Bizarro world

You may not like what the Justice Department is doing these days, but you've got to admit they're creative.More evidence that we’re living in Bizarro world: The Justice Department said it was investigating whether the major TV networks violated antitrust law by agreeing not to participate in pool coverage of the White House.Apparently, pulling out of an arrangement to share and coordinate coverage — i.e. the pool — is over-sharing. In other words, breaking up a shared agreement is more antitrusty (that’s a word, isn’t it?) than a shared agreement.They conspired to stop conspiring.This is creative legal thinking at its best. (Yes, I know some of you think this is creative legal thinking at its worst, but I appreciate the creative part of it.)This brings us to the people now working at the Justice Department (aka Trump’s law firm). There’s been no lack of articles and commentary about how all the competent ethical lawyers have left and new hires aren’t exactly highly vetted. I don’t personally know whether that’s true or not.What I do know is that if they’re having trouble staffing the agency, they need to consider alternatives. After all, if they’re hiring lawyers who don’t know what they’re doing, why not hire non-lawyers who don’t know what they’re doing but have creative skills?Yes, non-lawyers can’t file the documents or make arguments in court. The current Justice Department is not big on following annoying rules or rulings, but they’ll still need bar members so they can claim to be law-abiding.But there’s no reason why creative non-lawyers can’t write briefs and concoct arguments for the guys who somehow passed a bar exam. There are many professions to draw on.Philosophers. Actually, the concept of a trust versus a trust may well have come from a philosopher. After all, is the government itself not a trust? And what is reality if not a construct? If there is free will, can we not use it to construct our own personal laws?None of this has to make sense. It just has to sound philosophical.Billionaires. If Proposition 40, taxing billionaires, passes in California, there are going to be lots of these poor/not poor people fleeing the state, looking for new opportunities. Why not put them to work in the Justice Department? Most laws are made for them anyway, so they might as well have direct input.Who better to find loopholes?Cranky old guys. Strict enforcement of America’s “I-don’t-like-your-looks” laws would be a priority for this group.Podcasters. Administration enemies will do almost anything to make J stop Justice Department podcasters stop talking.Criminals. Might as well get input from paying clients.Chatbots. They’re taking over anyway.Trigger warning. I don’t usually like to bring up tragic stories, but this one, described in a Supreme Court of Ohio ruling, is so weird I had to pass it on. Stop reading if you’re easily depressed.The court ruled that a man in Ohio was not prejudiced by a 16-year delay in bringing an indictment against him for manslaughter. The defendant, allegedly, shook and badly injured a baby. Twenty-two years later the victim died. In other words, the defendant committed the crime 38 years ago that led to a death 16 years ago.So why is this indictment happening now?It turns out that the defendant filed a motion to seal the record of his 38-year-old misdemeanor assault conviction. The result was that a prosecutor looked at the case and found out that the victim died in 2006. The prosecutor then proceeded to file the indictment.The past can come back to haunt you.Subscribe to our free newslettersOur weekly newsletter Closing Arguments offers the latest about ongoing trials, major litigation and rulings in courthouses around the U.S. and the world, while the monthly Under the Lights dishes the legal dirt from Hollywood, sports, Big Tech and the arts.Additional Reads