DEIDRE SAYS: It is understandable that your friend is struggling with jealousy, particularly now he knows he is going to be a father. Give him space to talk honestly about his feelings and what role he wants to have in the baby’s life. But he also needs to understand that your husband is your partner and he cannot dictate what happens in your marriage. You and your husband need to agree on your boundaries and decide together what feels right for your relationship. My support pack, Unplanned Preg­nancy?, can help guide you through the emotional and practical decisions ahead and show you where to find support. HIS ANNUAL BUSINESS TRIPS MAKE ME ANXIOUS DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband’s annual work trip is already causing rows and he hasn’t even packed his suitcase yet. I’m 38 and he’s 40. We’ve been married for 11 years and, normally, we’re really happy together. Once a year, his job takes him away for a week, and I absolutely dread it. I know he has to go, but being apart from him makes me incredibly anxious. As soon as he broke the news, my stomach dropped. I asked if he really had to go, and he accused me of starting the same argument we have every year. I told him I hate being left alone and that he always seems so excited about getting away from me. He couldn’t understand why I was making such a big deal of it and said I was overreacting. We’ve barely spoken since, and the atmosphere at home has been awful. I know I can’t stop him going, but I can’t handle the anxiety that comes with it. DEIDRE SAYS: It’s understandable to feel anxious when your husband is away but if it’s causing the same rows every year, it is important to look at what’s behind those feelings. Talk about what you need to feel more secure rather than trying to stop him going. Agree how you will keep in touch while he is away and make your own plans for the week. Couples counselling through Relate (relate.org.uk) could help you work on the trust in your relationship. My support pack, Dealing With Jealousy, also offers advice. AGED 54 AND NO ONE WILL HIRE ME DEAR DEIDRE: NO matter how hard I try, getting back into work has become impossible. I’m a 54-year-old man, and I was made redundant from my job as a warehouse supervisor three years ago after the company closed. As I have years of experience, I thought I would find something else fairly fast. But I have applied for hundreds of jobs, from warehouse work and delivery driving to supermarket shifts and admin roles. At this point I would take almost anything, but I’m lucky if I even get an interview. Even when I do make it further in the process, I’m often told they’ve gone with someone else. A couple of recruiters have even hinted that employers are looking for younger candidates. I’ve tried everything, from rewriting my CV to signing up with agencies and spending hours filling in applications, but nothing seems to pay off. The longer this goes on, the more embarrassed and useless I feel. DEIDRE SAYS: Constant rejections can leave you questioning yourself but keep applying for roles. Constant rejections can leave you questioning yourself but keep applying for roles. Online applications are an important part of getting a job but so is meeting employers and making contacts in person. Try all methods to get noticed. My support pack, Help For Job Seekers, has useful tips to aid you. Rest Less (restless.co.uk) also offers people over 50 advice on this. EX MAKES BEING A DAD SO HARD DEAR DEIDRE: GETTING away from my turbulent relationship felt like a huge relief but now our unborn baby has tied us together for life. I’m 31 and my ex is 29. We were together for two years and things were great at first. But over time, her mental health became difficult to manage. She has depression and bipolar disorder, and there were periods when it all seemed to spiral. She would disappear for days, stop answering anyone’s calls and get herself into situations that left her family frantic. Once she quit her job on the spot after a row with her manager, then spent weeks refusing to leave the house because she was convinced everyone hated her. I tried to support her, but eventually I couldn’t cope with the constant ups and downs and ended the relationship. A few weeks later, she told me she was pregnant. It was a huge shock, but I knew straight away that I wanted to be there for my child. The problem is that we are already arguing about how things will work once he arrives. She changes her mind constantly about when I can see him and says if I don’t follow her rules, she will make sure I have barely any contact. DEIDRE SAYS: Ending a turbulent relation­ship shouldn’t mean forfeiting the right to being present in your child’s life. Keep communication with your ex calm and focused on your baby rather than your past. Try to put clear arrangements for contact in writing and consider mediation if you cannot agree. You can arrange this through National Family Mediation at nfm.org.uk (0300 4000 636). You can find further support through Both Parents Matter (bothparentsmatter.org.uk, 0300 0300 363), who can offer advice on your rights.