I blew £195k of benefits cash on booze and drugs – rock bottom moment with my girl, 2, was the ultimate wake-up call

HEAD pounding after a three-day bender, Natasha Peacock slowly opened her eyes. She was at home, but where was Isla, her two-year-old daughter? She had no idea. Natasha Peacock’s addiction nearly cost her everything – but she transformed her life and hasn’t touched drink or drugs in eight years Credit: SWNS Over the years, Natasha reckons she blew around £195,000 on her booze and drug habit Credit: SWNS Too groggy to stand, she crawled to the stairs and slowly made her way down, on her bottom, one step at a time. She then staggered to the kitchen and there was Isla, wearing her pink pyjamas just sitting amid the empty wine bottles, glasses and drug debris. Suddenly, Natasha, from Eastbourne, East Sussex, felt ashamed to her core. She had been bingeing on drink and drugs for 15 years and finally knew it had to stop, or she would die. That shocking scene, which will no doubt send a chill into the hearts of most parents, took place in January 2017. Today, Natasha has not touched drink or drugs in eight years and her life is transformed – a far cry from the days where she’d come round on the floor, confused and wondering where her kids were. “I’d wake up all the time with bruises, cuts,” says Natasha, 40, who has a son, 18, as well as Isla, now 11. “My life was absolute chaos.” Over the years, Natasha reckons she blew around £195,000 on her booze and drug habit, funded by the £1,800 a month she received in state benefits. She says: “I feel guilty about things I did in my past and spending my benefits on alcohol and drugs is one of them. “But I don’t beat myself up about it anymore, because there’s no value in living with constant shame. I’m a completely different person now. I’m responsible, I work hard, I contribute, and I would never make those choices again.” Natasha started drinking cider when she was just 13 and by 16 was working in a bar and very much keeping up with the punters. At 18, she got a bar job in Marbella, where she was “paid to party”. Natasha knew she had to stop her drug and drink binges or she would die Credit: SWNS Seeing her daughter Isla, then two, sat among the chaos of bottles and drugs from the night before was a wake-up call for Natasha Credit: Supplied Then, at 21, she gave birth to her son while in a brief relationship with an old friend from Eastbourne. “I thought getting pregnant would calm me down,” says Natasha, who did not drink alcohol or take drugs while pregnant with either of her children. After splitting from her partner when their son was one, Natasha found herself living alone in a flat, and would down a bottle of wine each night after putting the baby to bed. “It was my treat, my time to be me,” she says. Soon, she was mixing cocaine with alcohol, a habit that cost her £250 a week. “I fell down the stairs when my son was five and broke my leg in two places,” she says. “I was in agony and had to go to hospital. “The cast they put on my leg was supposed to stay on for six weeks, but I cut it off after three weeks with my mum’s garden shears to go partying.” By now, Natasha was drinking up to three bottles of wine a night, while also taking cocaine. Natasha was drinking up to three bottles of wine a night, while also taking cocaine Credit: SWNS Natasha’s addiction had shocking effects on her ability to function – and to parent Credit: SWNS “This wasn’t a binge, this was a normal day for me,” she says. “I would wake up and not remember putting the kids, or myself, to bed. Sometimes I’d wake up on the floor.” Natasha’s addiction had shocking effects on her ability to function – and to parent. “I’d get the shakes about midday, so I would start drinking around lunchtime, maybe a glass of wine and soda,” she says. “On the school run I was always mindful not to get close to the other mums or teachers in case they smelt wine on my breath. “In the mornings, I would’ve probably still been over the limit from the night before and I would sometimes do the afternoon run after a couple of glasses of wine. “But I was never worried about my children being taken away from me because I naively thought I was a good mum. “I loved my children so much and genuinely believed they were safe with me. “I also thought drinking heavily was a normal part of life. “I can remember there were certain mums I’d see and I’d say: ‘I’m tipsy’, and they’d come back with: ‘Oh, you deserve it.’ “There’s this wine mum culture – it’s so normalised for mums to be p***ed. “I’d go to the off licence and buy three bottles of wine for a tenner. Despite wanting to work, Natasha’s habit meant she couldn’t hold a job down Credit: SWNS In 2019, Natasha qualified as a personal trainer and in 2022 she earned another qualification as a life and recovery coach Credit: SWNS “One morning, in 2016, I was over the limit. I went outside and started my partner’s car and crashed into the car in front of me. Luckily it was just me in the car.” Things got even more dangerous during a girls’ holiday to Ibiza in September that year. “I started drinking the day before we went and continued drinking at the airport and on the plane,” recalls Natasha. “The next day, we decided to go to a club and had to work out how to smuggle cocaine inside in case we were searched. “I volunteered to put the cocaine in my vagina, so we wrapped it up and I inserted it. “Once we were inside the club, I discovered the package had opened and dissolved inside me. “Four grams of cocaine had entered my bloodstream. We all thought it was really funny. “I went back to the villa and continued drinking and taking drugs for another 48 hours. “When I had to leave Ibiza, it was as if I had no brain cells left. At the airport I couldn’t even speak. “When I got home, I thought my heart was going to burst. Looking back, I can’t believe I didn’t die.” Despite trying to get work, Natasha’s habit meant she couldn’t hold a job down. “I had several jobs, including at a leisure centre, and as a teaching assistant at a school for children with autism,” she says. Natasha before she got sober Credit: SWNS Natasha now gets healthy dopamine from being out in nature Credit: SWNS “I’d last for about three months, then I’d quit because it would get too much for me, or I’d be sacked for being late, or not turning up.” Although Natasha spent thousands of pounds of her benefits money on drugs and alcohol, she insists her children always had everything they needed. “They were clothed, they were fed, they were looked after,” she says. “But I would often go without food myself so that I could afford wine and most of what I wore was hand-me-downs. “I had one pair of Chelsea boots that had holes in the soles and when I walked in the rain my socks would get wet. “But I didn’t care because the priority was making sure whatever money was left over was for alcohol.” The turning point came in January 2017, the day Natasha woke up to find her daughter sitting alone, amid her spent booze bottles. “I’d taken ecstasy the night before and tried to go to sleep,” she says. “On Sunday morning, I was like a zombie. That’s when I found Isla in the kitchen, sitting there in her pink pyjamas, with her beautiful blonde hair, completely innocent amid all the chaos of the bottles and drugs from the night before. “It was a slap in the face, a wake up call. “I’d hit rock bottom and it had got to the point where I didn’t want to be alive anymore. The only thing keeping me alive was my children.” Determined to turn things around, Natasha went sober for five months, but relapsed. Seven months later, though, on 23 January 2018, she became sober again and hasn’t touched drink or drugs since. “It was an absolute determination to change my life,” says Natasha, who has replaced alcohol with exercise. “For me, it happened to be walking,” she says. “I went out with my children, to the beach or to the forest. I was outside in nature, getting healthy dopamine.” In 2019, Natasha qualified as a personal trainer and in 2022 she earned another qualification as a life and recovery coach. She now runs The Clear Head Club, helping others who have overcome or are battling addiction to build healthier lives. “Life’s really good,” she says. “My children and I have a lovely home and I’m single and happy. Before, I was in toxic relationship after toxic relationship. “It’s funny, but people question me more about my life since being sober than about my old life. “The party girl, the wine mum… people seem to think it was perfectly normal. “Nowadays, when I tell people I’ve gone for a sunrise walk, they look at me like I’m mad. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.” For help with alcohol addiction issues, call Alcoholics Anonymous free on 0800 917 7650, or visit alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk. For help with drug addiction, call Narcotics Anonymous free on 0300 999 1212, or visit ukna.org.