I enjoyed string of sultry one-night stands as a married woman – it’s electric but there’s one session I really regret

STANDING on the doorstep, Carla Crivaro gave her lover a lingering kiss goodbye. They had just shared a beautiful meal followed by five hours of incredible sex. Carla with Federico, who gave his blessing for her to have flings while they were still wedCredit: Refer to source Carla had been married to Federico for 12 years when she had her first fling in December 2021 Credit: Supplied But this was not a cherished relationship or some longed-for intimacy with the bloke of her dreams. In fact, the man leaving her home was Carla’s TENTH one-night stand in four years. She began having hook-ups in 2021, while married to insurance worker Federico, 46. Their sex life had turned stale as he often worked away, and Carla began to lust after ­something more adventurous. After lengthy discussions, ­Federico gave her his blessing to sleep with other people. And feeling liberated, Carla, 45, romped with four different partners over one particularly spicy weekend. The mum-of-two, from Southport, Merseyside, explains: “When I was younger, I always wanted to have a one-night stand. “One of my fantasies was ­meeting a stranger in a bar and taking him home for sex. “But I was fearful. I wasn’t confident enough and I was worried about getting a reputation. Now I know how wonderful they can be.” Carla had been married to Federico for 12 years when she had her first fling in December 2021. Intimacy had never been an issue in the early years of their union, but after two children and busy careers, the sparkle dulled. “Our sex was good to start with, but life got in the way,” says Carla. “Federico worked away a lot and I was at home with the children. My mental health suffered and I became very anxious.” In January 2020, Carla went to Morocco on a spiritual retreat to clear her head — and it proved to be life-altering. She says: “I reconnected with myself and it ignited something in me. I knew I needed to change.” When she returned home, Carla trained as a sex and relationship coach, which prompted her to reassess her own life. The couple’s sex life had turned stale as he often worked away Credit: Supplied I’ve had a huge variety, from sex with a man 13 years younger than me to tantric sex, a threesome with a married couple, says CarlaCredit: Refer to source She says: “I started thinking about having that one-night stand and talked to Federico about opening up our marriage. After a lot of discussion, we agreed to explore.” In 2021, Carla signed up to Feeld, an adult dating app for those seeking open-minded ­relationships, and found a match. She says: “We arranged to meet up and I went to his house. He made a huge effort to put me at ease, talking and listening to music. “The actual sex was a bit nervous and fumbly, but afterwards I was on a high. I felt liberated and curious to experiment more with different people.” After that, Carla had lovers and even enjoyed romping with strangers at sex parties. She continued exploring her new sexual freedom and, over the following months, had flings with various men on the app. She explains: “I’ve had a huge variety, from sex with a man 13 years younger than me to tantric sex, a threesome with a married couple and even a one-night stand with an ex-soap star.” She adds: “I’m not indiscriminate — I have to feel chemistry and connection. There’s a common misconception that one-night stands are drunken fumbles, but I was sober through all of mine. In September 2022, Carla and Federico decided the spark was gone and ended their marriage Credit: Supplied Carla’s one romp regret is bedding a friend as he hoped it would lead to a relationshipCredit: Refer to source “And I became more confident about asking for what I wanted. “With all of them, I made it very clear it was a one-off to ­fulfil my sexual needs.” In September 2022, Carla and Federico decided the spark was gone and ended their marriage, though he still stays in the marital home for half of the week to be with their kids. It was in that same month that Carla had her wildest weekend of sex to date. She reveals: “I met one man on the Friday who came to the Airbnb I’d rented as I was staying in London. We’d spoken a lot on the phone, we met for dinner and then I took him back with me. “He was very attentive, giving me a massage before we had sex. “The following evening, I went to a kink party and was approached by a married couple. “They made it all about me and the sex was phenomenal. Although I’m not bisexual, I was curious about what it would be like with a woman. “While I was there, I met a much younger man who I fancied. “We chatted, but nothing ­happened. Then I messaged him the following day on Facebook inviting him round. It started with tantric sex and ended with a mind-blowing orgasm. “All of them were fulfilling in their own way and far from feeling ashamed, I felt empowered.” However, not every encounter has been thrilling. Carla’s one regret was an ­afternoon spent with a friend in January last year. She says: “I had no idea he had feelings for me and, one afternoon, I was feeling horny and invited him round for sex. “He hoped it would lead to a relationship and I ended up hurting him as that wasn’t what I wanted. “It’s my only regret and I’ve since turned people down when I’ve suspected that they want more. After those early years of restraint, Carla has made up for lost time in her 40s Credit: Supplied I won’t settle for anything that doesn’t leave me feeling fulfilled and glowing, says CarlaCredit: Refer to source “One-night stands don’t work if you are hoping it will lead to a relationship or you need validation that you’re attractive. “But when you are doing it for the right reasons, the sex can be mind-blowing.” Explaining how the intimacy can be special, even if it is a one-off, she says of her casual partners: “The sex doesn’t have to be rushed and clumsy or drunken. They can be every bit as tender, if not more so, than routine, marital sex. I’ve learnt a lot from them, both about my needs and how men think — many of them are more insecure than they seem.” It’s a far cry from Carla’s experiences growing up. Her family was religious and championed sexual restraint. She remembers: “When I was about 15, I had a close male friend and he was in my room. “We were chatting and I was just wearing my pyjamas — an old T-shirt that came down to my knees. My parents were angry, telling me I’d get a reputation. “I always knew I wanted to get married and have children, and was told that if I was ‘loose’, then no one would want to marry me. “I remember hearing stories about classmates and feeling shocked and envious that they were exploring. “I was curious but frightened. I was always the one that stood back. In one of my first office jobs, in my 20s, we were at my boss’s house and he had a swimming pool. “Everyone else went skinny ­dipping, but I was too prudish and didn’t join in. I also lacked confidence in my body.” After those early years of restraint, Carla has made up for lost time in her 40s. She says: “I don’t feel ashamed about any of the encounters I’ve had — I feel empowered and liberated. I know what I want both in and out of bed. I feel more confident than ever. “I look back at that girl who was too frightened to skinny-dip and proud of how far I’ve come. I know it isn’t for everyone, but don’t let fear hold you back. “I haven’t ruled out a relationship in the future, too — I’m open to anything from monogamy with the right person to open relationships. “But I won’t settle for anything that doesn’t leave me feeling ­fulfilled and glowing.” For info on Carla’s sex coaching, see carlacrivaro.com.