I Caught My Nephews Doing Something Illicit. Then They Told Me Something More Worrisome.

Care and Feeding Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Getty Images Plus. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, This past week, I stayed at my brother “Dave’s” place while I was in town for a work convention for a few days. Dave is divorced and has two boys, “Caleb,” 12, and “Ryan,” 14. On my last day there, I caught the boys doing something illicit. They were smoking weed in the backyard. They claimed that their dad was OK with it. Of course I didn’t believe them and called my brother immediately. His answer floored me: He not only told me he was aware of Caleb and Ryan getting high, he said they had his permission! His excuse was that they were going to try weed anyway (like he did around their age), and he said he would rather they get baked in his home where he “knew they were safe.” I am appalled by Dave’s attitude and disregard for my nephews’ well-being and can’t imagine my former sister-in-law is aware of what’s happening. Is it my place to notify her of what my brother is allowing their kids to do when they are with him? —Anti-Drug Aunt Dear Anti-Drug Aunt, Before you do anything, sit down with your brother and ask him for more details about why he allows his sons to smoke pot. You know: Pull up a chair, turn it around, and engage in some “real talk” with ol’ bro. Is there something else going on? How you feeling, buddy? Get some assurance from your brother that he’s really thought through his Cheech and Chong parenting approach. Find out how it started. I believe that’s your best approach, because if you’re indelicate and hostile, this could result in you and your brother no longer speaking, and you losing contact with your nephews. And if you do end up going to his ex, it could end up with your brother losing some of his privileges as a father. That will make things worse for everyone. But I see your point. Kids’ brains are still growing. Marijuana isn’t good for them. Talk to your brother about that. Tell him why you’re concerned. You could even let him know that if it did get back to his ex that he was turning his head while the kids smoked, it could threaten their custody agreement. Until you have all the information, and you should take a breath, and keep your sister-in-law out of the chat. —A.J. More Parenting Advice From Slate I live on a quiet semi-rural road with about a dozen small houses. No one has fences, so you can essentially walk across everyone’s property. Most of my neighbors are retired or have near-adult children. We generally get along and often have get-togethers. Recently, one house was rented out to a young family. They have three children under 8 and the husband works all the time. The mother has been aggressively trying to make friends. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Kids