I had sex with girl who wants to be more than just friends with benefits – now she’s accused me of rape for revenge

DEAR DEIDRE: THE sexiest encounter I’ve ever experienced has turned into a nightmare. I spend most of my waking hours reliving that night, trying to work out what went wrong. I’m on bail for the alleged rape of a girl who I had sex with, but I would never do that to anyone. She’s been in my life for months. She’s 26 and we met in a pub. We had sex a couple of times and I’ve always been clear that I don’t want more than that. Sign up for the Dear Deidre newsletter Thank you! She’ll call when she wants sex and I oblige. It’s a classic friends with benefits situation. A couple of weeks ago, she messaged saying that she wanted to be exclusive. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial I said I wasn’t interested. I got another text later that night to say she was coming over. I opened the door and she was there in a coat, wearing nothing underneath. It was a real turn-on. She then dropped the coat and immediately started coming on to me sexually. She wanted full sex without a condom but I said no, and went and got one. As soon as it was over, she left and I went to bed. The next day, the police were banging on my door saying she’d accused me of rape. I was horrified. I hadn’t had a drink when she turned up at my flat and I don’t do drugs or anything which would stop me remembering what happened. I’m a good looking guy of 32. I don’t have to try too hard to pull but I’m yet to meet somebody who I think could be the one. It’s certainly not her now. I’m on bail and it may go to court. They are gathering evidence at the moment. If it is a case of her word against mine, I might end up in prison. I’m terrified. I think she’s just out for revenge because I don’t want a relationship. DEIDRE SAYS: If the police are gathering evidence, make sure they have every scrap of information from you – any text messages, the condom if it’s still around and even Ring doorbell footage if you have one, as far back as you can showing she comes to your flat voluntarily. They have to take her accusations seriously but, without evidence, they may drop the case. Clearly, you didn’t know this woman as well as you thought. Lean on your friends and family for support through what will be an incredibly difficult time. You can find emotional aid through the False Allegation Support Organisation (false-allegations.org.uk, 0333 577 9377). WORRIED MY GUY IS A CHEAT DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend says he’ll dump me if I don’t stop accusing him of cheating. I’m female and 38. My first marriage broke down when my husband cheated. My boyfriend treats me like a princess but when we’re not together, I overthink. We met online and quickly became lovers. He comes baggage-free as he’s not had a proper relationship before. But he lives more than 200 miles from me so we can only get together once every couple of months. He’s 41. If I can’t get hold of him or he doesn’t answer my texts right away, my mind goes into a spin. I’ve asked him about half a dozen times if he’s with another woman. He never is, but he’s now saying he’s at the end of his tether with my accusations. DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve been hurt by your former husband but not every man is out to cheat on you. Your boyfriend may not have met the woman of his dreams so far – but you could be that person. However, a man in his forties without baggage may be set in his ways. Every time you suspect he’s cheating, he proves you wrong. Sooner or later you need to decide whether you can take that leap of faith and start trusting him. Your relationship won’t last without that understanding. In time you can have a proper talk about where he sees your relationship going. My support pack, Dealing With Jealousy, may help you to put your worries into perspective. I’M GAY BUT MUM CALLS IT ‘A PHASE’ DEAR DEIDRE: MY mother will not accept my girlfriend as a permanent partner. She says it’s a phase I’m going through and it really annoys me. I’m 24 and I came out to my family three years ago. I’ve been with my girlfriend for nearly two years. My mum is polite to her, but she still talks about me meeting a man. She won’t invite my girlfriend to any family gatherings. I let a couple of things go early on in our relationship but she’s planning a party for my dad’s 60th and when I asked about my girlfriend coming she said, “It’s family only darling, not friends.” My brother’s girlfriend is coming and they’ve been together for three months. I despair. My brother’s girlfriend is coming and they’ve been together for three months. I despair. DEIDRE SAYS: Your mother finds it difficult to believe that you’re gay. She can’t understand that the aspirations she had for you won’t come to fruition. Find a moment to talk to her and explain that being gay isn’t something you chose, but it is part of who you are. She may be worried that you can’t have a family without a man but times have changed and there are ways of still becoming parents in a same-sex relationship, so at least you can give her reassurance, if that is her worry. My LGBT+ support pack will show you organisations where you and your mum can talk in confidence. TEEN KISSED ME WHEN I BABYSAT DEAR DEIDRE: A YOUNG teenager I was babysitting kissed me on the lips. I’m a married man with a daughter of nine. My wife is a friend of this girl’s mum. We felt sorry for her when her partner left her with three kids to bring up. The little ones are four and seven and the older daughter is 14. Their mum was going to visit her sister in hospital and my wife had arranged to babysit. Unfortunately, our own daughter was feeling poorly with tonsillitis and she wanted my wife to stay with her, so I offered to sit with the friend’s children instead. The younger kids were in their pyjamas when I arrived, so I read them a bedtime story and tucked them in. I was watching TV when the older daughter came down to say goodnight. She snuggled up next to me on the sofa but then when I turned to ask her if she needed a drink of water to take up to bed, she kissed me full on the mouth. I was so shocked, I pushed her off saying, “What do you think you’re doing?”. She burst into tears saying that she loved me. I’m 37 for heaven’s sake. Why would this girl be interested in me? I don’t know whether to tell my wife. What should I do? DEIDRE SAYS: Yes, you should tell your wife and, although it might be difficult, you should both be prepared to talk to this friend about the situation. That way you can explain what has happened and that you want to be totally transparent about it. This girl is vulnerable and missing a father figure in her life, so she was turning to you for comfort. It isn’t unusual for a young teenager to have a crush on an older person and she’s not emotionally mature enough to realise it’s inappropriate. You can find some further guidance through the NSPCC (nspcc.org.uk, 0808 800 5000), where you can talk in confidence.