‘I Signed Up for a Marathon at the Worst Possible Time—And It Was the Best Decision I Made’

Women's Health may earn commission from the links on this page, but we only feature products we believe in. Why Trust Us?Lauren Kanski7 min readI wasn’t planning on running a marathon this year, let alone the New York City Marathon. Between its notoriously hilly course, relentless bridges, and the logistics of traveling across the country from my home in Colorado, NYC wasn’t exactly the easiest to take on. I’m also a busy mama to a 3½-year-old and 2-year-old, I work full time (I am the founding coach of the Ladder app and coach Team Body and Bell), and I had sinus surgery about six months ago. A marathon definitely wasn’t on my bingo card among the trenches of motherhood—but it happened.After a really healthy and injury-free training block, I made it to the starting line. It was time for me to have my redemptive victory, but instead, I rolled up with the flu. At the time, I had no idea, and I chalked up how lousy I was feeling to the exhaustion of traveling with two little kids, lack of sleep, and all the chaos that comes with it. It wasn’t until I got home and was diagnosed that I realized what I’d actually been dealing with on race day. From the starting line, I found myself self-loathing and robbed of the marathon experience I’d worked so hard for.But little did I know, the setbacks and imperfections of race day and training were actually going to allow me to experience the marathon even more than if I had been chasing a pace and finish time.Choosing My Own HardBetween two pregnancies and postpartum periods, a C-section, and other unplanned health setbacks, it had been a difficult few years. I felt constantly defeated. Even as someone who works in fitness, I felt like I hadn’t done much to take care of myself in quite some time.When the marathon opportunity presented itself, there was something almost rebellious about being able to choose my own hard in spite of the daily challenges that were out of my control as a mom.As I was flooded with mom guilt, I kept asking myself: When will it be a good time to do this? When is it a good time to do anything for yourself as a mom? The answer was a resounding never. So I decided to rip off the bandaid, find a bib (thank you, Gatorade!), and fully commit to a three-month training block with a coach. (I hired a Body and Bell member who had actually trained with me since the start of the app. She is a seven-time NYC Marathoner and the most passionate running coach I know. Check her out on Instagram: @lindaleighlore.)My life did not stop during this time. Work was more demanding than ever. We went on two family vacations. The kids got me sick multiple times. The training conditions were never perfect—but I did manage to get the mileage in. I reminded myself of something I say as a coach all the time: “It doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to be done.”A Different Kind of StrongLet me preface something important as someone who works in fitness: endurance training was very new to me. I am a speed, power, and strength girlie at heart. The three-hour-plus long runs, pounding the pavement and moving slower, was very mentally unstimulating and out of my comfort zone.But this new sport allowed me to enter a headspace I had never experienced before. There was something so recharging about being able to leave the house, put my phone in my pocket, and be in my own thoughts that healed me in ways I didn’t know I needed to be healed. Training did not only provide a break from the kids, but it also gave me a space to allow me to become more available for them.“There was something almost rebellious about being able to choose my own hard in spite of the daily challenges that were out of my control as a mom.”In the fitness world, running and strength training are often viewed as two completely different styles of training. We have strength versus cardio zealots. But what more people need to understand is how much they thrive together.The aerobic engine I was building with running gave me more cardio capacity for my lifts (lifting heavier felt smoother than it ever had) and all the muscle I had gained over the years made me an extremely strong and resilient runner (I recovered so well in between runs).I felt structurally and aerobically unstoppable.The Marathon I Never Saw ComingWhen I got to the start line, I knew something was off. I grew up as an athlete and knew what to expect with the competition nerves—but this was different. I was coughing, had a sore throat, and a raging headache. I kept telling myself it would all go away once I started moving. And for a while, it did. But around mile six, somewhere deep in Brooklyn, the symptoms came back with a vengeance, along with full-body chills.It was way too early to be “bonking” in a marathon, and I was confused and simply annoyed. I tried to stay toward the middle of the street, away from the crowds. I purposely didn’t wear headphones to take in the crowd’s energy, yet there I was, trying to hide from it.I crossed the Queensboro Bridge into Manhattan, where I knew my family was waiting for me at mile 17. I was so excited to see them, but I was also dragging so badly by this point, and I needed to take a quick break. I quickly took some medicine, gave some hugs, and kept trekking on.I knew the only way out was through. I focused on one mile at a time, kept taking my gel, and tried to stay positive. Thankfully, that's the beautiful thing about a major marathon: There are reasons all around you to keep pushing. Everywhere I turned, I saw people of all ages, backgrounds, and abilities, with their own reasons for being out there. It was impossible not to feel inspired—or reminded that I was part of something so much bigger than my own race.It wasn’t until mile 22, shockingly on the Fifth Avenue climb to Central Park, where I had a breakthrough that felt supernatural—a combo of adrenaline and gratitude for what my body was doing. I was able to see my family one last time and then finish the race strong.I was expecting to cross the finish line feeling so victorious, maybe even relieved that it was over. But I felt kind of disappointed. Not because of how I’d performed, but because this thing I’d spent months training for, thinking about, and looking forward to was suddenly over.The Least Interesting Thing About a Marathon Is Your Finish TimeSo let me be the first to tell you that what you get out of a marathon has very little to do with how fast you finish. And that's not to take anything away from people who work incredibly hard to get faster and faster in this sport. That's amazing! But the marathon is the great equalizer, and here's what I mean.The marathon is hard for everyone. It doesn’t matter how fast you run it or whether it’s your first marathon or your 10th. There's a camaraderie that develops on the course because everyone is going through something so taxing together. You're all hurting, you're all pushing through, and your pace doesn't change that.Plus, no two marathons are the same: different climates, crowds, elevations, and race-day challenges (like getting sick!). Your finish time cannot possibly capture everything you experienced out there. And it certainly doesn't always reflect the months of hard work you put into training or what you're actually capable of.Then there's the sheer physical demand of the distance. A marathon requires so much time on your feet. You have to have a fueling strategy (salt…hydration…carbs…). No matter your pace, 26.2 miles is going to take it all out of you.But maybe the most incredible part is that everyone out there is running for a different reason. You will see people out there of all ages, with limb differences, on wheels, with vision impairments, pregnant, pausing mid-race to breastfeed, after a weight-loss transformation. You name it. Everyone has a story, which makes the marathon one of the most inspiring environments you get to run in.Lauren’s Race Day Gear EssentialsThe Right Time Is When You DecideMy point with all of this: If you wait until you feel ready, you’ll be waiting forever.If you want to get better at running, dabble in a 5K or 10K, or even a half-marathon. But if you want to learn who you really are deep within your core, sign up for the marathon. There's something about those 26.2 miles that shows you a side of yourself you might never have met otherwise. But you have to surrender to every mile and let the race have its way with you to truly transform.And if you’re a busy mama like me—debating if you can, debating if it’s fair to the kids, debating if it’s the right time—there is no right time. There will always be a sick kid, a work deadline, a setback, a reason to wait. You aren’t promised to show up to the start line feeling your best.Do it anyway.Not because you have anything to prove. You get through bedtime every night without a crowd cheering you on or a medal waiting at the finish line. You're already doing hard things every single day. But sometimes you need to choose something hard just for you to remember what you're capable of.And maybe the best part isn't even what you discover about yourself along the way. It's that your kids get to grow up watching their mom go after something she wants, even when the timing isn't perfect, even when it's hard, and even when it would be so much easier not to.Lauren Kanski, CPT, is a member of the Women’s Health advisory board, a NASM-certified personal trainer, and a kettlebell and strength training specialist. She is the founding coach of the Ladder fitness app, where she leads Team Body and Bell, a strength training program focused on building muscle, power, and confidence. She lives in Colorado with her husband and two little ones.