I Need to Stop My Husband’s Ex From Causing a Scene at the School Play. She’s Done It Before.

Care and Feeding Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by SB Arts Media/iStock/Getty Images Plus. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, My husband “Mark” has a 6-year-old daughter, “April,” from his previous marriage. Mark’s relationship with his ex, “Kirsty,” can be described as volatile to say the least. April’s kindergarten class is putting on a play in less than three weeks,, and I am concerned that Kirsty will try to make a scene in front of the other parents and the kids. This isn’t catastrophizing on my part; she’s done it before. She caused chaos during April’s preschool graduation. While all the parents were assembled to see the kids receive their diplomas, Kirsty began talking loudly to her then-boyfriend about how much better he was in bed than Mark and flinging insults at him. The other parents were thoroughly offended, the kids became upset, and the school staff ejected her. She responded by throwing a screaming fit and threatening a lawsuit. April was left in tears. What should we do to prevent a repeat? —Dreading Mama Drama Dear Dreading Drama, Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do to prevent someone who is this much of an ass from acting like an ass. Yes, there is a world in which I would suggest reaching out to Kirsty ahead of time and trying to broker a peace treaty for the day of the play, but someone who would talk about her sex life in the earshot of children cannot be reasoned with, don’t waste your time. What you can do is avoid her as much as possible. Before my co-parenting situation was amicable, when my daughter had a school event, her dad and his folks sat on one side of the room and my team sat on the other. Perhaps you can get there early, mark off a couple of seats in your desired location (I like to use my coat) and then hang in the back of the room or even the parking lot watching to see where April’s mom sits. Keep a close eye on her and do your best to dodge interaction. If she finds you and stars foolin’, bid her a good evening and walk away. It’s hard, but I’ve learned not to be embarrassed by the actions of people who are not in my inner circle. It sucks for Mark and April and you, but Kirsty is not your monkey and this is not your circus. If April observes her mother’s petulant behavior, you and your husband should talk to her about how that makes her feel and make it clear that her mother’s actions are not a reflection of anyone but herself. —Jamilah More Parenting Advice From Slate My 15-year-old daughter does exceptionally well in school, where she has many friends and is involved in extracurricular activities. However, outside of school and organized events in our community, she rarely spends time with friends. She prefers her own company, playing musical instruments, being at home with her dog and her family. When I ask if she wants to invite friends over or make plans to go shopping or to the movies with them, she says no. She identifies herself as an introvert; she is very articulate and will indicate that her social gas tank is empty and she needs to recharge. While she says she enjoys the silence and her own company, I worry that she is missing opportunities. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Kids