I can’t stop cheating on my boyfriend with my irresistible ex as the sex is off the scale – I won’t ever get over him

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE a boyfriend but sex with my ex is off the scale. We pick up where we left off when he visits every week to see our dog. I know I’m cheating on my new man but I just can’t stop thinking about my ex. He’s irresistible. We got together in a really strange way — after meeting at his engagement party to my cousin. But from the moment we first saw each other, there was something intense between us and I knew we would be more than friends. Sure enough, days after the party he started texting me. Before the week was out, we were having sex. My cousin eventually found out and our family life blew up. Everyone blamed me for their split and my parents were livid. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial But thankfully, they came around when they saw how serious we were about one another. We couldn’t wait to live together so started saving money for a house and soon found somewhere we liked. We moved in but it was a wreck and doing it up was so stressful because we didn’t have enough money for the necessary renovations. Our relationship really suffered. I then found out through a colleague that he’d cheated on me. By this point, we were hardly talking to each other anyway so when I confronted him, he admitted it and left. The house is now up for sale and it’s still in a state so it could take months to sell. Until it does, I will be living there with our rescue dog. Ironically, my ex and I are getting on better now and whenever he visits, he kisses me hello. I find the smell of his aftershave intoxicating. The last few times he’s come round we’ve ended up going up to bed for old time’s sake. I don’t think I’ll ever get over him. DEIDRE SAYS: If you’re hoping for a reconciliation, you need to find out how he really feels about you. Are you just another notch on his bedpost? His track record isn’t great as he jumped from engagement to you, so is this just sex for him? You have to think very carefully about what you want. The house project may have been a millstone but if that was taken away, would your relationship be easier or would you get in the same rut? Whatever you decide, your current boyfriend isn’t doing it for you so it’s only fair to end it with him. My support pack, Addictive Love, may help you weigh up the pros and cons. WHY DOESN’T SHE WANT TO SLEEP WITH ME ANY MORE? DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVEN’T had sex with my partner since Easter but I’m too scared to ask what the problem is, in case she ends it with me. We are both 49 and divorced. She has a daughter while I’ve got two sons and they’re all independent. We live separately but enjoy weekends and holidays together. Until I rented a holiday cottage for us, we had a great sex life. That weekend, we had sex twice but then she became distant and I don’t know whether I did something wrong. Now, she seems different. It’s almost as if she’s lost her confidence somehow. I don’t want to hurt her feelings but I miss the intimacy. DEIDRE SAYS: If you’re in a relationship, you should be able to talk to her about anything. It sounds as if this is “the elephant in the room” so she may be waiting for you to start the conversation if she’s feeling awkward or embarrassed. Perhaps she doesn’t like sex so much or she’s feeling perimenopausal. The change in hormones during the menopause govern sex drive. Find a moment to explain that your sex life helps you feel you have something special. Say it’s your way of showing her you love her and ask what’s gone wrong. If it’s a lack of desire due to her age, suggest she talks to her doctor. My support pack, Love And The Mature Woman, may help, too. TIRED OF CLEANING UP AFTER MY FAMILY DEAR DEIDRE: I’M so bored with my life that I’m thinking of leaving my husband and kids. I’m a 44-year-old mum with two teenage sons. I’ve done everything for them all their lives and for my husband, too. He gets in from work, eats his dinner and goes to the pub. My boys are useless and don’t help out in any way. They barely look up from their video games when I tell them dinner is ready. I do the cooking, cleaning, washing and stripping beds and I hold down two jobs – one in a school during the day and, on a Friday night, I clean two offices. We’ve not had a holiday for six years and our sex life is non-existent because my husband has always drunk too much and goes straight to sleep. I’ve got nothing to look forward to. DEIDRE SAYS: Sadly, the more you’ve looked after your family, the more you’ve made a rod for your own back. Call a family meeting and tell them enough is enough. Say it’s all going to change from now on. Draw up a list of chores. Your sons can do their own washing and bed-changing. They could even try to cook a family meal. Once they realise how much you’ve done for them, they may not take you for granted as much. Tell your husband you are going to get some counselling to decide on your next steps – you may find he joins you. You can get support at tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1975). IT’S TIME TO TELL WIFE BIG SECRET DEAR DEIDRE: I CAN’T bear the thought of my grown-up children finding out about my alter-ego – but I can’t hide my feelings any longer. I’m desperate to become a woman. I’ve been cross-dressing in secret for years. It started when my wife would visit her sister and I’d spend the weekend trying on her stockings and underwear, then it progressed to dresses. My wife is 60 and doesn’t know. I’m 65 and retired. I joined a cross-dressing society in my local town. People aren’t really aware of it but the therapist who runs it is really lovely. She’s been helping me with tackling how I’m going to transition and she’s even allowed me to have clothes I have bought sent to her house. I confide in her so much and I no longer feel ashamed of who I really am. I still love my wife but I’m no longer in love with her. I don’t want to hurt the ones I love, but I can’t go on living this lie. DEIDRE SAYS: Wanting to be seen as female is something innate in you. You’ve found a good community which understands how you feel. There is less prejudice these days, but this isn’t an easy road to walk down. Your wife deserves to learn about your secret from you, rather than finding out by accident – and this will need delicate handling. Although you may feel the same about her, she will no doubt find this news very challenging. Take your time to decide how best to do this by finding support through Mind Out (mindout.org.uk) which runs a chat service for people LGBTQ+ and is run by affirmative mental health-trained volunteers. You may find that your children are more accepting than you realise but sorting out your marriage is the first positive step. Good luck.