How to Survive Wedding Season When You Are Single

If you’re entering wedding season single, receiving an RSVP card that only has room for one name can bring up complicated feelings, including loneliness and simply feeling singled out. While some guests will show up to the ceremony with a partner on their arm, the idea of walking into a massive celebration solo, especially if you don’t know many people attending, can send someone into a spiral of social anxiety. Who else is going that you know and could potentially sit next to at the ceremony? Will the couple put you at the designated singles table or next to your friends? Does the couple have any hot single friends you could potentially hook up with, or is everyone already married? According to therapists, these feelings and fears are valid, but hitting wedding season on your own doesn’t have to be something you simply endure. It’s possible to actually enjoy it.Here’s how to have a good time this upcoming wedding season as a single person.It’s Okay to Feel Two Feelings at OnceFirst, you have to let yourself off the hook for having complicated feelings about going to a wedding and watching two people publicly and passionately declare their love while you are in a very different place in your own life. You can feel happy that your friends found each other and unclear about how you personally feel about marriage in general, potential partnership, and your personal dating status.“It's a hard experience,” says Julia Cash, a licensed marriage and family therapist. "Normalize that and allow yourself to feel both ends of it.”You might feel a range of emotions in the lead up to the celebration. It’s not crazy to admit, even to yourself, that you may not be not looking forward to it, but you are excited to see old friends and wear that new dress you bought for the occasion. Both things can be true. Cash recommends actively naming what you're looking forward to, because it’s certainly there, too, if you can move through whatever your initial feelings may be.Get Into an Opportunity—Rather Than Obligation—MindsetPresumably you like the couple that invited to you to their wedding, and if that’s true, you’ll probably like a few of their other friends—especially if they also happen to be single.“This could be an opportunity to meet people face to face who are vetted by good people,” says Jenni Skyler, PhD, a certified sex therapist. “Use it as an opportunity to put your best foot forward and see what can happen, because a lot of single people are very tired of the online dating scene.”And even if you're not looking to meet someone romantically, it’s a chance to meet a lot of new people in a low stakes environment. Everyone is there to celebrate the couple and have some fun, so go into it with an open mind and optimistic spirit.Find a Familiar Face—or Similarly Single SoulCash suggests reaching out to anyone else you know who's attending—even someone you're not especially close with—to carpool or sit together during the ceremony. Just knowing one person is in the room is often enough take the edge off. And if that's not an option, keep an eye out during the ceremony for anyone else who looks like they came in solo. Odds are decent they'd welcome the company.Go Into the Evening With a PlanHaving the ability to make small talk with strangers is a skill, and one that can serve you well in nearly all aspects of life. It’s normal to be nervous, but if you want to alleviate some of those nerves, there’s no shame in prepping for a wedding like you would for an interview.Skyler suggests coming in with a few go-to questions, the most obvious being “How do you know the bride and groom?” From there, you can ask low-pressure questions about the location, if they’re local or coming in from out of town, or how many weddings they’ve been to this year. Don’t think too hard about it, just approach someone and rip off the conversational bandaid.Add Cosmopolitan as a preferred source in your Google search results.Use your Google account to add this to your settings.“Get your feet wet and start talking, because that’s going to dilute the anxiety,” says Skyler. “Don't worry who you're talking to, just get talking and start having fun so that you can relax, because that that feeling will lead to just a better time at the wedding.”Some of Skyler’s more anxious clients even rehearse questions out loud beforehand, which sounds silly, but it really works. The goal is to your voice moving so the nerves have somewhere to go.Compliment Your Way Into a Conversation If you catch yourself admiring someone’s dress or shoes, there’s your conversation starter. But, make sure it’s authentic! A compliment is an olive branch, and it has to be made in good faith.Cash agrees that a genuine compliment is one of the easiest ways in. “How did you find your dress?" is an smooth on-ramp to real conversation, and it tends to be well received on both ends.Look Up and Out, Not DownGet out of your head and into your body. Observe and breathe. Instead of forcing yourself into a conversation the second you feel awkward, take a beat, look around, and allow the breathing to relax your nervous system. What do you notice? Is it someone’s outfit that’s grabbing your attention, their purse or shoes, or is it someone’s energy at the bar or on the dance floor? That’s your entry point to conversation.And, no scrolling—seriously. It's tempting to treat your phone as a security blanket, but Cash notes that it can also signal to everyone else that you're not open to being approached. Eye contact and a smile will do more for you in this situation than a phone screen ever will.Volunteer to Take the Group PhotoCash's favorite piece of advice is offering to snap a photo for a group that's clearly angling for one. It happens at every wedding: there’s a group of people that haven’t seen each other since college or high school or summer camp and they want to commemorate the moment with a photo. That’s your moment to swoop in and potentially get to know to a whole group of people at once. It's an easy, low-stakes way in to hearing how the group knows each other and potentially some good stories about the couple.Bail Out of Conversations Early and OftenNot every conversation is going to click, and that's fine. Skyler’s advice is to give yourself permission to leave a conversation the minute it starts going south or getting awkward. You can use any number of excuses, including, but not limited to: Excuse me, I have to go make a call, or I have to hit the ladies’ room, or I think I see someone I know (even if you don’t). Whatever gets you out gracefully. There’s no use sitting through a conversation that isn't working just to be polite. Get out of their sight, make another lap, and go find another person or group to approach.Drink Consciously and ResponsiblySkyler recommends a rough one-to-two ratio of alcohol to water, sipped slowly, to keep things intentional. Cash suggests pausing after each drink to check in: are you reaching for another because you're having a good time, or because you're uncomfortable? If it's the latter, she says, try a different move. Strike up a new conversation, compliment someone, or just do a lap around the room while you sip on a soda water with lime instead of a cocktail.When you’re a single person at a wedding, it can be intimidating to show up to a massive celebration knowing no one. But don’t forget that you have more control over the night than it feels like you do. You get to decide what you want out of it, whether that’s a few fancy cocktails, an unexpectedly enlightening conversation with a stranger, making a new friend, or devouring a handful of desserts in blissful peace.You actually don’t need a plus-one to do any of it, and you can leave whenever the hell you want. So do it all and then dip out the second you're ready to go home, hopefully with at least one good story to share at the next wedding.