I Have a 4-Year-Old Nemesis. I Don’t Think I’m Doing a Good Job of Hiding It.

Care and Feeding Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by PIKSEL/iStock/Getty Images Plus. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, I have a close-knit group of friends from when I was in high school, and we have a rotating play date on Saturdays with the three of us and our kids. It’s always pretty chaotic—I have a 6-year old, “Shana” has a 6-year-old and an 8-year-old, and “Beth” has a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old—but it’s a nice tradition. But there’s a problem. I increasingly cannot stand one of Beth’s kids. I have never felt such a strong dislike for a child. “Lori” is 4 and I’d describe her as precocious—very chatty, very up in everyone’s business. She plays with the big kids and they let her. I will say, my son says she’s fine for a little kid. He’s not bothered by her. But I can’t stand her. Every request for a juice box or demand for a different toy just absolutely grates on me. She’s constantly tattling on the other kids. I find myself having to do deep breathing when she’s around. I am pretty sure Beth can tell that I don’t like Lori. Should I confess? Should I make up a reason why it’s hard to be around her? (Maybe say she reminds me of my sister? Come to think of it, maybe she does remind me of my sister. But my sister is less annoying!) I don’t think Lori can tell that I don’t like her, but maybe I’m wrong about that. It feels bad to hate a kid, but I really hate this kid. —Not a Nice Lady Dear Not a Nice Lady, You haven’t shared a single thing that justifies your bizarre hatred of this child. Sure, kids can be annoying sometimes, but I cannot imagine why you, an adult, would waste so much time and energy actively hating a little girl for being “chatty.” You admit that your son and the other kids don’t seem to have an issue with her. This sounds like a problem you have created for yourself. I absolutely do not think you should “confess” to Beth that you harbor an unreasonable dislike of her daughter. Why ever would you burden her with that? And what is she supposed to do about it? (The sister excuse is really no excuse at all—what kind of adult can’t separate their annoying sister feelings from their feelings about a totally unrelated child, at least enough to not punish the child?) Telling Beth how you feel about her kid will only hurt her, make you sound petty, and threaten your friendship. During playdates, try to focus on hanging out with, you know, your grown-up friends, and work on caring a whole lot less about what a 4-year-old says and does. —Nicole More Parenting Advice From Slate I am a new mom of 1-year-old twins, “Bella” and “Iris”. When I was pregnant, my husband and I decided that we wanted to give our girls names that we liked, as opposed to both of our families’ traditions of using family names (think “Dorothy” and “Ethel,” which are good names, just not our style). My mother-in-law was perfectly fine with this, and thinks that the names we picked out are much better than the family ones. My mother, however, will not stop giving me grief about it. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Kids