I Know How Kids Hang Out These Days. My Son Wants to Join. I Say He Needs to Suck It Up.

Care and Feeding Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by uzhursky/iStock/Getty Images Plus. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, My son will soon start 5th grade. He wants a phone. We are not getting him a phone. He has a watch for us to track and communicate with him, which seems like enough for his needs. However, some of his friends have phones, and when they hang out they all sit around and watch YouTube on their phones. Should I just tell my son to suck it up when everyone zones out? Advise him to come home if he’s bored? I know that the default now is to sit side-by-side with people and scroll, but he doesn’t need to start now at age 10. —Phone-Phobic Parent Dear Phone-Phobic Parent, You could suggest that he try to get his friends to actually talk or go somewhere or do something together. There’s also nothing stopping your son from simply watching whatever his friends are watching on their phones, if he’s right there next to them—I suppose it’s not all that different from just watching TV together. I understand why you don’t want to get your kid a smartphone. It sucks either way, because yes, phones are terrible, and also if he doesn’t get one eventually he will miss out on lots of conversations (or what passes for them among 10-year-olds who are addicted to their phones) as well as actual social plans. Just know that whenever you do decide to get him a phone, it doesn’t have to mean total surrender—you’ll still have a chance to establish some limits. —Nicole More Parenting Advice From Slate My newly minted 18-year-old daughter informed us last night that she was asked out on a date by a 23-year-old co-worker. She’s a senior in high school who hasn’t really dated due to her school and athletic commitments. He’s finished college and is living on his own. By all accounts, he seems like a nice young person, but we’re going to the restaurant where they work tomorrow night to meet him before he takes her out ice skating. If she’s anything like me (and she is, but way smarter), telling her “no” will result in her seeing him anyway and damaging her relationship with us. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Kids