I Asked My Husband to Watch Our Son for Just a Second in the Grocery Store. I Shouldn’t Have Trusted Him.

Care and Feeding Photo illustration by Slate. Photos by Getty Images Plus. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, My husband “Ashton” and I were in a grocery store with our 3-year-old son, “Jaden,” yesterday when I turned my back to grab a bag, leaving Ashton to watch him. When I turned around, Jaden was gone. I began to panic when a man called to me and pointed to a melon bin. My son peeked out from behind it. After collecting Jaden and putting him in the cart, I looked for my husband and found him ogling a woman in yoga pants! It took everything I had to keep myself from reaming him out in the store. Once we were home, I let him have it. He promised it won’t happen again; his solution is to get one of those toddler leashes. That’s not the point. Now I don’t trust him to watch Jaden. A stranger cared more about our son’s well-being than my own husband did! Please tell me he doesn’t deserve another chance until Jaden is old enough to know not to wander. —Married to a Nitwit Dear Married, Your husband sounds incredibly irresponsible, but I don’t know how reasonable it is to prevent him from being alone with your son until he’s significantly older. Honestly, if Jaden is a runner, I would consider getting a toddler leash (though I prefer the term “harness”). Even the most attentive parent—even you—could become preoccupied long enough for a toddler to disappear. Furthermore, if you know your man is more easily distracted than the average person, there’s no harm in paying a couple of bucks for peace of mind. In the long term, however, you need to figure out how to stop your man from ogling strangers when he’s supposed to be minding your child. I suspect that is the type of conversation that should be had with a marriage counselor. Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don‘t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication. Dear Care and Feeding, My husband “Greg” and I have a 9-year-old son, “Ethan,” and a 7-year-old daughter, “Ruby.” We live in an area where we get regular intruders of the creepy-crawly variety during the summer months. Ethan is terrified of spiders in particular, while Ruby will calmly (and happily) squish them. The problem is that Greg has been shaming Ethan for his fear. Last night we had a garden spider on the family room wall. Ethan ran out of the room while Ruby smashed it with a book. Greg responded by calling Ethan a “pansy” and said that aside from himself, “it looks like Ruby is the only real man around here.” What can I do to get him to understand that being freaked out by spiders happens to a lot of people (male and female) and that it’s not a personal failing? —Bugged By Bullying Dear Bugged, Tell your husband that it’s super common to be scared of spiders, and that making fun of Ethan is not going to do anything to alleviate his fears. Talk to your husband about the importance of allowing boys to express their feelings without having to perform a rigid, unreasonable version of manhood in order to please their fathers. Point out how highlighting Ruby’s comfort with the critters while berating her brother is also unlikely to do anything but create resentment between the two kids. If Greg makes another comment like this to your son, correct him on the spot and let Ethan know his father is simply wrong about this matter. Is this the only instance of Greg being a bully to your kids? If this is a regular issue, you need to have a serious talk with your husband and may want to consider couple’s counseling. —Jamilah More Parenting Advice From Slate I need your opinion on a new parenting method. Five years ago, my husband and I had our only child, Stewart. We love him dearly, and he’s surrounded by a supportive, loving family. Stewart is typically a sweet, social boy who thrives in peewee sports. However, we struggle with his behavior. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Kids