I didn’t think I was cheating on my husband — but my friends are horrified

They have secret coffee dates… but is it cheating? (Picture: Getty/ Metro) Could a chance encounter be all it takes to end a happy marriage? This week’s reader thought she was blissfully happy with her husband, until a chance encounter with an old school friend turned her world upside down. After weeks of secret meet-ups at restaurants and coffee shops, she’s realised that she may not being as faithful as she thinks. Keep reading to find out more, but before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, from a woman whose boyfriend’s high libido has become a serious problem. The problem… I’ve been married to a lovely guy for over six years and during that time it has never entered my head to be unfaithful. But since a chance meeting at a 40th birthday party in May, I’ve been exchanging Facebook messages with an old friend from school, as well as meeting him for lunch or coffee during the day when my husband isn’t around. I know it’s not an excuse, but I’m left alone a lot as my husband often works away, so I never have a problem fitting in these little rendezvous. New here? Sign up for The Hook Up newsletter Hi, my name is Laura Collins, and every week I write Metro’s Sex Column. I’ve been working in newspapers since completing my counselling training 30 years ago, and it’s always a privilege to help readers. Read my column in The Hook Up newsletter every week (Picture: Laura Collins) If you enjoy my column, you should sign up for our weekly newsletter. It has it all – expert tips, steamy stories, and everything in between. Sign up now. And if you have a sex, dating or relationship dilemma, get in touch! This school friend and I have never kissed or even held hands, but I really look forward to seeing him and think about him all the time. Whenever I have sex with my husband, I fantasise about my ‘coffee mate’ and to be honest, it’s really a turn on. Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. He lived with a woman for many years but sadly, she died of breast cancer in 2024 and since then he’s been alone. Her death left him heartbroken, but recently he told me he’s ready to start again and hinted that he’d like to take things further with me. Of course, I’ve said that’s out of the question, as I do love my husband and anyway, I have two small children so don’t want to break up the family. I tell myself I’m not being unfaithful, as nothing untoward has happened between us. But recently, I confided in some friends who were absolutely horrified and told me I need to end things with this guy. Deep down, I know she’s right, but I just don’t want to stop seeing him. The advice In your very first sentence, you say it has never entered your head to be unfaithful. But that’s not true, is it? What you’re doing now is cheating on your husband, just not in the conventional way – at least, not yet. How would he feel about your secret get-togethers if he found out? I’m pretty sure he’d consider it cheating. You don’t need me to tell you that you’re putting your marriage at risk, so if you truly value it and see a future with your husband, then you need to break contact with this guy, right now. On the other hand, if you see a future with your Facebook friend, you should end your marriage before you take things any further. It will be a messy time, but not half as messy as it will be if you have an affair and get caught. Remember, this isn’t all about you, your partner or even your ‘coffee mate’. It’s about your children too, who will suffer most from any breakup, so think very carefully before you decide what to do. If you feel lonely when your partner’s away, there must be other friends you could see or phone. You say it’s no excuse, and you’re right – it isn’t. I’m sure spending time with someone who fancies you is a great ego trip, but please don’t be selfish. This guy deserves another chance at life and if that’s not going to be with you, then set him free to find the love he’s looking for. Laura is a counsellor and columnist. Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk. Do you have a story to share? Deals of the Day Topman’s new-season collection has arrived and prices start at just £10 An Instagram mattress left me with back pain – this one completely changed my mind Book Val d'Isère, Val Thorens and Tignes for less in Club Med's ski sale Save 25% on red light therapy masks, sauna blankets and sleep gadgets in Bon Charge sale The viral LED face mask with over 350 lights that's currently discounted by £100 Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk Arrow MORE: My date said I was lucky he’d overlooked my height Arrow MORE: There’s one word she said in bed that completely turned me off Arrow MORE: Katie Price admits ‘things haven’t made sense’ with Lee Andrews after dumping husband The Hook Up Metro's hottest newsletter, with juicy stories and tips for spicing things up in the bedroom. 18+