I Have Saved $5 Million for My Niece and Nephew. Their Parents Are Furious at My Payout Plans.

Pay Dirt Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Daria Kulkova/Getty Images Plus and Mariia Vitkovska/Getty Images Plus. Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!) Dear Pay Dirt, I have a niece, “Desiree,” 24, and a nephew, “Austin,” 27 (my brother’s kids). I never married or had kids, and have been setting aside money for both of them since they were born. I now have a $2.5 million dollar trust fund for each of them. Sadly, they have taken on vastly divergent paths. Desiree is already in grad school, while Austin has dropped out of five different colleges. He lives at home, and his existence consists of playing video games and getting high. I plan on turning Desiree’s over to her when she turns 25 and Austin’s over to him when he is 35 in the hope that the intervening years will see him mature. I recently told my brother and his wife about my decision, and they are angry (his wife especially). They are accusing me of favoritism and demanding I give Austin his trust money now. This has nothing to do with favoritism—Desiree has consistently demonstrated responsibility and good judgement, while money goes through Austin’s fingers like water. What can I do to get them to lay off? —Conduct Matters Dear Conduct Matters, This is a massively generous gift—it’s incredibly aggravating that your brother and his wife are behaving as if this is something you owe them. It sounds like you’ve already explained your decision, but I wonder how they might respond to a reframe. This isn’t a punishment for Austin, it’s more of a way to set him up for success. You could try something like, “I’m a little worried with how I’ve seen him manage money, and I don’t want him to blow through this windfall like many people do when they receive a lump sum. I want to give him time to ensure he’s set up in the best way.” In that time, Austin might mature, like you said, but he might also benefit from some basic financial literacy. You could suggest a literacy course so that he has the tools he needs to manage his inheritance when the time comes. Finally, set some boundaries around the conversation—remind them that this is a gift and not something you owe them. “I love you and I love Austin, but this is my gift and my decision. I want Austin to be secure, and I’m not negotiating the matter any further.” After all, the most “fair” thing you can do for Austin is to ensure he doesn’t inherit a fortune he isn’t prepared to keep. Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don’t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication. Dear Pay Dirt, My neighbors’ indoor-outdoor cat is becoming a nuisance on and around our property, and I could use your help with a script to address. The cat’s owners are neighbors who will say “hello” in passing, but they would be nonplussed at best to find me on their doorstep unannounced. They let the cat wander wherever, whenever. Increasingly over the past few months, that has been on our front lawn, in our backyard, and sprawling on our front stoop literally a foot in front of our front door, alternating between catnaps, hunting squirrels and birds, and challenging our poor dog to staring contests through the window. The cat jumps over at minimum a 6-foot fence to get into our backyard. We can barely open our garage door, because it wanders inside when we do and we have to chase it back out and close the door to keep it from coming back in. If it were up to me, all domestic cats would be indoor-only for their own safety. I get that I can’t expect my values around pet ownership to be shared by every pet owner out there, but this cat is annoying, and my neighbors don’t seem to pay any attention to where it is, let alone recognize that their neighbors might not want the company of their cat. What do I say to get them to keep their cat home and out of our business? —Grumpy Cat Neighbor Dear Grumpy Cat, This is a tricky one. You’re likely stuck with your neighbors for the long haul, so you don’t want to make things awkward, but it sounds like their approach to pet parenting is becoming a problem for everyone else. One way to frame the conversation, whether it’s in person or in a note, is to tell them you’re worried about the cat’s safety. Something like, “Hey, I’ve noticed your cat spends a lot of time on my porch and even sneaking into my garage. I’m a little worried about what it might get into. Just wanted to give you a heads up in case you want to keep a closer eye on it!” This should send them a pretty big message, but if you think something more direct is in order, maybe try something like, “Your cat’s new favorite hangout spot is my garage, and that makes it hard for me to get my car in and out. I’m not sure if you realized how much time your cat spends at my house, but I wanted to see if it’s possible to keep them indoors?” If neither of those seem to move the needle, make your property less appealing to the cat. For example, there are motion-activated air canisters that let out a hiss of air—totally harmless to the cat, but they’re designed to scare them away. You’re not a grumpy neighbor for wanting these cat owners to step up, but consider that they might genuinely not realize their cat is being a nuisance. Give them a polite nudge, and if that doesn’t work, it might be time to cat proof your house. You shouldn’t have to invest a dime to keep this cat out of your house, but it might be a small price to pay to keep the peace. But if this approach fails, it might be time for a more strongly worded letter—with receipts attached. —Kristin More Money Advice From Slate After his furlough five years ago at 55, my brother refused to get health insurance. He could afford it; he simply chose not to—mostly because of an ignorant penny-wise/pound-foolish decision to cut “nonessentials,” but also from an arrogant conception of being “tough.” I told him this was an insanely bad decision and that he was needlessly leaving himself open to catastrophe. I even offered to pay half of it (roughly $1,200 year) if he’d just sign up. I also told him, explicitly, that I would not compromise my own retirement if something terrible did happen. You guessed it: Disaster struck. 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