Deep dive into the Femosphere where ‘difficult’ women ban porn, only date guys who pay for meals & dish out blunt advice

SHARING a reel with her TikTok followers, Sukaina Benzakour watched the likes rack up. Her message to them was blunt: “Stop believing in the love and romance fantasy. Men don’t give a f**k about you, and they never will.” It was, says Sukaina, her first video to go viral, catapulting her @Sukainalouisa account into the league of “femosphere” influencers. Now, with 200k followers on TikTok and 98k on Instagram, her videos frequently get more than a million likes. Femosphere influencer Sukaina Benzakour Credit: Supplied by Soukaina Benzakour Kanika Batra is another leading voice in the femosphere world Credit: Instagram While the previous generation of single women may have grown up with comparatively gentle mantras, such as: ”It’s not you, it’s him,” and: ”He’s just not that into you,” 31-­year-­old Sukaina and her peers are taking a very different approach. Her advice includes telling followers to ditch their partners if they like other women’s posts, and to stop massaging their egos. In one video, she tells women that the man sleeping next to them is a ”secret hater” who is praying for their downfall. “I don’t sugar-coat what I say, and comments can go mad,” says Sukaina. “There are women who disagree with me, but many who agree and share their own experiences. “A lot of men hate my content. I get a huge amount of backlash because I’m teaching women to stop settling, stop chasing and stop shrinking themselves just to keep a man.” This growing online community that focuses on women’s experiences of dating and relationships, known as the femosphere, emerged largely as a reaction to the misogynistic manosphere – a toxic corner of the internet run by influencers including Andrew Tate and HSTikkyTokky, who featured in recent Netflix documentary Louis Theroux: Inside The Manosphere. This network of online communities promotes masculinity, interwoven with misogyny, anti-feminist views and toxic ideas about male identity. In stark contrast, the femosphere has now become an established online entity in its own right, with many like Sukaina attracting hordes of followers, drawn to their straight-talking manifestos on how women should treat men and relationships. Some of the biggest femosphere, or ”dark feminine”, influencers include TikTokker SheraSeven from Chicago, who has 1.5 million followers. She promotes “hypergamy” – the idea that women should “date up” and prioritise financial security over love, using their “feminine energy” to get it. Australian Kanika Batra has around 292k Instagram followers and more than 258k on TikTok. She aims to train women out of habits that make them vulnerable, giving them the advantage over men. She’s against hook-up culture and believes feminism sold women out by forcing them into “masculine roles”. “Men love the chase, otherwise they get bored,” she has said. “That’s why I tell women to be very confusing, to be bitchy, cold and difficult.” Sukaina, from London, began posting dating advice in 2024 after her relationship broke down. Her first TikTok reel attracted more than 144k likes and 4k comments. “After we broke up, I realised so many things about the man I’d been with,” she says. “He was quite controlling and manipulative. When I was in the relationship, I didn’t see it, but afterwards I realised I needed to approach future relationships differently. “Before that, I’d gone through a phase of serial dating and met all kinds of men. Some experiences were great, but others opened my eyes to recurring patterns. I was constantly finding myself thinking: ‘Why does this keep happening?’” Sukaina says she is putting herself – not a man – first Credit: Courtesy of Soukaina Benzakour Dating expert Dr Jess Carbino Credit: Supplied by Jessica Carbino Sukaina says that before she began posting her own content, she hadn’t come across any other femosphere accounts. “I didn’t start my platform because I was inspired by others. I started it because I felt there was a conversation missing. My content comes from my own experiences, the patterns I have observed and the conversations I have with thousands of women every day,” she says. “I started posting videos, just sharing my experiences and talking about men, and it went mad online. I get hundreds, if not thousands, of women messaging me every day, sharing experiences of men ghosting and lying to them. “I was surprised by the reaction. There were so many peoplesaying they’d gone through the same thing. It felt very much likewomen were suddenly waking up. “I’ve said in videos that the sooner women realise men don’t care about them, the happier they will be. It’s true, men don’t care about love. He is never going to feel that undying love you hear about in fairy tales, while many women are taught to romanticise relationships in ways that don’t always match reality. Currently single, Sukaina has no interest in meeting a man, but says her ambivalence seems to attract the opposite sex. “I don’t use dating apps. I meet people at events, high­-end restaurants, through mutual friends and just living my life. Also, on social media – my DMs are always full. “A lot of men end up getting quite obsessed with me, because I don’t care,” she says. “The more I don’t give attention or the more they feel I’m not bothered, the harder they chase. I also get quite a lot of men who have seen my content and want to conquer me. Sukaina, who also coaches women one-to-one on how to build confidence, strengthen boundaries and navigate dating from a place of self-worth, says: “That is one of the biggest lessons I try to teach women. When you stop centring your life around finding a relationship, and instead focus on building a life you genuinely love, you naturally become more attractive. Confidence and self-respect are magnetic.” Sukaina believes single life is better for women than the dating-app conveyor belt Credit: Getty HSTikkyTokky featured in the recent Netflix documentary Louis Theroux: Inside The Manosphere Credit: PA And she’s convinced single life is better for women than the dating-app conveyor belt so many find themselves stuck on. “I’d much rather be single than endlessly dating from a place of loneliness or desperation. I think too many women feel pressure to be constantly swiping because they think being in a relationship is the goal, when actually the goal should be building a life you love. “I don’t want women to shrink themselves, perform for men or treat men as if they’re the prize.” Sukaina believes women should approach dating strategically to get what they want, like they would a business investment. “Picking the wrong man could ruin your life,” she says. “Many women are starting to realise that there are not many benefits to having a man. When you put yourself first and your standards are high, you start to look at men and ask: ‘What is he bringing to the table?’ Usually, the answer is ‘not much’.” According to Dr Jess Carbino, a relationship and dating expert and former sociologist for Tinder and Bumble, femosphere content could be damaging, rather than empowering. “Women are really struggling with the dating world, and this advice makes people feel safe, as it confirms other negative experiences they may have had historically,” she says. “It doesn’t empower people. It doesn’t lead to any shift in mindset or identify where these feelings have come from – and it’s coming from individuals who are not qualified to give advice. Their own experiences colour what they are sharing with people. “You wouldn’t accept medical advice from someone who isn’t a doctor, just because it’s their own opinion.” Savannah*, 29, from London, was drawn to a similar dating philosophy after a bad break­up in her early 20s. “It wasn’t a catastrophic breakup, just your average relationship where I was a lot more invested than he was,” she says. “I wanted a relationship, he didn’t. “At one stage, I told him I was in love with him and he said he didn’t feel the same. I stayed anyway. Like lots of women, I hoped he would change. I hoped that if I stuck around long enough, he’d see how amazing I was and commit.” He didn’t – and after three years, the relationship broke down. Shortly afterwards, Savannah stumbled across a Reddit thread titled Female Dating Strategy (FDS), where lots of women were sharing experiences that resonated with her own. She became one of its biggest influencers as it expanded into social media, then became the co-host of the spin-off podcast The Female Dating Strategy. Savannah argues most dating advice is male-­centred. “It teaches women to forego their own interests in the name of ‘keeping’ a man,” she says. “One of the things that drew me to FDS was that you have a sense of agency. If a guy is offering you a situation you don’t want, you don’t have to accept it. “If their behaviour isn’t what you want at the beginning, it won’t get better. If anything, it will get worse. If he doesn’t want to commit within three months, he’s not interested.” Followers are told men should always pay for dates, give up watching porn and show effort from the get­-go. “If he is ambivalent, or not taking the initiative to plan dates or see you, then it’s a non-starter,” says Savannah. “Paying for dates isn’t necessarily a marker of a good man, but it’s about intention. It shows they have the ability to carry the financial load if you do go on to raise a family. We are not saying women shouldn’t have their own money. We don’t want women to be financially dependent on men, quite the opposite.” Like Sukaina, Savannah has experienced some backlash to her views, but says they are popular among women who are tired of putting up with poor dating behaviour. “We do attract criticism, often from women who think we are anti-­relationship. We’re not. We just want women to find relationships that are fulfilling. “Many women are drawn to us as there is so much frustrationwithin the dating world. Women are not getting what they want.” Dr Jenny Van Hooff is a sociologist based at Manchester Metropolitan University, who agrees women are frustrated with modern dating. “Femosphere influencers may encourage women to value themselves more, avoid unsatisfactory relationships and feel less pressure to settle,” she says. “My concern would be if the content becomes overly cynical or encourages distrust of men as a group. “Algorithms tend to reward more extreme viewpoints, rather than nuanced advice. “There is a difference between encouraging selectivity and encouraging cynicism. Being comfortable staying single, rather than entering an unhealthy relationship, is positive. However, believing that most men are fundamentally unsuitable partners can become self­-defeating and may make it harder to form healthy relationships. Most people are looking for connection, and viewing an entire gender through a negative lens rarely helps.” Preparing to film a new video for her followers, this time telling women to stop chasing men, Sukaina insists she’s not, as some people have called her, “anti­-man”. “I’m simply not prepared to put up with the negatives ofdating any longer,” she says. “I want to focus on my own life and goals – and I hope more women will follow my lead. If a man isn’t adding to my life, I don’t keep him in it. If he’s not pleasing you, he should be disqualified.”