I can’t shake the feeling my partner and her best pal are much more than friends – is she hiding a secret affair?

DEAR DEIDRE: PERHAPS I’m being paranoid, but I can’t help wondering if my girlfriend and her best pal have become more than just mates. I keep getting the strong feeling that something has happened bet­ween them. I’ve told myself I’m imagining it, but that suspicion won’t go away. My partner and I are in our early thirties and have been together for five years. Her best mate is the same age and they’ve been inseparable since college — many years before we met. That never bothered me. I’ve always got on well with this other woman. She’s a bit like family. Sign up for the Dear Deidre newsletter Thank you! But lately, it seems different. If we’re watching TV, my partner barely pays me any attention. Instead she’s on WhatsApp, laughing at private jokes from her best friend. When her pal’s name pops up on her phone, she smiles in a way she used to smile for me — but no longer does. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial A couple of weeks ago, we all went to the same birthday barbecue. I popped inside to get more drinks and found them alone in the kitchen, standing really close together. They sprang apart, then both went quiet. I felt as though I’d interrupted something. They’re always holding hands and hugging, and they regularly joke that if neither of them had found a man they would have married each other. On girls’ weekends away, they will happily share a bed. It makes me feel uncomfortable. As far as I know, my partner has never been with a woman, and she has never mentioned wanting sex with one. But this feeling is really starting to get me down. Am I overthinking this? I don’t want to wreck my relationship. I think if it came down to it, my partner would choose her best friend over me, and that hurts. DEIDRE SAYS: It’s always a good idea to listen to your gut instinct, but I think you might be misinterpreting yours. There is a problem here, but it’s unlikely that your partner and her friend are cheating or sexually attracted to each other, it’s that you feel shut out and their closeness emphasises this. It’s clear you feel your relationship comes second to their friendship. You want your partner to be as attentive and affectionate towards you as she is to her best mate. You need to be honest with your girlfriend. Don’t accuse her of anything, but make it clear you’re feeling isolated. My support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, should help. I’M MATCHED WITH FORMER CRUSH ON DATING APP DEAR DEIDRE: I’M not sure if it’s a sign from the universe or just a dating app glitch, but I keep being matched with the same woman. Even spookier, I knew her in person years ago and remember thinking she was gorgeous back then. I’m a 35-year-old single guy. I started using dating apps a few months back, after my long-term relationship broke up. However, about ten years ago, I met a woman who worked in my local cafe. We flirted but nothing happened between us. She left that job and I forgot about her. Fast forward to the present and there she was again on my screen. I sent a like, but she didn’t respond and I assumed she’d swiped left. But every few weeks, she somehow appears again. I know Cupid doesn’t run my dating site, but I can’t help feeling it’s fate, and maybe we’re destined to be together. Am I reading too much into this? DEIDRE SAYS: It might feel like the universe is dropping hints, but dating apps are powered by algorithms, not destiny. Seeing this woman’s profile repeatedly is probably just down to the app recycling profiles. That said, the fact she’s stayed in your thoughts does say something – you clearly are intrigued by her. She didn’t respond but there’s no harm in a message, if the app allows, reintroducing yourself as the guy from the cafe, and seeing what happens. My support pack, Love Online, might be useful for you to read. HAS ROW HURT HER UNBORN CHILD? DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER a big argument with my pregnant granddaughter, I’m terrified I might have harmed her baby. I couldn’t forgive myself if her unborn child died because of the stress I caused. What should I do? I’m a 68-year-old grandma. My granddaughter is 21 and recently told me she is expecting. She’s now 15 weeks. I said I didn’t approve of some of her pregnancy choices – she told me she was planning a “free birth”, where no medical professionals are present – and we had a blazing row. Afterwards, she was crying and shaking, and she hasn’t really spoken to me since. I feel terrible. What if she miscarries and it’s my fault? I love her and just want the best for her. She and her boyfriend have already started painting the nursery and choosing names. DEIDRE SAYS: Please try not to worry. You have absolutely not harmed the baby. They are very resilient and one stressful conver­sation or argument won’t harm their development. Pregnancy hormones can make women feel very emotional, and prone to bursting into tears, so your granddaughter may have become more upset than normal for her. If you’re worried, send her a message saying you love her and are sorry for upsetting her. Ask her to forgive you. Perhaps you can buy her a baby gift. If you want to try to get your point across in future without causing a row, my support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, should help. I STILL WANT TO BE WITH TOXIC EX DEAR DEIDRE: ALL I’ve ever wanted is for my ex to tell me he loves me. Now, he finally has. Am I stupid for giving him another chance when our relationship was toxic and made me miserable? I’m 45 and he’s 47. We were together for four years, but things weren’t good between us. He used to pick fights with me and I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells to avoid another row. He made me feel everything was my fault and by the end, I had no confidence left. We finally split up a year ago. It took me ages to get over him, although I never really did. Then, last week, out of nowhere he started messaging me. I ignored him at first, but the messages kept coming. And then he sent one that said: “I love you.” It took my breath away. I waited four years to hear those words. I loved him so much when we were together and I still do. That night we had a video call that lasted over an hour. The next day he turned up at my door. We talked for hours, one thing led to another, and we ended up in bed together. He says he wants us to start again. He apologised for his behaviour. Am I crazy to give him a second chance? DEIDRE SAYS: You’re neither stupid nor crazy for wanting to try again. But you do need to be wary. People rarely change. He may have apologised but it’ll take a lot more than that to prove he won’t treat you the same way again. Remind yourself how unhappy you became and how unhealthy your relationship was. Make it clear to him that if the same patterns start again, you won’t stand for it. Before you make a decision, it might be helpful to talk to a counsellor and to read my support pack, Addictive Love.