I Found a Guy Who Can Only Give Me Some of What I Want. Maybe That’s Enough.

How to Do It This might be unwise. Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Svetlana Makarova/Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here. It’s anonymous! Dear How to Do It, Here’s the tea. About two years ago, I met a guy from Feeld, and we went out a few times and hooked up a few times. The sex was great, I thought he was super attractive, and we had great conversations and similar interests. After a few times seeing each other, he said he didn’t think we should see each other anymore, and in my bummed state, I asked him if it was anything in particular. He said no; he thought I was great but didn’t think we were the right fit. A couple of months later, I texted him in a moment of weakness, asking if he was open to just hooking up, and he enthusiastically obliged. Since then, we’ve probably seen each other five times, really just me going over to hook up. Last time he reached out (a few months ago), I was very much in an intentional dating phase, and I told him I was only interested in seeing people who were open to the potential of something long-term. He was honest and said that he was looking for a hookup and hoped I’d find what I was looking for. Fast forward to just last week. I had another moment of weakness. For context, I recently deleted my dating apps out of frustration, but a girl’s got needs and a dry roster. It worked out even better than I imagined. He was feeling extra spontaneous and wanted a threesome, and the stars aligned with a friend of his, and the rest is history. He made me feel incredibly comfortable; we still get along so well, and I feel like there’s a part of me that still yearns for the possibility of this being something more. But I know he’s a workaholic and isn’t prioritizing dating. My question is: Should I continue trying to see him casually? Because we have great rapport and sexual chemistry, and it’s nice to have someone to call, but is that wise if my subconscious still has a crush on him? —A Girl With Needs (she/her) Dear a Girl With Needs, It’s not so much that having sex with someone you have a crush on, but who only wants casual hookups, is inherently unwise. It’s that throughout your letter, from the opening line that frames this story as juicy gossip, through your repeated descriptions of moments of weakness, this situation seems rather dramatic, with hints of you ceding or simply not having full control of your actions. That road leads to messiness, which will probably hurt you and is almost certainly one of the exact things that this guy from Feeld wants to avoid. If you don’t already have a good set of sex toys, some great friends, and an outlet for your desire to care about people, get those things in place. Keep dating with an eye toward what you actually want. There’s no guarantee you’ll find that on any particular timeline, but you deserve to hold out for a situation you truly desire. —Jessica More Advice From Slate My girlfriend and I have been dating for about two months. She is not on birth control and doesn’t have an IUD. I went out and bought a bunch of condoms, and I used a condom for our first time. However, after this, she asked me to go without and finish on her rather than inside her. Despite this being a very bad idea, I did it (and avoided having an oopsie inside her) three more times. Advice Sex