Hal Cruttenden: My biggest money regret is not starting a pension in my 30s

In our How I Manage My Money series, we aim to find out how people are spending, saving and investing money to meet their costs and achieve their goals. This week, in our celebrity edition, we speak to comedian, actor and writer, Hal Cruttenden, who says money will always be a worry despite his success. Shorts What did your parents teach you about money? We talked about money purely in terms of panic. I remember my mum saying we would be tightening our belts a little bit, which basically meant we might not go out for a meal that week. What prompted the family belt-tightening when you were young? It was a nervous middle-class upbringing, growing up wanting to be upper-middle class, but getting nowhere near that. We occasionally had flash holidays, but our regular holiday was to the Eavis family farm in Somerset, where Glastonbury happens, as Michael Eavis is a friend of the family. We went to America in 1979. This kind of holiday was rare for us, but not for the kids I was at school with. Were your parents good with money? My dad ran a successful advertising business and then set up a management consultancy. But he wasn’t actually very happy doing it, as he really wanted to be a performer. He didn’t try that until he was 49, and sadly died at 50. Dad was known to be quite chaotic with money, but apparently he had life insurance. So, looking back, he was probably quite sensible. Do you have life cover? Yes, and I’ve recently re-done it. The thing is, I need to die young and fast so that my kids will be left lots of money. I cannot get a long illness. That’s my plan! Do you worry about money? Around two years ago, I was very surprised by a tax bill. I genuinely got hit by something much bigger than I expected, and since then I’ve been very nervous. When my divorce came through, three years ago, it was a shock to realise that what I thought was mine was actually what we had as a couple, and life is more expensive when you’re single. So yes, money is always going to be a worry. I think that might be our family trait. How stable is your income? I’ve had years of good income, but I know it could always fall away at any moment. Yes, money from tours for a comic is a lot, but a lot is also corporate work, hosting awards, and that’s up and down. I spend a lot of time working on things that don’t pay because they might never happen, like scripts or writing a sitcom. But, really, my worries are very middle-class. If it all goes wrong, I’m not going to end up sleeping under a bridge; I’m just going to end up living in a very unfashionable area in a tiny flat! Hal Cruttenden said there had been shocks with money since his divorce – and now he is being more careful (Photo: Steve Ullathorne) How did the comedy career start? I was at university reading politics and thinking of a career in the civil service when my dad died suddenly. I was 20 and thought that I didn’t want to mess about in life doing something I didn’t want to do. So, I went to drama school after getting my degree, and worked as an actor in fringe theatre and TV until I was 26, and went on a stand-up comedy course. Were you convinced this was the career for you? I’m quite a sensitive person, and I was terrified of being heckled. I remember the first time I died on stage. I went home and hid under the duvet, but you never give up unless you don’t think you’re good enough. When did you feel financially secure? I don’t ever feel really secure, but the first time I did Live at the Apollo in 2012 was a great gig, and my best television gig ever. Luckily, it’s also the most repeated on TV and YouTube, which has proved financially beneficial. People on social media believe that if you’ve been on telly, you’re hugely rich, and that you think you’re amazing and need to be taken down a peg or two. I think the reverse is true. Most people who stand on a stage know they are good, but that doesn’t mean they think they’ll always definitely be fine, always have work. Are you a spender or a saver? I’m really caught between the two. I like to think I’m a saver, and I’m also desperate to be liked, and so I say, “I’ll handle dinner. Let me pay”, too often. I had a season ticket with my rugby club and always took friends, never asking them to pay. I used to go to the football on a friend’s season ticket, and he always asked me to cover the ticket price. I couldn’t do that, and I don’t know why. But, I probably have loads of friends who like me because they get free tickets to the rugby. I’m in a relationship now, but I did a lot of dating after my divorce. I’m not a traditional men-should-pay type, but my view is “I’ll pay, because you may have found this horrific!” Most expensive thing you’ve bought for fun? I’m becoming much more sensible around money. I mean, I love my car so much. I had a flash car before, and I’m so much happier with my Ford Puma, one of the great cars of all time. My previous car, an Audi Q5 was unwieldy. As a comic, you drive around a lot [to get to tour dates] and I never really worry about someone nicking my Puma. Also, I’m insured for 25,000 miles a year so I destroy the value of any car I drive for work. Admittedly, I get tax back on mileage. What’s been your best money decision? Buying a house years ago, and that was helped by my ex-wife, who owned a flat when we got married and bought a house together. Biggest money mistake? Not starting a pension in my 30s – I only started one after. Do you have any property? I have a nice, big, terraced house in Enfield. My grown-up daughters both live with me because they did arts degrees. If we all stay in the arts long enough, our family will run out of money! Tickets for the Hal Cruttenden Can Dish It Out But Can’t Take It tour are available from halcruttenden.com/live