Fictional names

Op-EdIf you need to use a fictional name, you might as well be creative.Here’s one for your collection of unnecessary footnotes: “‘Brigitte Bandit’ is a pseudonym.”Yes, it is possible that someone could be named Brigitte Bandit, but this is from a Texas federal judge’s ruling on the validity of a law outlawing public drag shows. Hence, footnote unnecessary.I love this. I look at a lot of lawsuits and I’m so tired of seeing “Doe” plaintiffs and defendants. Where’s the imagination? Where’s the creativity? Why aren’t you immediately characterizing parties with names that match your arguments?Mental associations make a difference.Consider how you feel about a Doe Corporation as opposed to an Evil Empire?Can you picture what happened when your client ran into Wreckit Ralph?There’s no reason not to do this. Fiction is fiction. It can help your case.The Texas judge’s ruling, by the way, contains a number of fascinating tidbits.For example, the challenged law contains a definition of “nude” that includes being clothed if some of the naughty bits are showing. Plumbers who bend over could have been in trouble if the law was upheld.There’s also this: “it is not clear that the exposure of fake breasts would come into the definition of ‘nude’ under S.B. 12.”Nude has become an ambiguous term.The ruling notes how Texas politicians were concerned about children at drag shows. How all those children got to drag shows is unexplained.My favorite part, though, is the section entitled “Defendant Ken Paxton’s Evidence Presented at Trial.”Paxton, as you probably know, is the Texas Attorney General who is running for a Senate seat. Here’s the description of his presentation:“Defendant Paxton called a psychiatrist and pharmacologist to testify as an expert on the allegedly harmful effects of exposure to explicit sexual material on children. At trial, the expert indicated that he had never seen someone suffer serious harm due to a drag show or other performances proscribed by S.G. 12.”Do you think Paxton prepped for trial? The judge was not impressed.Lack of preparation, I predict, will not prevent a Supreme Court appeal. Stay tuned.Suggestions. If you’re having trouble coming up with fictional names for your clients and their opponents, I’m here to help. Here are some ideas you can work with:Violet Villainess. Great name for a landlady or a woman selling fake medicine. You can see her sporting a bright neon cape with a high collar.Dozy Driver. That guy was asleep at the wheel.Tess Trueheart. This, of course, is for your own client. How do you rule against this woman?Robber Baron. This is both descriptive and a historical reference. No sympathy for a traditional bad guy.Insane Individual. You can use this for any kind of case. Of course the other side is crazy.Donald Trump or Joe Biden. Just make sure to check who appointed your judge.Subscribe to our free newslettersOur weekly newsletter Closing Arguments offers the latest about ongoing trials, major litigation and rulings in courthouses around the U.S. and the world, while the monthly Under the Lights dishes the legal dirt from Hollywood, sports, Big Tech and the arts.Additional Reads