I had sex with my aunt on her sofa after impromptu skinny dip session – should I come clean to my wife?

DEAR DEIDRE: MY aunt seduced me when I was 18 and apart from my best friend no one else knows. We spent a whole summer entangled in her bed. Even though I’d already lost my virginity to a girl from my school, being with her was my real sexual awakening. She is my dad’s younger sister and I’d gone to live with her as I’d got a temporary job in her city. We were left to our own devices and we made the most of our freedom. She is seven years older than me and one of the sexiest women I’ve ever met. One day, it was so hot and sticky we went down to a local swimming spot. We stripped off and I noticed her checking me out. That afternoon when we got home, she pounced on me asking to see my chest again. Within minutes we were having sex on her sofa. I’ve kept those memories of skinny dipping in the river and having sex anywhere and everywhere all to myself but now I wonder if I should come clean to my wife to be. I don’t want to have any secrets from her and somehow it seems like I’m lying by keeping this from her – especially as my aunt will be at the wedding and I know my wife-to-be and she will meet. I’m 29 now and my fiancée is 27. We have a great relationship and I’ve never had any doubts about her but I’m worried this could come between us. We have spoken about our pasts and I admitted I’d had a crazy summer with a woman a little bit older, but I lied and said I’d met her through my job. So she knows part of the truth. After my job finished and I moved back home, my aunt and I agreed that would be the end of our affair. We didn’t even stay in touch, only catching up at family gatherings. She is still as stunning as ever. She now has two young daughters and a long term boyfriend and I’d never want to jeopardise that. This isn’t easy. What should I do? DEIDRE SAYS: This was no idyllic love affair and while it doesn’t seem to have occurred to you, having a sexual relationship with your aunt, someone you are related to counts as incest. I must let you know that incest is a criminal offence. You were 18 at the time of this relationship barely an adult and your aunt had a lot more life experience than you. I’m afraid to say she took advantage of your inexperience and her behaviour could even be considered grooming. You have a difficult decision to make. If you tell your wife, it could taint your wedding day and open a whole can of worms. On the other hand your wife might feel more upset were she to find out from someone else further down the road, although this seems very unlikely as you’ve only ever told your best friend and your aunt has too much to lose to share the truth. You have a lot to work through and it would really help you if you were to see a counsellor, someone who could help you decide what are your next best steps. Dear Deidre’s Incest Issues Deidre’s mailbag is bursting with incest and relationship problems. One reader struggled to navigate her feelings for her long-lost cousin, while another found himself aroused after seeing sexy videos of his half-sister. And one man discovered his brother’s sexual fling with their half-sister. GLOBAL SNAPSHOT: WHERE IS INCEST LEGAL? Incest laws vary widely across the world — in some places, it’s criminalised even between consenting adults, while in others, it’s legally permitted under certain conditions. FranceConsensual incest is not a criminal offence, though marriage between close relatives is banned. SpainDecriminalised consensual incest in 1995. No laws against sexual relations between adult relatives. RussiaNo specific law against consensual incest between adults. Marriage between close relatives is not permitted. JapanIncestuous sexual relationships between adults are legal, but marriage is prohibited under the Civil Code. BrazilIncest is not criminal unless it involves coercion, minors, or abuse of authority. PortugalNo legal penalties for consensual incest between adults, though it remains socially taboo. TurkeyConsensual incest is not criminalised by law, but cultural and religious norms strongly condemn it. SwedenSex between half-siblings is legal. Full siblings may apply to marry with government approval in rare cases.