I assumed rural life wasn’t for a Black non-binary Dad like me

I traded life in Bath for the small market town Frome (Picture: Nic Crosara) ‘Oh, wow, I look like my brother’, I gushed in the mirror, looking at the results of my long overdue haircut. Gender euphoria washed over me as I sat in my chair at an alternative hair salon. I didn’t believe I would find someone who could cut my afro hair the way I liked it – not in quaint little Frome in Somerset. But staring at my reflection, I was proved wrong. I looked and felt dapper, and my new home proved once again that I made the right decision moving out there from the city. Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. At the start of 2025, my partner and I traded life in Bath for the small market town Frome. Most queer folks and people of colour leave small towns to find community and belonging in the city, but we were moving in the opposite direction. Many of our friends had left Bath too, but for Bristol or London, largely for the diversity those cities offered. I felt othered because of the colour of my skin (Picture: Diego Maeso) Join Metro's LGBTQ+ community on WhatsApp With thousands of members from all over the world, our vibrant LGBTQ+ WhatsApp channel is a hub for all the latest news and important issues that face the LGBTQ+ community. Simply click on this link, select ‘Join Chat’ and you’re in! Don't forget to turn on notifications! We were nervous that we were making a mistake – as a trans couple existing in the UK right now, it felt like a huge risk to say goodbye to a place we knew so well. But the decision was vital – not just for me, but for my entire family. I’ve moved around a lot – initially from London to Cornwall during my childhood. I spent my adolescence living in Cornish villages, surrounded by nature, but I desperately wanted to leave. I felt othered because of the colour of my skin – I was visibly different, and it was suffocating. My peers often openly told me that I was the first Black person they’d spoken to, which made me feel uncomfortable. When we lived opposite a pub, the locals would often say out racist jokes that would make its way through our windows. We took a leap of faith, and it turned out to be the best decision we’ve ever made (Picture: Nigel Jarvis/Getty Images) My family’s chapter in Cornwall came to an end when I was 19 and we moved to Bath for a new beginning. I felt instantly lighter. I could walk down the street without it feeling like the colour of my skin was a flashing beacon. I didn’t have to try hard to make friends with fellow LGBTQ+ people. Near the end of 2019, I dipped my toes into small town life and moved in with my then-partner’s family in Cambridgeshire. It was supposed to be a relatively short stay while we planned what to do next. However, the timing was bad as the pandemic and lockdown soon followed. Let’s just say I wasn’t sold on small town life. After restrictions were lifted, I was able to return to Bath. I told myself I wouldn’t move again, and if I did, it wouldn’t be for the sticks. Years after that relationship ended, I became a Dad and started a family with my partner now. Things changed when I became a Dad (Picture: Nic Crosara) We had been planning on having children, but when it happened, I didn’t expect everything to change as much as it did. After restrictions were lifted, I was able to return to Bath. I told myself I wouldn’t move again, and if I did, it wouldn’t be for the sticks. Then I became a Dad. My partner and I had been planning on having children, but when it happened, I didn’t expect everything to change as much as it did. Suddenly, the things I was indifferent to about city life made my blood boil. The pavements were always full of bins because no one ever took theirs in, meaning I couldn’t access pathways with a pushchair. Even when I was a student myself, I found the house parties of other young people a little annoying to live next to. But when the drunken cheers and EDM woke up my newborn, I could’ve breathed fire. We can afford to live in a house, not a flat, which means we have a garden to grow our own food (Picture: Nic Crosara) But the biggest challenge of living in the city was the cost. Rent, food and bill prices were soaring. We were struggling to get by, all while living in a small one-bedroom flat with recurring black mould. Our little family of three needed more space, and we couldn’t afford it – at least not while staying where we were. We took a leap of faith, and it turned out to be the best decision we’ve ever made. The first thing we noticed was the birds. We’d wake up to the sound of them in the morning, and everything else was so quiet that we could sleep with the windows open without earplugs. Queer Hope & Joy Metro is sharing stories of Queer Hope & Joy, where we are centring stories that platform the vibrancy, diversity and resilience of the LGBTQ+ community. This is running alongside LGBT Foundation's Hope Starts Here campaign, and will represent as many LGBTQ+ identities as possible, while spreading hope and joy at a time it is very much needed. Find out more about LGBT Foundation's campaign here. To submit your story of your Queer Hope & Joy send your pitches to: sharan.dhaliwal@metro.co.uk Our neighbours greeted us with flowers and cards, introducing themselves. We’ve often been given spare veg from one of their gardens. I couldn’t tell you the names of my neighbours pre-Frome – I know that we mostly avoided eye contact whenever we crossed paths on bin days. Importantly, my family was happy. My child was experiencing country life, nature and community in a way that improved our lives. But as a mixed race Black, non-binary trans person, I was worried about living somewhere so remote, fearing discrimination could be rife. My child was experiencing country life, nature and community in a way that improved our lives (Picture: Nic Crosara) For example, I used to think I couldn’t trade in city life and still get an affirming haircut. I also thought I wouldn’t be able to find community and joy. But I was happily proven wrong. As two working parents, there’s not a lot of time for socialising, but we still feel connected to people of all backgrounds who live around us. We were also surprised to meet other LGBTQ+ parents and queer and trans people around our age. Living rurally has benefitted us exponentially. We can afford to live in a house, not a flat, which means we have a garden to grow our own food. My life is fuller now than it’s ever been. I’m glad my false beliefs about rural life have been proven wrong and now I’m finally proud of the place I call home. As it turns out, you can be Black, Brown, trans or queer and thrive outside of the city. Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing Ross.Mccafferty@metro.co.uk. Share your views in the comments below. Arrow MORE: I started a secondhand fashion business as a student — now I turnover £120,000 a year Arrow MORE: Inside Brighton’s brilliantly bizarre ‘animal’ sanctuary for abandoned clothes horses Arrow MORE: The date was going well – then I saw the note on her phone