Can you really find out what it’s like to be a lesbian in just 40 minutes?

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be a lesbian? Now, you have the opportunity to find out (Picture: Getty/Metro) When I got into my first queer relationship this year, I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect. Despite coming out as bisexual aged 21, I’ve spent most of my life in heterosexual relationships. As a ‘straight-passing’ woman, it wasn’t until I met my girlfriend that I really started to understand what it meant to be a woman who loves women. And now, Dutch digital artist Iris van der Meule, 30, has created a way to help the world try to have a better idea. Iris is the brains behind the ‘Lesbian Simulator’, an immersive VR experience that allows users to explore love, sexuality, discrimination, and acceptance – all through the eyes of a lesbian. Simply pop the headset on and get started. You can come out to your loved ones, go to a gay rave, play games, interact with friends and family, and create your own community. Iris hopes everyone will play the game, but designed it specifically for young queer people (Picture: Evalina Kvartunaite) The simulator made its world premier at the International Documentary Film Festival in Amsterdam in November 2025. Since then, Iris has brought her art to World Pride, Toronto, and London. And while some have celebrated Iris’ innovative approach to inclusion, others worry that it trivialises the lesbian experience. Join Metro's LGBTQ+ community on WhatsApp With thousands of members from all over the world, our vibrant LGBTQ+ WhatsApp channel is a hub for all the latest news and important issues that face the LGBTQ+ community. Simply click on this link, select ‘Join Chat’ and you’re in! Don't forget to turn on notifications! Metro sat down with Iris – and someone who has been inside the game – to find out more. What exactly is the Lesbian Simulator? Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. The immersive experience is not just a stereotype generator. You won’t find yourself moving in with a girl after the first date or strapping a carabiner to your jorts and heading to East London for a lesbian supper club. Instead, once you pull the VR headset on, you’ll find yourself transported into a world of colour and cartoons. While there is a linear narrative, mainly due to budget restrictions, Iris made sure to include variation at every level of the game. One of the most important scenes allows users to experience their first ‘gay rave’ (Picture: Iris van der Meule) Guided by a ‘Lesbian Goddess’ narrator, you’ll play interactive games, make decisions, collect points, and experience just a few cornerstones of queer life. Iris says that, after leaving art school, and the safe bubble it provided for her to explore her sexuality, she wanted to make more art about her queerness. For a long time, she tells me, it was actually called the ‘Gay Simulator’. ‘Initially, when I started this idea, I wanted to talk about the gay experience in general – so both gay men and women. But during my research over the years, I realised that while we have a lot of things in common, there are lots of things that are really specific to every letter of the queer alphabet. ‘I decided I wanted to speak more from my own experience to make it a more authentic piece of work.’ ‘As a queer person, I found it very realistic’ While reviews online were mixed, with some convinced the simulator was a prank, while others dubbed it ‘cosplaying discrimination’ and ‘dehumanising’. However, few of those had actually tried the experience. Tünde Vollenbroek, 35, on the other hand, has – first stepping inside the game at the Netherlands Film Festival back in September. ‘It was much more playful than I expected,’ the animation director and writer shares with Metro. ‘There was a lot of interaction and just a lot of fun, but also some really dark moments.’ Tünde describes one of the most frightening scenes, which takes place on the subway. ‘These creepy monster-dudes start to move towards you, yelling “come try my penis!” Tünde experienced the Lesbian Simulator at the Netherlands Film Festival (Picture: Yvonne van Ulden) ‘You can chase them off with pepper spray, but at some point there are so many and the pepper spray won’t refill as quickly. They just keep coming out of nowhere and you don’t know when it’s going to end.’ There are a number of much lighter moments as well. One particularly memorable scene Tünde shares showcases just how interactive the experience is. In it, users pick between a series of doors in front of them. Behind each one is a different character – the door Tünde picked revealed a grandmother. ‘The task was to come out to her, and say: “I am gay!” while standing there in a giant open space with lots of people watching. ‘So, I yelled: “I am gay, granny!” But she’s hard of hearing so I had to yell even louder. Embarrassing for a moment, but fun soon enough!’ According to the animation director, the VR ends with a huge Pride party: ‘After all the real-life challenges in the VR, it was quite nice to be embraced at the end.’ Calling the VR a truly ‘mixed bag of emotion’, Tünde adds: ‘One moment you can be happy and elated, and the next attacked and defeated.’ Tünde shared that, for her, the VR experience was incredibly impactful (Picture: Iris van der Meule) While Tünde understands some people’s hesitation, particularly those who think the simulation ‘simplifies the queer experience’, she strongly defends Iris’ creation. ‘It’s a crazy concept to expect one VR to stand for all the different queer women’s experience. Being lesbian or queer person has many faces, and comes in many different shapes and sizes. ‘The Lesbian Simulator is simply one of them – a loving, colourful stepping stone towards understanding.’ ‘It’s been a difficult balancing act, getting it right’ Iris was inspired to create the simulator due to ‘frustration about discrimination.’ She tells Metro: ‘There’s some specific scenes that are mostly about sexual harassment. Of course men can also experience this, but as lesbians you’re also oftentimes this specific sex porn dream.’ The fetishisation and hyper-sexualisation of lesbians is something a lot of queer women can relate to. In 2019, LGBTQIA+ activist Denisha Killoh argued that the narrative of lesbianism being a hypersexual fantasy for men has real-life consequences, often culminating in hate crimes and violent attacks. Building on her own experience as a lesbian in The Netherlands, Iris’ simulation allows users to experience sexual and homophobic harassment in public spaces, giving heterosexual people in particular a chance to reflect on how it made them feel and what they took away from it. Iris hopes the simulation has an impact on both queer women and heterosexual people (Picture: Iris van der Meule) ‘I really wanted to include this because, for me, it’s been one of the biggest things I’ve experienced when it comes to discrimination. There was always a sexual element to my identity.’ While Iris hopes everyone, straight or gay, enjoys the simulation, she did create it with a particular audience in mind. ‘I came out at 17 and there wasn’t a lot of lesbian representation out there. The simulation isn’t specifically made for teens, but I definitely considered what I would’ve liked to see when I was still closeted.’ For example, as someone who grew up in a very religious rural area in The Netherlands, Iris wanted to include a section where the user has the ability to ‘come out to God’. What is your opinion on the Lesbian Simulator? It seems like a fascinating way to raise awareness.Check It feels too simplified to truly capture the experience.Check I think it's an interesting concept but has potential issues.Check I'm not sure what to think about it.Check ‘I remember I was once sitting on the train with my girlfriend and this woman walked up to us, gave me a pamphlet and walked away,’ Iris shares. ‘I opened it and it said “you’re going to hell, you have sinned”. Now, I don’t believe in God necessarily, but I just thought to myself: “If God is real, he made all of us, so making queer people wouldn’t have been a mistake. ‘So, in the simulation, if you come out to God, the the first thing he will say is: “I sentence you to hell for all eternity.” ‘Then he starts laughing and follows it up with: “Of course I wouldn’t do that because I made queer people myself and they are much more fun, but don’t tell straight people I said that”.’ Stepping into Iris’ world, users are met with colourful cartoon-esuqe characters who help guide you through a series of games, challenges, and decisions (Picture: Iris van der Meule) Iris adds that she wanted to highlight the joy of being queer, too. She explains: ‘I thought that If I only make it about all the negative parts, then I’m sending a signal that being queer is horrible and I was worried it might traumatise people that haven’t come out yet. ‘So, while I do really want to show the blind spots, I decided early on that I need to create a fun, good type of representation.’ For updates on the Lesbian Simulator and when it might be coming to a city near you, visit the website. Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@metro.co.uk Arrow MORE: Sorry men, women are now turning to tentacles for ‘obliterative’ orgasms Arrow MORE: Viral COVID-conscious lesbian bar announces closure after online drama Arrow MORE: Chrishell Stause tearfully announces shock split from G Flip after three years of marriage