I feel crushed after finding out my passionate festival fling has a boyfriend and baby

DEAR DEIDRE: FINDING out the truth about my passionate festival fling has crushed me. My carefree weekend with a gorgeous woman has soured since I learned she has a boyfriend and a baby. My head is a total mess. I am 21 and I haven’t had a girlfriend since I was 18. The last few years have been hard because my home life has been heavy. My dad has been having serious mental health problems which meant I had zero social life for a long time. When a mate invited me to a festival for the weekend, I jumped at the chance to finally get away and chill. The trip was awesome, and got even better when I met this gorgeous 20-year-old woman. I was instantly blown away by her. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial As the weekend went on, she was hanging around me constantly, and it was obvious she was into talking to me. On the last night, she got really close, kissed me, and asked if she could stay in my tent. It was pretty cramped and we kept getting tangled in the sleeping bags, but it was the most passionate sex I’ve ever had. We swapped numbers before leaving and were texting non-stop. I couldn’t wait to see her again, even though I was stressing that I’d rushed into things and maybe ruined any chance of making this a proper relationship instead of a one-night thing. Then my mate dropped a bombshell last night that she has a boyfriend and a baby girl of a year and a half. I’m totally gutted. I thought we had something special going on, but now I’m sitting here with no idea what I’m supposed to do next. DEIDRE SAYS: You weren’t to know, but making mistakes is often how we learn, rather than getting everything right the first time. You need to break off all contact with this woman. Continuing to see her risks getting into a messy love triangle, which isn’t fair to her innocent daughter. While it’s hugely disappointing that she isn’t free to pursue a relationship with you, reflect on what you’ve learned about yourself. This experience proved that you are genuinely attractive, passionate, and great company. You also know now to take things a little more steadily with someone new before diving in headfirst. Stop wasting your time and energy on regret. Even with family problems, keep your social life going so that you can meet new people who are available. My support pack Widening Your Social Scene has ideas to get you started. WORRIED EX IS TURNING DAUGHTER AGAINST ME DEAR DEIDRE: EVER since my ex and I went through a bitter separation, staying involved in my children’s lives has felt like a constant struggle. I am their 43-year-old dad. I want to be a good father to my daughters, aged 17 and 14, but their mum continuously blocks my access using one excuse after another. Despite this, I make sure both girls receive generous amounts of money for their birthdays and Christmas. My youngest always sends a quick text to say thanks, which I really appreciate. My eldest, on the other hand, has completely ignored me for five years without a single response or a word of thanks. I am convinced her mum has been influencing her against me. Being treated like this after years of trying to do the right thing makes me feel hurt and frustrated. It has now reached the stage where I am tempted to send her less money or even none at all. DEIDRE SAYS: Cutting back on gifts could be something you come to regret, especially since your daughter is not to blame for her mum’s influence. Talk to her and explain that a simple acknowledgment of your gifts is basic good manners. Reassure her that while you understand her loyalty to her mum, you are still her dad and genuinely want a relationship with her. For support please get in touch with bothparentsmatter.org.uk (0300 0300 363), who will understand the issue. WHY AM I UNABLE TO MAKE CHOICES? DEAR DEIDRE: MAKING a decision about anything, no matter how big or small, is impossible. It makes me feel like an idiot. I am a 23-year-old woman. I am still in the exact same job I started when I left school when I was 18. Every time a chance for a promotion comes up, or a new job catches my interest, I end up with huge doubts. I go through the pros and cons constantly, and even when my gut instinct says go for it, I just can’t decide. I have let so many opportunities go. It isn’t just the job thing either, it affects my daily life. I waste so much time every morning, staring at my wardrobe trying to decide what to wear and then whatever I choose, I feel it is the wrong choice. I feel overwhelmed by the fear of making the wrong choice. How can someone like me stop this cycle? DEIDRE SAYS: Indecision isn’t genetic but it is a habit learned over time from your parents. Think back to your childhood. Did your parents constantly make you feel as though every choice you made was wrong and criticised you for it? When your opinions are repeatedly dismissed or ignored, it affects your self-belief so you can’t trust your own judgment as an adult. My pack, Raising Self-esteem, will help you build up positive feelings about yourself so you become confident about making decisions more easily. SO DEVASTATED BY WIFE'S AFFAIR DEAR DEIDRE: A GUY my wife works with has suddenly contacted me to tell me she was having an affair with him, right up to the week before our wedding. I am devastated. I am 27 and my wife is 25. We had been engaged for a few months when she told me she had to take on a weekend shift at work to help cover for a project that was running behind schedule. I admit I wasn’t thrilled about her working those extra weekend hours, but I trusted her completely and didn’t want to get in the way of her job. Everything seemed great between us, and we got married four months ago. This colleague says that they first had sex during one of those late weekend shifts at their office, and the affair then developed from there. He was even in our bed while I was away with my mates for my stag weekend. She apparently tried to end it a few times, but kept giving in. I had no idea she was leading a double life. I am in pieces. I don’t know how I am meant to get past the betrayal. DEIDRE SAYS: Has it occurred to you that this colleague only confessed in the hope of wrecking your marriage, so he can have your wife for himself? Remember that she chose to marry you, but if you walk away now, he wins. If you both still love each other and she feels genuinely sorry for the affair, trust can eventually be rebuilt. You must insist, however, that she works hard to prove she is sincere. Looking closely at your relationship to see what was missing from your relationship on both sides will be a good start. My support pack, Cheating – Can You Get Over It?, will help you.