I go to swinging parties with my husband, but only one of us has sex – it’s made our marriage stronger

For many couples, sex with another person would spell the end… But for Sophie and Sean Owen, they say it’s the secret to keeping their marriage alive. While they both love attending swinging clubs and nights together, Sophie and Sean, from Basildon, Essex, know by the end of the night only one of them will be having sex with someone else. Sophie and Sean say swinging has kept their marriage alive Credit: Lorna Roach The couple outside a sex club and ready to party Credit: Supplied by Sophie and Sean Owens For the past 18 months, Sophie, 39, and Sean, 43, have been going to swinging clubs, including one in Amsterdam. And while they both love the scene, only Sophie has indulged in anything sexual outside their marriage. For most couples, that could spell disaster. But for them, they say it’s made their marriage stronger than ever. She says: “It makes us laugh that other women see it as a challenge that Sean isn’t up for it and always tell him he’ll come round, but he won’t. “He has no interest in being with anyone else, but we both enjoy the whole scene. “The people are so friendly — it’s rejuvenated our life.” Around 1.5million British people are thought to be part of the swinging scene, with many of them married or in long-term relationships. Research suggests that married men are more than three times as likely as married women to say their ideal relationship includes other sexual partners. But for Sophie and Sean, who have two children, aged 17 and 14, it is the other way around. Sophie, who is bisexual, says: “People have so many misconceptions about swinging. “One of the most common ones is that it’s driven by men — but I’m the one that first mentioned it to Sean as I like women, too, which he’s known for years.” The couple, who have been together since their teens, only started exploring swinging after their wedding in August 2024. “We owned a graphic design and signage business and worked all the hours imaginable,” Sophie explains. “Our life had become all work and no play. But then we went to Turkey for our wedding and stayed there for three weeks. “It was blissful, and we took stock of our lives. We decided to wind down the business and start afresh. “We also vowed to have more fun and socialise.” But it wasn’t until two months later that a friend of Sophie’s invited them to her house for a private swinger’s party — and the couple decided it was time to explore. Sophie says: “She had a great social life. I remember a couple of years ago, I’d asked her how she knew so many people and she admitted she was a swinger. “We were both intrigued, and when she invited us to a party after our honeymoon, we decided to go along.” At the house, the couple were surprised to see a birthday banner outside. But they later discovered it is a common ruse so nosey neighbours do not realise what is happening behind closed doors. For the past 18 months, Sophie and Sean have been going to swinging clubs Credit: Lorna Roach Sophie and Sean dressed up and ready for some action Credit: Supplied by Sophie and Sean Owens Sophie says that what she and Sean witnessed when they walked in was rather eye-opening. “We were one of the first to arrive, and there was party food like sausage rolls out,” she remembers. “It all felt a bit awkward and within ten minutes, we were on the verge of leaving but we ended up staying for about an hour. “By then, there were around 60 people there and the action was starting. People got chatting to us, but only in a friendly way. “There was absolutely no pressure to join in, as we said it was our first party. “There wasn’t much going on in front of us, but people kept disappearing upstairs.” The couple say they “weren’t ready for it then”, but by the time New Year’s Eve came around they decided to try going to a swinging club — and loved it. “I suggested it,” says Sophie. “We were both excited but nervous, too. “That night, we just chatted to people and enjoyed the scene. “We realised we definitely prefer clubs as we like to be able to find a private space to indulge with other people. “At house parties, there just isn’t the space so there are often large groups on the bed together, which isn’t our scene. “It’s not all about the sex, though. We’ve taken going to parties really slowly, but the atmosphere and sense of freedom is great so we have started going more regularly.” The first time Sophie had sex with someone else was on the couple’s fourth visit to a party. Each time, Sophie has only had sex with other married women, while Sean — and the other husbands — either watch or sleep with their own wives. “I was really nervous that Sean wouldn’t enjoy the thought of it but fortunately, he did,” Sophie says. “And the more clubs we went to, the more fun we’ve had. “The sex the next day is always phenomenal, remembering how naughty we were the night before.” While the couple are enjoying a new way to spice up their marriage, Sophie insists it is vital they have an emotional bond with their “playmates” first. She says: “Some people will meet, and within five minutes they’ll get down to it — and that’s great if that’s what they enjoy. But we like to form a connection with other people. “We’ve now played with three or four other couples at different events, but Sean and the other man have only touched their own wives, while me and the other woman get down to it.” It’s not just Sophie and Sean’s sex life that has improved, it’s their overall relationship Credit: Lorna Roach The couple say swinging has helped their communication Credit: Supplied by Sophie and Sean Owens For Sophie and Sean, there is another non-negotiable. They say communication is key in their unconventional relationship and they have boundaries in place. Sophie explains: “We’ve learnt so much since we started going and met some incredible friends. “We’ve always talked openly before we go and set out boundaries, and we have a safe word — ‘ring’ — in case either of us ever gets uncomfortable, but we’ve never had to use it. “We find it interesting talking to other couples about how they navigate it. “One couple have been swinging for 35 years and they always hold hands throughout any action and give a light squeeze if they want to stop.” While Sophie and Sean are relative newbies on the swinging scene, they have always enjoyed an adventurous sex life, from doing it on planes and trains to outside — though their saucy fun in the great outdoors has not always been successful. “There was one occasion which was very funny,” says Sophie. “We were in the middle of nowhere in a field, and we got down to it. “When we heard someone coming and ran into the undergrowth, Sean ended up getting his bits stung by nettles.” But since the couple started swinging, their sex life has got even better. “We’ve gone from a couple of times a week to twice a day,” says Sophie. “We’ve even converted the office we had in the garden into a love shack so we can really let go without the boys hearing. “They’ll eventually cotton on but at the moment, we think they don’t know.” It’s not just the couple’s sex life that has improved, though, it’s their overall relationship. Sophie explains: “We were always very close anyway — you can’t go swinging if you aren’t. “If there’s a crack in your relationship, it could become a canyon very quickly. “But swinging has taught us more about communication and trust than ever before, and we are both more confident. Life is definitely not all work and no play any more.” However, there is still some time left over for work, as Sophie — who has talked about her experiences in a book, called Unleashed and Liberated — and Sean have set up an online sex toy business, lovedo.co.uk. Sophie says: “We have nothing to be ashamed about and I want to share our story with other people as it has been so life-changing for us.” Sean adds: “People are really surprised when they realise I have no interest in any other woman — I get asked about it all the time. “One of our good friends has even said, ‘I wish I was like you’. “But Sophie is absolutely perfect to me — she’s ten out of ten both in and out of bed so I don’t need anyone else. I only have eyes for her. “But we do both really enjoy the lifestyle. Everyone is so respectful and friendly, and it is an exciting and new vibe so we are both happy and closer in every way.”