I Let My Nephew Live in My Torn-Up Rental Property. Now I’m Really in a Pickle.

Pay Dirt Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by flyzone/Getty Images Plus. Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!) Dear Pay Dirt, My wife and I own several rental houses, including one I bought earlier this year that had water damage and so has been a total “gut job.” My wife and I have full-time jobs, so this is more of a weekend project, and it takes a while for us to complete the work. A few months ago our area had severe flooding and my nephew and his wife were displaced from their house they were renting. My nephew called and asked if I had anything available, and I said “no,” as all of our rentable properties were filled. Then my brother called and said if he was in my position and a family member needed a place to live, he would kick out a current tenant to give the family member a place to live. Easy for him to say! I wouldn’t kick out a good tenant unless I needed a place for myself. But things were getting desperate for my nephew and his wife, as my brother and his wife live in 55+ housing, so they couldn’t move in with them. So I agreed to let them live at my torn-up house for a month while they figured out their housing situation. Because the house wasn’t actually “rentable,” we had no housing agreement or contract. Three months later, they were still there. Multiple times, I asked when they were moving out, because the house isn’t really in livable condition: They were living in the basement with no egress window; the only working sink is the laundry tub; there’s just a a shower hooked up with washing machine hoses positioned over the floor drain; and there are extension cords running from one of the two outlets in the basement to a refrigerator, microwave ,and power strips for their TV, computer, and chargers. The upstairs wiring has been removed and a contractor string light is the only electricity upstairs. I reinstalled the toilet in the bathroom on the bare floorboards. Plus I needed to get, at a minimum, the walls insulated and sheetrocked before cold weather comes in two months, so I really needed them out. They were not paying any rent (I didn’t expect them to) nor utilities (which would have been nice if they offered). They are “still looking,” is the answer I got. So finally last week I called code inspection and told them I had squatters living in a house I am working on and that the house is unsafe to live in. They showed up along with law enforcement. The inspector “white tagged” the house as unsafe, and normally the tenants have three days to get out. But the police told my nephew and his wife that they were trespassing and had two hours to get their stuff out or be charged with trespassing. My brother is pissed, my mom won’t speak to me, and I have gotten an earful from my other siblings (who don’t live in the area) about “how could I kick a family member out and now they will “be living on the streets in their car.” I am attuned to the rental market, so I know that housing is available. It may not be in the area they want to live in or more than they want to pay, but it is available. And they are not “on the streets.” They are currently in a long-term stay motel. Plus after three months of no housing expenses, they should have some money saved up. How do I respond to them? The house was unsafe to live in. Plus, how does one month turn into three, and I am supposed to be OK with that? —Good Deed Gone Bad (For Me) Dear Good Deed, I understand why everyone is upset with you. This situation started out as a loving uncle doing a good deed for a nephew having financial difficulties. But it went bad as soon as you called the authorities and told them there were squatters in the house. Your nephew and his wife weren’t squatting. They were living there at your invitation! But, you could have handled this in so many other ways: You could have provided them with a written agreement that had a firm move-out date before they moved in. You could have given your parents and siblings a heads up that you were concerned for your nephew’s safety and needed their help to get the message across. If you knew the rental market had options that would work, you could have helped them find a place to live. Instead, you took the most shocking and severe action possible. And, while you say you were thinking of their health and welfare, you’ve justified your actions by saying “they’re not on the street” and “they should have some money saved up.” It’s true that your nephew and his wife overstayed their welcome in a house that admittedly isn’t livable and has some seriously unsafe living conditions. It’s possible they really did have nowhere else to go. Or, couldn’t figure it out. Either way, this became your problem when they moved in. (Also: In many states, the moment your nephew and his wife moved in, you functionally acquired a tenant who was on a month-to-month lease, who you couldn’t simply ask to leave.) While I agree everyone could be more appreciative of what you did for this young couple initially, calling the authorities means that goodwill is erased, and the next move is yours. If you want to repair relationships, you need to own your ham-handed move and apologize. Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don‘t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication. Dear Pay Dirt, Some new neighbors moved into the house next to us less than three months ago, and they are TROUBLE. The wife lets their dogs run loose in the neighborhood (there have been multiple close calls with drivers and they shit everywhere). Even worse is the husband’s favorite pastime of getting reeling drunk in his backyard and engaging in obscenity-filled rants about everything wrong with his life. My husband and I have two kids under 5, and I’m getting fed up with having to hustle them indoors because my neighbor is shouting at length about how his wife smells. The one time we went over to ask them to keep the dogs and the foul language contained resulted in getting cursed out and the door slammed in our faces. What are our options? —Nightmare Neighbors Dear Nightmare Neighbors, Unfortunately, you can’t control who your neighbors are, or how much they drink and curse. What you can do is start videotaping dogs on the loose, or writing down when you see them roaming with a time and date stamp. Then, call your local animal control or police department and complain. Roaming dogs unaccompanied are an accident waiting to happen, one with potentially serious consequences. The drunken ranting is a harder problem to solve, because your neighbor has the right to drink what he wants and say what he wants. Still, you might want to check out the local noise ordinance and start logging every incident with the date, time and duration of the rant. Most cities have specific decibel limits and shouting at length outdoors might violate them. In any case, you can call your local municipality’s non-emergency police number and report it every time. If he stops yelling about his own life and starts yelling about you or your children, and if the yelling turns at all threatening, you should certainly talk with your local police and see if they’d be willing to have a chat with him. If you live in a community with a homeowners association, there might be some redress available as well. In any case, you and your family should stay away. Knocking on his door won’t help and might cause a serious escalation. Other than that, all you can do is hope he quiets down. If he doesn’t, and the police aren’t helpful, you might have to consider the last resort: moving. —Ilyce Classic Prudie While I was pregnant, my husband had an affair with a co-worker, “Missy.” There was a child. I found out the truth when our son was 2 after serious money went missing out of our accounts. My husband begged to me forgive him, and I struggled to, but the reality was, I was a stay-at-home mom and would be in poverty if I left. Missy figured out very quickly that the secret was out and mistook my civility for sincere friendship. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Personal Finance Relationships