I found out my uncle is having sordid affairs and feel sick… do I tell his wife and risk losing my apprenticeship?

DEAR DEIDRE: MY uncle has helped me out by giving me an apprenticeship with his company, but at the same time has put me in an impossible situation. I’ve always admired his easygoing personality but now I have a ringside seat overlooking his affairs and I feel awful. I’m a man of 21 and he’s 48. His wife is lovely and I’m pretty sure she is completely oblivious to his antics. Initially I was so grateful when he offered me a role. I’d been applying for jobs for months and got nowhere. My uncle pays a good wage and I’m really enjoying learning the building trade. Then I realised he was having sex with one of the customers. He barely bothered to cover his tracks. His company is very successful and he has three teams working on different projects. I was finishing up one day when he arrived “to check our work”. I asked if he could give me a lift home but he said the owner needed his ‘special attention’. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial One of the other builders saw the look on my face and nudged me, then commented “didn’t you know about your uncle’s reputation?” Now I’ve started to notice the sly way he looks at women when my aunt isn’t around. Last week I went with him to quote for a big roof repair job and he was so flirtatious it was embarrassing. He’s so brazen he boasted to me that he’d “secured the deal” and was confident we’d get the job. He’s a good-looking man but he’s married with two teenagers, who are my cousins and I’ve grown up with them. I’ve spoken to my mum and all she said was that she was worried I’d get caught up in his antics. She has advised me to say nothing, telling me it’s between my uncle and aunt. But I don’t feel right just letting it carry on. What can I do? DEIDRE SAYS: In many ways your mum is right, this is between your uncle and aunt. And she is likely to already have a good idea of his reputation. By bringing it up with her, you are likely to embarrass and upset her, and quite possibly could remove her coping strategy. I do understand that you feel uncomfortable being a witness to his behaviour, so you could either ask your mum to talk to him and encourage him to seek relationship counselling or as soon as your apprenticeship is complete, you could thank him for his support but let him know you feel disloyal to your family by keeping his secret. Tavistockrelationships.org can also help them work through their issues. HATE WAY SHE TREATS MY SON DEAR DEIDRE: I’M feeling increasingly concerned about the resentment my fiancee shows towards my son. We have been together for five years and right from the beginning, she has been less than welcoming to him. Her children, a boy and a girl, always come first. We cook what they want for dinner, go where they want for days out, silly things like my son always has to sit in the middle on car journeys because hers prefer to be by the doors. She barely tolerates my boy, who is nine, yet talks openly about how our home should feel like a haven for her children who are ten and seven. My son visits every other weekend and she behaves as if it is the biggest inconvenience. She’s forever talking about how cars and holidays aren’t made for families of five. She makes digs about how unnaturally close we are and hates it if I take him out for the day alone. When he comes to stay, he sleeps in a tiny box room that has all her stock stacked around him – she runs an online beauty shop. My son never moans about how she treats him but I can see that he doesn’t understand why he is treated differently. I split my time in her home but I still have my own flat. If I’m honest, I’m worried about getting rid of it, for the sake of my son. I have spoken to her several times and said that every child needs to feel equally valued. She’s rebuffed me saying she won’t feel secure or less resentful until I fully commit and move in with her properly. She wants me to sell the flat. DEIDRE SAYS: Your fiancee feels insecure and threatened by your relationship with your son and your reluctance to sell your flat. Still, treating your son so unkindly is cruel and it’s now time to put down a boundary. Let her know you’d like to move in properly with her, but the way she behaves around your son is holding you back. You both have children from previous relationships and need to accept they are a part of you. Explain unless she starts giving your son with equal consideration you won’t feel confident your relationship can work. Perhaps you could agree to move in for two or three months and see if things improve, only then will you start to move forward with selling your flat. My support pack Blended Families explains more. SEX-HELP CLINIC DEAR DEIDRE: WE have a weird sex-life as my girlfriend loves foreplay, and is really good at it, but when it comes to my climax she rolls away. It is so frustrating when she tells me to finish myself off. We have been together for five years. I’m 40, she’s 37. She’s had boyfriends before me, but she lost her virginity to me, while I have had five previous girlfriends and was sexual with them all. Sex has always been the same with her – it’s as if she is scared of me climaxing. She has admitted to me that she hates the smell of men’s orgasms and the thought of it touching her skin makes her panic. She also has a very low sex drive and if I suggest getting intimate or make the first move, she declines. When we do have sex, it’s on her terms and she wants it over and done with as quickly as possible. Suggesting watching porn together to get her in the mood is met with “that’s revolting”. I’ve even bought her sexy lingerie, but she simply rolls her eyes and tells me to take it back. It feels like nothing will shift her mind. I’m really getting fed up and have started to talk to other women online. Cheating isn’t what I want to do but, I can’t really see an alternative.What do you think is going on for her? DEIDRE SAYS: You do have options other than cheating. Your girlfriend is not comfortable with you climaxing, which is likely to be linked to trauma early on in her life. So surprising her with saucy underwear or suggesting watching porn together will simply add more pressure. It is very likely she will need counselling to overcome and work through any past trauma. Make everything about intimacy pressure free and be led by her. Please support her to contact cosrt.org.uk, who can recommend a good relationship and sex therapist. If you don’t feel you can support her while she works this through, it would be better to end the relationship rather than cheat on her as that will only make things more upsetting for both of you. BAILIFFS KNOCKING AS HUBBY FIGHTS TERMINAL CANCER DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has terminal cancer and the bailiffs are knocking. Please help. We have a teenage daughter and while we’ve never been flush, we have both worked hard and enjoyed a loving family life. Now my husband is too ill to work. We are in our forties and although I’m taking on as much overtime as I can, it’s not enough. I work for a major supermarket. I can’t pay the rent or buy food. I want to be able to concentrate on looking after my husband but I have to somehow keep the roof over our heads, which is causing no end of stress. DEIDRE SAYS: What a stressful and upsetting time for all of you. As a first step please contact macmillan.org.uk (0808 808 0000), who help people living with cancer, and their families. Many big companies have welfare budgets available for employees who are going through financial difficulties, so approach your HR department. And your council may help. Some have policies where they waive council tax for those in hardship. STRANGER CLAIMS THEY’RE RELATED TO ME DEAR DEIDRE: A STRANGER has contacted me to claim they are related to me. They have a lot of facts correct but I’m left questioning what they are after. I’m a 49-year-old man and both my parents have died within the last three years. The recent messages came from a woman, a few years older than me. She said my dad had an affair with her mum. She knew a lot of my extended family’s names. Aside from feeling upset at the thought that Dad may have cheated on Mum, I’m also worried if this is a scam and someone will try to take my inheritance. Can this person cause me trouble? How can I find out if they are genuine? If you want to find out if there is any truth in these suggestions you can contact cellmark.co.uk, who provide court-approved DNA testing, and ask for guidance. And please don’t forget you are under no obligation to respond to this woman. Contact citizensadvice.org.uk to find out more about the legalities of inheritance.