Can glueing, a new relationship trend, keep you stuck in a bad relationship?

You blink once, and there’s a new dating label on the internet. The one making the rounds right now is “glueing.” This one is about sex and physical intimacy.Glueing is when physical intimacy becomes the thing - sometimes the only thing - holding a relationship together, even as the emotional connection outside the bedroom starts to fade. And no, it isn’t your classic friends-with-benefits situation. This isn’t about a casual fling you forget about the next morning.It’s about people who are in an actual relationship, using sex to keep it together when everything else is slowly coming undone. It may mean staying trapped in a bad - or even toxic - relationship. Staying together for the physical chemistry isn’t new. Calling it “glueing” is. (Photo: Unsplash) Glueing, explainedThe term “glueing” recently entered the relationship lexicon. One of the early reports to explore the trend came from Tyla, who spoke to dating coach Hayley Quinn, who described it as "when physical intimacy becomes the fundamental way of maintaining a connection." According to relationship experts, physical intimacy can often become a way to restore a sense of closeness after conflict. And having great sex with your partner does not automatically mean you are “glueing”. The red flag is when sex becomes the main - or only - reason you continue to feel connected. Experts suggest that 'glueing' turns toxic when physical intimacy becomes the only thing holding a relationship together. (Photo: Pexels) So, why does glueing work even when a relationship is already starting to fall apart? Because physical intimacy can make you feel close to someone, even when the relationship itself may not be working. And there’s a biological reason for that.According to Namrata Jain, Mumbai-based psychotherapist and relationship expert, biology plays a major role here."When we engage in physical intimacy, our brains release oxytocin (primary bonding hormone); dopamine (reward - motivation chemical) and vasopressin (pair bonding). The hormones trigger a physiological sense of safety, closeness and attachment. When there’s a mismatch between partners where actual compatibility is impacted and there is a chemical rush, sex acts as a cover up tricking the brain into believing that a relationship is healthier or more stable than it actually is."In other words, the chemistry can feel real even when compatibility isn't.And here's where things get messy."Many of us confuse these feelings with compatibility and assume that it is a relationship for us. But real relationships are built on communication, shared values, emotional availability and goals for the relationship are important to bring emotional compatibility," Delhi-based relationship expert, Ruchi Ruuh, tells India Today.When sex is the only thread holding together an unhealthy relationship, one partner may begin to feel trapped. When disagreements and deeper problems are repeatedly swept under the rug, communication can deteriorate, making it harder for partners to talk openly about what is actually bothering them. This mismatch can be particularly confusing when the physical connection remains strong even as trust, communication and emotional intimacy begin to erode.There can also be an imbalance in expectations. If one person sees physical intimacy as proof that the relationship is fine while the other is craving emotional reassurance, companionship or commitment, both partners can end up feeling misunderstood.So, how do you know if you are actually connected?Do you enjoy spending time together when there is no expectation of intimacy? Can you have an awkward conversation without running away from it? Do you feel safe enough to be vulnerable? Are you genuinely curious about each other's lives?Ruchi suggests asking yourself exactly these questions.“If most of the sense of closeness appears around physical intimacy, but outside it there is loneliness, conflict, uncertainty or very little emotional connection, it is worth examining whether sex has become the primary source of attachment,” she says. While intimacy is essential for a healthy relationship, so is good communication, being vulnerable (Photo: Pexels) Signs you are glueingYou might repeatedly use sex to make up after fights without ever discussing what caused the fight. You may find yourself staying despite constant resentment or incompatibility because the physical chemistry is “too good to give up”.Or perhaps the moment intimacy reduces, you suddenly feel insecure about the entire relationship.That last one can be particularly telling.However, it doesn't necessarily make anyone manipulative. Sometimes, it is simply a coping pattern a couple has slipped into without even noticing.According to experts, humans are wired to avoid loss and loneliness. So, when physical intimacy offers an instant dose of comfort and connection, the brain can naturally take the easier route.But is glueing actually a bad thing?"It's not bad at all, and I feel a lot of relationships survive and thrive because of the great sexual intimacy," says Ruuh.And Jain believes: "In a long-term established and otherwise healthy relationship, physical intimacy is a very important barometer of connection as it reinforces mutual affection, deepens bonds, and helps weather stressful times."She divulges that the downside of glueing only arises when physical intimacy is used as a band-aid to keep a fundamentally broken or incompatible dynamic alive. It transitions from a healthy expression of love into a psychological defence mechanism.So, how do you manage glueing? Ruuh suggests making sure there’s more to the relationship than just physical intimacy. Spend time together, talk about things beyond the relationship, have those awkward conversations and see how you show up for each other on difficult days.Because if taking sex out of the equation leaves you wondering 'yeh tere mere beech mai kya hai?' that may be a conversation worth having,- Ends