I only sleep with married men as they can’t break my heart – but I want to kick the habit

DEAR DEIDRE: SEX with married men hits the spot for me but I’ve come to realise that I’m no worse than my cheating ex. He hurt me so much. I caught a girl going into our flat on the camera doorbell. I heard him suggesting they “go upstairs for some fun”. This happened while I was away at a school-friend’s wedding. She looked about 18 to 20 and he’s 33. I’m a woman of 29. I confronted him and he didn’t deny it. Sign up for the Dear Deidre newsletter Thank you! He packed up his belongings in my flat and left. I was heartbroken, though. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial Since then I’ve had several flings and all of them have been with married men. They attract me because I only want the sex and so do they. I can’t take any more heartbreak. I go out with friends, meet somebody and check their relationship status. Last weekend I was out for a friend’s engagement party. I started drinking heavily and I woke up in a guy’s bed at daylight. I thought to myself, “Oh no! I’ve done it again”. I even had to ask his name in the morning. I’m so ashamed. Only the week before, I’d bedded somebody I met on the station platform. He said he was 37 and married. I fancied him from the start. We talked all the way home and when we arrived at my station, he suggested he come back to my place for “a coffee”. We both knew what we were signing up for and he didn’t disappoint until immediately after sex, when I started to feel bad. I’ve even had sex with two married colleagues which I know was totally wrong. One of them is 40 and makes a big show of being committed to his wife and kids. That’s music to my ears because I know I’m safe from it getting serious. I know I can’t go on like this though. How can I kick the habit? DEIDRE SAYS: Having sex with strangers is putting you at risk of harm, never mind catching an STI. Nearly everybody goes through heartbreak at some time. Sleeping around isn’t numbing the pain. You’re losing your values and confidence. To break the habit, you have to ride the storm. Go cold turkey. Be single for a while. You can still have fun. Plan nights out, but vow that you will be home by midnight for instance, and stick to it. You’ll feel better about it the following day when you don’t have a heavy head and a stranger lying next to you. My support pack called Moving On will show you exactly where to find emotional support. PARTNER AND SON AT WAR DEAR DEIDRE: MY son and my partner butt heads all the time but it’s so much worse now they’re working together. My son is 17 and he wants to be an electrician and my partner works for a big electrical company. After persuasion from me, my partner got him an apprenticeship with his company but they were placed together. They argue all the time. My partner says that customers are noticing but my son is a typical stroppy teenager who thinks he knows it all. We went on holiday and my son shadowed another guy and told me he’d learnt more in a fortnight than he’d learnt in six months with my partner. I’ve asked my partner to talk to management about moving him but he says no, it’s too embarrassing. DEIDRE SAYS: If they argued before this, expecting them to work together was a step too far. Talk to your partner at a time when he’s not fraught after another bad day with your son. Tell him you’re worried about the stress between them both. Suggest again that he swallows his pride and tells management that your son would respond better, and be of more value to the company, if he worked alongside somebody else. You can also get support regarding your blended family dynamics through coramfamilylives.org.uk (0808 800 2222), where you can talk about children of any age – even adults. HE’S A BAD BOY BUT I WANT HIM DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE always loved a bad boy and the latest guy I’ve been seeing has got a really high body count. He’s admitted bedding 60 women – I bet it’s higher. We shared a drunken kiss some months ago but that was all. I’m 21 and was out with some friends at the weekend and he joined our group. He’s 31 and he made his way over to me and was very flirty as the night went on. We went back to his place for sex but I know another woman is having his baby. I asked him about it and said, “It is definitely yours?” and he said it was. He’s great in bed and I really like him. Is it worth trying to develop this relationship, or will his new status as a dad mess things up for us anyway? DEIDRE SAYS: Becoming a father need not spell disaster for a relationship but if this is his child, it deserves two loving parents. He’ll have a financial responsibility towards the baby and in an ideal world, an emotional one too. Are you prepared to take on a ready-made family? This guy has a reputation because he can’t commit to one relationship. What makes you think that he’ll change his ways for you? It would be awful if you got hurt, so tread carefully and don’t have sex with him again until you trust him and know you’re not going to be ghosted afterwards. GIRLFRIEND HAD A THREESOME IN COUPLE’S TENT DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN we were on holiday, I caught my girlfriend having a threesome with another couple in the tent next to ours. She doesn’t know I saw her. We were in Benidorm when I’d just been told I’d got a job that I wanted after being in an awful job for over a year. We didn’t have a lot of money when we booked the trip, so camping seemed the obvious answer. The first few days were great fun. When I got the phone call, we went to the clubhouse to celebrate and they had a band on. There was a bar that was so cheap they were almost giving the booze away. We got chatting to the couple sitting on the next table and realised our tents were next to one another. After lots to drink, I said I was going to bed and I left my girlfriend with this couple. I woke in the night and realised she wasn’t next to me. I stood outside for a moment, looking towards the clubhouse but that was in darkness. Then I heard noises in the tent next to us. The zip wasn’t fully closed so I subtly moved it to one side and there was my girlfriend, pleasuring the guy, as was his wife. I was traumatised. I haven’t said anything but my girlfriend knows something is wrong. We are both 26. What should I do? DEIDRE SAYS: If you keep this bottled up, it will fester, making you just feel more and more miserable. Find a calm and quiet moment to tell your girlfriend you saw them and see what she has to say. If she’s full of remorse and you’re willing to put this behind you, then my support pack Cheating, Can You Get Over It? will show you how to handle things now. If she knew full well what she was doing and she feels no guilt, then hold your head high and tell her that it’s over. Comment now