I earn £230,000 and want to retire at 47 — my younger girlfriend thinks that’s unfair

The couple are struggling to reach an agreement on their future (Picture: Getty Images) The FIRE movement – Financial Independence, Retire Early – has gained enormous traction in the UK over the last decade. The premise is simple: save aggressively, invest heavily and exit the workforce decades before the state pension age. But while retiring early when you’re single is a maths problem, a relationship turns this into a negotiation – especially if there’s a significant wealth disparity. While this week’s Money Problem reader, Alan, 47, from West Sussex, dreams of an early exit from the rat race, his partner wants him to keep working. With their conversations on the topic at a stalemate, he asked Metro consumer champion, Sarah Davidson, for her thoughts. The question… Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. I’m 47 with a younger partner, aged 38. She has a child from a previous marriage, and while we all live happily together, we have agreed marriage is not a priority. We’ve been together for five years. She earns around £55,000 as a marketing manager in pharmaceuticals and has around £40,000 in her pension. I am a high earner at around £230,000 salary including a quarterly bonus and vesting shares, with approximately £900,000 in my pension plus another £600,000 in a stocks and shares ISA and investment account. We live in my house, which is mortgage free, and she’s renting out her house for £2,000 a month. She still has 16 years left on her mortgage. The big issue here is that I want to quit the rat race and she’s not happy about it. Alan want to enjoy some leisure time (Picture: Getty Images) Initially I wanted to stop work and take a year out to decide what I wanted to do and retrain in a skill that removes me from the corporate world. Then that evolved to me finding a part-time contractor job. Either way, I’ve worked really hard and want a break. Her arguments are that if either of us is going to stay at home, it should be her as the child in our household is her son and not mine, and it would look ‘weird’ if she was going out to work as the ‘breadwinner’. She also keeps reminding me she’s at the peak of her career and it’s ‘unfair’ that she has to slog away when I am at home putting my feet up. We could afford to both stop work for a while, but she is understandably against that as she is doing well at her job. Her suggestion is I can still quit my current work and find a full-time less pressured job instead, but I think she’s missing the point that I want more leisure time for a while. Don't miss our Money tips! Add us as a Preferred Source At Metro Money, we're here to bring you all the latest news and advice on personal finance, cost of living, saving and investing. As part of our vibrant community of highly engaged readers, we want to make sure you never miss our articles when searching for stories. Click the button below and tick Metro.co.uk to ensure you see stories from us first in Google Search. Add us as a Preferred Source Our Money experts are here to give you the latest tips and insider guides My early retirement and semi-retirement plans are crumbling before my eyes and I feel pressured to carry on working just to keep the peace at home. To be clear, she isn’t a gold digger – she’s very good with money and is very independent, although we share all bills and responsibilities equally. My question is, who is being unreasonable here, me or her? Who do you side with in this retirement debate? Alan, wanting to semi-retire earlyCheck His partner, preferring stabilityCheck Sign up to Metro's The Slice newsletter for your guide to what's on in London, with trusted reviews, offers and giveaways. The answer… Okay – I think this isn’t about money at all, but it’s easier for you both to argue about that than confront the bigger emotional reality facing you both. Simply put, you’re looking at this as your decision. In many ways this is understandable. You worked and saved for 20 years before you and your partner got together – the wealth you’ve built up is yours. Ergo, how you choose to spend it is up to you. This feeling is entrenched by the fact that you’re currently keeping your finances separate. But while this makes sense in the early stages of a relationship, there does come a time when there needs to be a conversation about whether that makes sense anymore. His partner earns significantly less (Picture: Getty Images) You mention marriage is not on the table but from the sound of it, you do envisage a future together. This muddies the waters – however rightly or wrongly – as unmarried couples have far fewer protections when it comes to money. The government has recently announced a consultation to grant cohabiting couples stronger rights but currently, if you separate, she has no automatic claim on your pension or home, and you have no claim on hers. You may all be living happily together at the moment, but what if that changes? What, also, are you going to be doing with all this newfound free time you’ll have on your hands? You will inevitably be meeting and spending more time with other people. That brings risks which she may be feeling insecure about. She’s also probably concerned about what happens if there is a change in your relationship at some point down the line. This might not affect you, but will leave her and her child financially vulnerable. More Metro Money Problems You are not being unreasonable for wanting to step off the corporate treadmill – you have clearly worked hard and saved aggressively for exactly this privilege. But you are being naive if you think you can make a unilateral decision to semi-retire without it profoundly affecting your relationship. She has a child to consider and every decision she makes will factor that in. At the moment, it sounds like you aren’t factoring that child into your wish to step back from work. This isn’t just financial – it’s emotional. Are you a family with a future? Or are you a couple with separate lives and priorities – albeit some of them shared? Deals of the Day Wuka launches the UK’s first period-proof swimwear for heavy flows Bridgerton fans are rushing to buy these new Netflix-inspired perfumes now £12 off The affordable summer wardrobe update you'll wear from rooftop drinks to beach holidays The £7.99 lip balm beauty fans love for glossy, hydrated lips just dropped four new shades This Keskine hydrogel mask could fix your summer skin Either is fine, but you both need to be clear and honest about it. How you choose to manage your finances after that will, I think, be easier to navigate. Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@metro.co.uk Arrow MORE: I’m a sex worker — this is why your husband is my favourite client Arrow MORE: My husband ran off with the au pair and it’s put me off relationships for good Arrow MORE: My ‘three month rule’ proved my date wasn’t the one for me The Slice Your free newsletter guide to the best London has on offer, from drinks deals to restaurant reviews.