I had sex with three colleagues as part of a dare… now I’m pregnant and don’t know who the father is

DEAR DEIDRE: I WAS stupid enough to have sex with three colleagues as part of a dare. Now, I am pregnant and I’ve got no idea who the father is. My ex cheated on me, so I went out and got really drunk and ended up in bed with these guys I hardly know. I’m 33. I’d been with my former partner for two years and he was the only man I’ve ever loved. Because he was 36, I hoped he’d be ready to settle down, but I got that spectacularly wrong. Sign up for the Dear Deidre newsletter Thank you! I was still licking my wounds four months later when he had the cheek to slide into my DMs, saying he still loved me. I thought it was my chance to get him back but, as it turned out, he had been thrown out by his new girlfriend, so was using me to try and find a place to stay. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial My best friend from work told me to stop moping around and get back out there so, at our summer work event, I did just that. Our company arranged a corporate day at a country house with a free bar and I got completely trashed. I remember playing Truth Or Dare with one guy I knew and two I didn’t. After the event, we ended up going into town for more drinks and then, as they had booked a hotel room, they all dared one another to have sex with me — and that’s what happened. I can only remember snapshots of the evening, but now I’m expecting. I’m honestly not normally that kind of girl, but goodness knows what my reputation is like now. I think having a baby could be good for me, but who is the dad? DEIDRE SAYS: If you weren’t able to give consent, then this was rape, even if it wasn’t forced. For a better understanding, talk it over with someone at rapecrisis.org.uk (0808 802 9999). It’s your choice whether you continue with the pregnancy but, before becoming a mum, think carefully about whether you are in the right place mentally and financially to take on this huge responsibility. Consider whether you have a good network of family and friends to support you. Bringing a child into the world is hard work – and it’s even more challenging if you are doing everything on your own. DNA testing is the best way to find out paternity, but this is done after the birth. Contact cellmark.co.uk (0800 036 2522) for details on how to get confidential, conclusive, court-approved DNA tests. My support packs, called How Counselling Can Help and Unplanned Pregnancy?, will help you to make the right decision for you. POOR PAY HOLDING US BACK DEAR DEIDRE: I CRY myself to sleep every night because my boyfriend and I will never be able to afford to live together. We are both 28 and earn the minimum wage, which is a pittance. I work in a newsagent’s and my boyfriend is a stable hand. We’ve been together for seven years, but things haven’t really progressed in that time. We’ve got a savings account with a little bit in it, but both still live with our parents. I’ve tried to find a second job but had no luck. My friends are all settling down, getting married and having families. I can’t see us ever doing the same. DEIDRE SAYS: The first thing to remember is that nothing stays the same for long. Things can change and you are both masters of your own destiny. What would help you to get better jobs? Retraining? Extra shifts? Could you save for a rental deposit and look for jobs in a different area? My support pack, Help For Job Hunters, has some tips for how to improve your situation. If your wages are that low, you may be entitled to additional financial help. Check out advicelocal.uk, which addresses housing, benefits and employment, among other things. If you want to have time together without your parents around, offer to housesit for friends or care for their pets. Also, look at trustedhousesitters.com, which would give you both a free break. SHIFT WORK KILLING OUR SEX LIFE DEAR DEIDRE: I’M worried that my sex life is over at 44. My wife is never interested. Aside from things in the bedroom, we have a good relationship and three amazing children. Things were great until I lost my evening job. I’ve found more work now, but it’s during the day. My wife, who is 41, does a short nightshift in a factory so that we have childcare. We only really get weekends together. When I get in from work, we have dinner, put the kids to bed, have a quick kiss and cuddle and talk about our day, then my wife goes to work. If I suggest sex early in the morning, before I start my shift, she says she’s too tired. Surely our days of passion aren’t done. DEIDRE SAYS: The shift patterns are having an effect on her libido. If she’s looking after the kids, cooking and cleaning and then going to work, it’s little wonder she’s so tired. Do your bit by asking what chores you can take on to help ease the load for her. Your weekends are important so you can still do romantic things, as well as being Mum and Dad. Nice walks and days out are great, but also give her some time alone for a bath or cook her a meal. It’s the little things that show she is loved and appreciated. My support pack, called Reviving A Woman’s Sex Drive, has more ideas to help. I FEAR MY FAMILY WILL RUIN BIG DAY DEAR DEIDRE: I WANT to marry my partner, but my family say there is no point because we’re gay. I am 31, he’s 35, and we have been an item for three years. We live together, we love one another and want to make that commitment, but my family are less than supportive. I came out when I was 23, but my brother always said I was “being ridiculous”. He’s 37 and a man who’s had a succession of girlfriends but has never settled down. When I bring my partner to my parents’ house, he makes himself scarce or he goes to the pub, only returning when we’ve gone. My brother has always been homophobic. He comments when things come up on the news and still uses derogatory terms towards gay people, whether they’re women or men. Now, we’re starting to look at wedding venues and my sister’s little girls are excited about being our flower girls, but I’m worried about how the rest of my family will react. What if they cause a scene on the day or don’t turn up? My partner says we shouldn’t invite them because of their terrible attitude. DEIDRE SAYS: This is about your happiness, not anyone else. Talk to your parents and explain you’d love their blessing. Ask them if they are planning to come to your big day. Explain to your brother that you want him to be at your wedding and he will be very welcome – but if he chooses to come, you’ll expect his respect, especially when it comes to your partner, who has done nothing wrong. You’ll find support through fflag.org.uk (0300 688 0368), which supports friends and family of anybody lesbian, gay, bisexual or transsexual. If any members of your family can’t celebrate your special day in a kind and respectful manner, you’d be better off putting your energy into the people who can. My support pack, called Standing Up For Yourself, will help you to deal with negative comments. I hope you have a fabulous wedding. 1 comment1