I cheated on my boyfriend with his colleague after a boozy argument – I’m worried sick he can see my guilt

Credit: Getty DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER a boozy argument with my boyfriend, I fell into bed with his colleague. Now the guilt is eating me alive, and I’m terrified one stupid mistake will cost me everything. I’m 32, my boyfriend is 34, and we’ve been together for three years. I love him to bits, and we have a great relationship, which makes what happened even harder to understand. A few weeks ago we all went out for his work summer party. Everyone was in high spirits, and we’d all had far too much to drink. Sign up for the Dear Deidre newsletter Thank you! Out of nowhere, my boyfriend had a jealous outburst because I’d been chatting to another man at the bar. It was all completely innocent, but he accused me of embarrassing him, and before I knew it, we were ­having a blazing row. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial His colleague was the only one who stood up for me and told my boyfriend he was being unreasonable. He was only trying to help, but it made things worse, and my boyfriend stormed off in a huge rage. I was beside myself, so his friend stayed behind to make sure I got home safely. We carried on talking, shared a taxi and ended up sitting in his kitchen putting the world to rights over another drink. Looking back, I should have gone straight home, but instead, one thing led to another, and we ended up sleeping together. My boyfriend apologised the next morning for the argument and we’ve patched things up — but he has no idea what happened after he left. His colleague and I haven’t spoken since, apart from one conversation where we both agreed it was a mistake and should remain a secret. Every time my boyfriend talks about work I worry he can see the guilt written all over my face. I don’t know how much longer I can live with what I’ve done. DEIDRE SAYS: Sleeping with your boyfriend’s colleague was a serious mistake and it’s clear you deeply regret what happened. Beating yourself up won’t change it, so try to focus on what to do going forward instead. Ask yourself honestly why you crossed that line. Was it simply a drunken lapse in judgement after a row, or is there something in your relationship that needs attention? Take some time before making any decisions and think carefully about whether honesty would help you both move forward, or simply cause more hurt. My support packs, Feeling Guilty and Relationship MOT, can help you work through things and decide what is the best way ahead. SCARED I’LL GET SACKED FOR HELPING OUT CLIENT DEAR DEIDRE: TRYING to help one of my elderly clients might end up costing me the job I love. I’m 44 and I have worked as a carer for 15 years. It isn’t just a job to me, it’s something that gives my life meaning. For the past year I’ve been supporting an elderly gentleman who lives alone. We’ve built a lovely rapport and often chat over a cup of tea while I’m helping him. He knows my son is a handyman because I’ve mentioned him before. A few weeks ago he asked if my son could pop round in his own time to hang some family photos and a curtain pole. I honestly couldn’t see any harm in it, so I passed on my son’s number. Now my employer has found out and suspended me for allegedly breaching confidentiality and professional boundaries. I’m beside myself. I never accepted any money or gained anything from it. I was only trying to help someone who had nobody else to ask. DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds as though your intentions were kind, but employers also have a duty to protect vulnerable clients and follow professional boundaries. Cooperate with the investigation, follow the disciplinary process and, if you’re a union member, ask for representation at every stage. Contact Acas (acas.org.uk), who give independent advice on workplace issues. One lapse in judgment doesn’t automatically undo 15 years of dedicated work, so let the process run its course before fearing the worst. PUNISHED FOR TEEN DRIVING LESSON DEAR DEIDRE: NOW that my relationship with my daughter-in-law has suddenly fallen apart, I am scared that it will cost me my grandchildren. I’m 67, my son is 39 and my daughter-in-law is 37. Until a few weeks ago, we were a close-knit family. They would pop round most weekends with my two grandchildren, we would have Sunday lunch, and I’d help out when they needed me. Everything changed after my daughter-in-law found out I had taken my 15-year-old grandson – who is obsessed with cars – out for a driving lesson on some private land. As a dad, I had done the same with my own son when he was that age, so I thought it would be harmless. She completely disagreed and accused me of undermining her as a parent. Since then she won’t speak to me, and if I turn up when the children are there, she promptly leaves with them. My son keeps asking me to apologise just to keep the peace, but it feels hopeless. DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds as though you acted with good intentions, but it’s understandable that your daughter-in-law feels hurt if she believes an important parenting decision was made without her. If you would like to rebuild, a sincere apology for overstepping boundaries could go a long way. Try reaching out calmly and letting her know you respect her role as the children’s mum and don’t want this to come between your family. I CAN’T COMPETE WITH HER PHONE DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife’s phone gets more attention than I do, and I’m starting to wonder if there’s any room left for me in our relationship. I’m 47 and she’s 45. We’ve been married for 16 years and, on the surface, everything looks fine. We get along well and have an overall good life, but lately I feel lonelier sitting next to my wife than I do when I’m on my own. Every day, the second she gets home from work, she scrolls through Facebook or TikTok. If we’re watching television, she’s staring at a screen in her hand instead of the one in front of us. Even when we go out for dinner, she will stop halfway through a conversation to reply to a message or play one of her puzzles. At night it’s no different. We climb into bed, and every time, without fail, she’ll be lying beside me watching videos until she falls asleep with her phone still in her hand. Whenever I’ve tried to talk to her about it, she always brushes me off and says I’m exaggerating. I know that she is still physically there, but ­emotionally it feels like she is somewhere else. DEIDRE SAYS: Feeling ignored by the person you love can be incredibly lonely, so it’s understandable you’re worried about the growing distance between you. Rather than focusing on the issue of her phone, try spelling out to her how her behaviour makes you feel and explain what you’re missing from your relationship. Suggest setting aside regular phone-free shared time, even if it’s only for an hour each evening, or during meals. Small changes can make a big difference if you’re both willing to make them. My packs Standing Up For Yourself and How To Look After Your Relationship can help.