Come off it… AI isn’t going to destroy humanity – if you’ve paid any attention to tech billionaires, you’ll know why

THESE clever clogs tech bros with their PhDs, and algorithms that would have given Alan Turing a brainache, must surely know the simple rule of life: don’t sh*t on your own doorstep. I ask this because if you have been listening to AI bosses recently you’d think they had never heard of this most fundamental truth. Elon Musk is not about to let his AI behemoth Grok jeopardise planting his size-11s on Mars Credit: Reuters Tech billionaires like Mark Zuckerberg must be overwhelmed with this mind-blowingly smart technology Credit: AP They have been lining up to try and frighten the pants off us by declaring that the computer programs they are developing are so out of control they will destroy humanity. But given this apocalyptic scenario would also presumably include them, forgive me if I don’t completely buy their doom-mongering. If self-preservation is a baked-in life force for your standard human being, how strong must it be for billionaires and trillionaires living lives of unimaginable luxury and pleasure? Are we meant to believe they are hungrily developing a hack-of-all trades technology that would destroy their existence? Elon Musk, only five minutes into his trillionaire status, still hasn’t planted his size-11s on Mars. He’s not about to let his AI behemoth Grok jeopardise that. And will OpenAI’s Sam Altman really let his nerds keep rolling out powerful AI bots that might render his $27million San Francisco mansion (complete with Batcave-style garage) a pile of bricks? Is Mark Zuckerberg running round Meta barking at his programmers to go full-steam ahead with something that will mean his $300million super-yacht, Launchpad, ends up in Davy Jones’ locker? I don’t think so. I’ve no doubt they are feeling overwhelmed with this mind-blowingly smart technology. AI is clearly way more powerful than many of the brightest dorks on the planet had originally thought, not to mention a little creepy at times (in his excellent new book, The Castle, Jon Ronson calls ChatGPT a “psychopath”). Calls for deceleration seem wise. Some effort evidently needs to be put in to ensure that AI and its incoming even smarter offspring, Super Intelligence, don’t start doing things that will harm us. But the idea that the geeks who are running these systems are powerless to get them under control without some kind of “guard rails” imposed by “independent regulators” seems cynical. It sounds glib but there is an off switch — albeit a complex multi-button one — for all of them. They’re reluctant to press it because that requires all of them switching off at the same time — and while the cash keeps on rolling in (the global AI sector is worth more than $430billion, 100 times its 2016 value, and set to grow to $2.5trillion by the end of the year — that’s very unlikely to ever happen. AI chiefs are like a pack of long- distance runners, side-eyeing their rivals and desperately hoping they will run out of puff before them. So all their recent doom-mongering, while doubtless stemming from a degree of alarm about what they have created, is just part of the game. It serves as an extension of all the algorithms they have already pumped into the world to spy on what we say and do, in order to flog us things. They want us — and by “us” I mean investors, governments, anyone who can give them more agency — to think their systems are virtually unstoppable. OpenAI’s Sam Altman won’t let his $27million mansion go to waste with an AI takeover Credit: Getty Bill Gates has outlined his proposal for a new AI watchdog Credit: AFP If we think that then we will do whatever they say, to curb their powers. That means more investment: “We’ll make your money even safer.” And more control over regulation: “Trust us, we’re the experts, this is how you do it.” Because who else can better understand this crisis than those who have created it? Certainly not the politicians who are now wrestling with all this. As Bill Gates put it this week, outlining his proposal for a new AI watchdog along the lines of the nuclear weapons inspection regime, they’re all out of their depth. He warned: “The depth of understanding of AI and the right concern about some of these bad things is too low in every entity, including the government, other than the industry itself.” So, little wonder that everyone is panicking. Silicon Valley’s latest “oops” moment has just reminded us — if we even needed reminding — that it’s their world and we just live in it. For now. SYDNEY COULD CONVERT ANYONE TO RUGBY Sydney Sweeney’s new betting ad had the female sporting world in uproar Credit: Shutterstock Editorial I KNOW athletes are usually incredibly boring and humourless people but even by their standards the “row” over Sydney Sweeney’s latest flesh fest is extraordinarily tedious. These po-faced lycra loons seem to think someone prancing around with their norks out clutching an American football damages women’s sport. Really? Perhaps the opposite is true and Sydney’s raunchy ads are encouraging people who might want to look as fit as she does to get off their lazy arses and do some, you know, sport. LET THE MUSIC PLAY, ED Ed Sheeran with former warm-up guy Macklemore Credit: Getty ED SHEERAN is wringing his hands at having to jettison his former warm-up guy, Macklemore (me neither) – after he banged on about Palestine during the American leg of Ed’s Loop tour. Now all the rest of Ed’s support acts have walked out in solidarity with this peace-loving “rapper”, who once gave what looked like a Nazi salute while wearing a prosthetic conk to seemingly mock the Jewish community. Ed is facing one hell of a crisis and may have to cancel the rest of his tour. Well, I hope he doesn’t. I’m surely not the only one fed up with concerts being turned into political rallies so right-on singers can pretend to care about whatever cause is fashionable. As Ed tried to explain to all those shrieking Lefties, desperate to brand him some kind of genocide appeaser, he doesn’t do politics. Hear, hear. Can’t musicians just play the bloody hits? SOUNDS MUNCH BETTER Space Raiders shouldn’t be what kids fill up on instead of lunch Credit: Stewart Williams – The Sun ONCE upon a time when I was at primary school I suffered the humiliation of my mum marching up to see the headmaster, to bollock him about the tuck shop being open at lunchtime. What the hell was he playing at giving kids the temptation of skipping bangers and mash to fill up on Space Raiders and Flumps? The poor bloke was so startled by this hairdryer treatment (my mother could be a force to be reckoned with when something got her goat) he ended up doing as he was told and the lunchtime tuck shop was no more. All my classmates blamed me and I was cross with her for weeks. But she was right. Kids have enough access to crap “food” – something as true now as it was in the early Eighties. Why shouldn’t schools focus on feeding pupils something better? Which is why I haven’t joined the bizarre chorus of fury about plans to make school meals healthier. Are people really saying school dinners shouldn’t be good for you? I look forward to my kids’ schools introducing the new menu. And if they don’t, you’ll find me storming up to the head’s office quicker than you can say lentil curry. GREEDY VAT CATS A VAT cut would mean fish and chips at Kerridge’s Hand and Flowers ‘pub’ in Buckinghamshire would only be £54 Credit: Alamy MICHELIN-starred chef Tom Kerridge is backing a new campaign by the hospitality industry to force the Government to slash VAT to ten per cent on booze and grub. Quite rightly those taking the Government on fear their businesses will end up in the great food waste bin in the sky if prices have to keep rising. Pubs are already closing at a rate of two a day, which is something Our Andy “Man of the People” Burnham will presumably want to stop. And a VAT cut will be great news for patrons of Kerridge’s Hand and Flowers “pub” in Buckinghamshire, who will then only have to fork out, er, £54 for a portion of fish and chips. LAND OF OAP AND GLORY Award-winning filmmaker Michael Apted passed away aged 79 in 2021 Credit: Getty IN this age of inattention, waiting SEVEN years for the next instalment of a TV series feels like a lifetime. But that’s been the deal for decades with one of British television’s most life-affirming shows. ITV documentary film series Up has followed 14 individuals since 1963, from age seven then every seven years, to see how their lives have turned out. We’ve now arrived at the tenth and final instalment, 70Up, and this week’s update was as charming and moving as ever as the gang reflected on life as pensioners – and let us in on their regrets. It was also heartbreaking to hear from nuclear physicist Nick Hitchon, who succumbed to throat cancer in 2023. His final interview, filmed just three days before he died, airs next week. Prior to his death, only Lynn the librarian, who died in 2013, had been missing. But, of course, someone else is no longer with us. Michael Apted, the series’ visionary director and voice behind the camera, died in 2021. Well, the 70 Up team did him proud. I doubt you will find a better show on the box this year.