I Disrupted My Parents’ Ridiculous Plot for My Nephew. They Don’t See That They’re the Problem!

Care and Feeding Photo illustration by Slate. Photos by Kevin Gent/Unsplash. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. My brother, “Jeff,” and his husband,”Rick,” kicked their respective religions to the curb when they were in college (Catholicism for Rick, Judaism for Jeff). Our parents weren’t happy, but respected Jeff’s decision. Or so I thought. Jeff and Rick had their first child, “Bryan,” three months ago via surrogate. A few weeks ago, Rick’s father passed away unexpectedly. They needed to attend the funeral and planned to leave Bryan in my parents’ care. Well, my parents decided they were going to take it upon themselves to have Bryan circumcised—without telling my brother and brother-in-law. I tipped them off, and they left my nephew with me instead. My parents, who had arranged a bris at their house, were left fuming when their plans petered out. Jeff and Rick are rightly outraged and have yet to decide when or if my parents will have access to Bryan again. Now my parents are furious with me and said I have “ruined” their chance at bonding with their first grandchild. They are refusing to speak to me. What can I do to make them understand they brought this on themselves and I’m not the villain here? —Busted Bris Dear Busted, I hope I’m not the first to tell you that your parents are pretty, pretty wild. Scheduling a religious ceremony for a child that is not their own that involves body modification? It takes far less to end up on the wrong side of Judge Judy. Your parents are lucky that you intervened because I cannot imagine the hell that would have been raised if this nefarious plot had been successful. You can try and explain to them that what they attempted was as sane as carrying water in a napkin, but I honestly suspect they may be too disconnected from reality to process that. Just wait out their silence; Jeff and Rick will not be coming around anytime soon and they are going to need someone to talk to. If you’re compelled, ask them how they’d feel had someone baptized you when you were in their care as a baby, or if they’d allowed Jeff to take Shahada. I think your parents might be broken though, my friend. Sometimes, we just gotta accept that our loved ones are crazy pants like corduroy and figure out what working around that looks like. In your family’s case, I think that would involve never leaving uncircumcised babies around. —Jamilah More Parenting Advice From Slate My daughter is turning 5 in a few months, and her best friend has her birthday the day before. We are good friends with her parents, who have suggested this year that we do a joint birthday party at a restaurant with a kids’ play area. I don’t want to! Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Kids